I've been trying to kick my AL habit for years (1 or 2 bottles of white wine per night for as many years as I can remember) but the most AF I've managed is 10 days. In the last few weeks I had a dull ache under my ribs - and know that I have now pushed things too far - and I don't need to go to my doctor to know what the consequences are if I don't stop this once and for all now.
Last night I lay in bed and thought about the future (or not if I keep this up - I'm only 45). My beautiful daughter is about to graduate from Uni and start her career and also hopes to get married in the next couple of years and start a family. Do I really not want to be here to watch her success, to dance at her wedding - to welcome my grandchildren into the world?
My middle son is planning to go travelling around the world later this year - do I really want him to come home in a couple of years and not be here to hear about his adventures and plans?
My youngest boy is about to leave home to go to Uni and is so nervous and unsure. Do I really not want to be here to love and support him and guide him on his future journey - watch him grow up, get married and have kids etc.
Finally, my lovely, patient husband who has been working so hard to create our dream home, working hours and hours in the evenings and at weekends renovating an old house which we plan to spend our future together in. Do I really not want to be here to share our joy when we move in, choose new curtains, plan the garden etc. The thought of him as a lone widower brings tears to my eyes.
This morning on the radio a charity made an appeal - it was a children's liver foundation. This filled me with shame. All of those young, innocent children, who through no fault of their own are destined to die from liver failure - and here am I inflicting the same thing on myself just because of my lack of willpower and determination. Shame on me - I don't deserve a healthy liver like these children - but hopefully if I change things NOW, it will recover and I will live to see all of the things that I hope for my family in the future.
So - here it is - Today IS Day One - it is ridiculous to think that I would allow myself to die young, just because I can't say no to one glass of wine - and it is one glass of wine, because if I say no to the first one, the rest of the bottle can't follow.
Sorry for the essay - I needed to write this down to reinforce it and I will keep coming back to read it to remind myself why I'm here. In the meantime - if anyone could advise which is the best thread to join to help keep me motivated, I would be really grateful. :thanks:
Last night I lay in bed and thought about the future (or not if I keep this up - I'm only 45). My beautiful daughter is about to graduate from Uni and start her career and also hopes to get married in the next couple of years and start a family. Do I really not want to be here to watch her success, to dance at her wedding - to welcome my grandchildren into the world?
My middle son is planning to go travelling around the world later this year - do I really want him to come home in a couple of years and not be here to hear about his adventures and plans?
My youngest boy is about to leave home to go to Uni and is so nervous and unsure. Do I really not want to be here to love and support him and guide him on his future journey - watch him grow up, get married and have kids etc.
Finally, my lovely, patient husband who has been working so hard to create our dream home, working hours and hours in the evenings and at weekends renovating an old house which we plan to spend our future together in. Do I really not want to be here to share our joy when we move in, choose new curtains, plan the garden etc. The thought of him as a lone widower brings tears to my eyes.
This morning on the radio a charity made an appeal - it was a children's liver foundation. This filled me with shame. All of those young, innocent children, who through no fault of their own are destined to die from liver failure - and here am I inflicting the same thing on myself just because of my lack of willpower and determination. Shame on me - I don't deserve a healthy liver like these children - but hopefully if I change things NOW, it will recover and I will live to see all of the things that I hope for my family in the future.
So - here it is - Today IS Day One - it is ridiculous to think that I would allow myself to die young, just because I can't say no to one glass of wine - and it is one glass of wine, because if I say no to the first one, the rest of the bottle can't follow.
Sorry for the essay - I needed to write this down to reinforce it and I will keep coming back to read it to remind myself why I'm here. In the meantime - if anyone could advise which is the best thread to join to help keep me motivated, I would be really grateful. :thanks:
Comment