I am done!

[ImaClean]

Today is my first day of the rest of my life sober. I am tired, ashamed, and sick of how stagnent my life has become because of alcohol.

I was excited all week about going out to dinner with my friends last night! We decided to meet up for drinks before hand and i carefully drank water between glasses of wine. I remember only the first course of soup and salad and the rest is a big black hole. My husband is not speaking to me this morning so I'm not sure how bad i was. I am just sick about it.

I've wanted to start learning Italian, learn how to knit, go to the movies, and none of that has happened because i let wine become more important to me than anything else.

I am done wasting my life away. Looking forward to getting to know you all and i am welcoming the journey/struggle on my way to freedom.

thanks for "listening". :new:

[LibraryGirl]

I am done!

:welcome: Imaclean!! I can so relate to what you are going through. I can't tell you how many times I'm humiliated myself, and others, and the shame I've felt as a result. I quit drinking in public for the most part, for the last few years, but still felt the debilitating results of overindulging in AL...the hangovers, the physical negative affects, plus the guilt of slowly compromising my health.

When you're done you're done. I suggest you remember last night with a grateful heart, because that's what it took to bring you here and to change your negative behavior.:goodjob: I believe all of us here had to go through our respective journeys with AL in order to leave it behind. Maybe if you had just gotten "drunk enough" and not gone over the line, you'd still have that experience waiting to happen, so to speak...so now it's done, you've hit the wall, and you're here. Today's the first day of the rest of your life, and we're all friends here.:l

Good luck on your journey. Post often and read, read, read the forums. You'll find encouragement and comradarie here. Inbox me any time you wish to speak privately, and I will write back ASAP.

[SKendall]

I am done!

Welcome to MWO. It's a little slow on the boards today. I'm sorry about last night hope you feel better soon.

There are lots of people in the Newbie's Nest and a some very loving MWO'ers who have been sober a long time. Try to make a plan so the witching hour doesn't grab you.

I was once in a very expensive restaurant with hubb, his boos and his wife. I too, didn't make it past the soup stage and now it's over 10 years and I've been still afraid to ask what happened.

Good Luck.

[ATLThrash]

I am done!

Ima--it is so awesome that you have some things you want to do and learn-- this will serve you well when you are not drinking-- they can fill up your time that used to be spent with al. Boredom used to be a huge trigger for me and I hit the wine after my infant was asleep and hubs traveling for work-- I now thank God nothing ever happened to my son requiring us to leave home. Good luck with your journey!

[SAUSAGE]

I am done!

Welcome Ima

You have definitely found the right place. My problem was wine too and I have had so much support from people on here. As already recommended - drop into the newbies nest, you could also try the AF daily and try and stay sober 1 day at a time. Read some inspirational stories on the Tell us your story section, and visit the Tool box thread for when you are struggling . I've just read a really good book which may help too "kick the drink - easily " by Jason Vale.

Good look on your journey and look forward to "seeing you" around.

Sausage Day 10 **********

[Struggles 106]

I am done!

Hey Ima

Like Library Girl I can relate. SO awful to have to hear of the shit you did the night before! Been there any times. Don't want to go back.
I also understand your drinking water in between the glasses of wine etc. These are noble efforts and I've done the same thing but it doesn't matter.
There is a lot of support here. This is my go-to place every day. Support without judgement.
BTW-my last episode ( other than one small slip ) was getting thrown out of a restaurant/bar
with the manager calling a cab for me. I have no memory of it buthe said I threw stuff at the bartender. Generally I am not the throwing type, but doesn't alcohol turn us into wild hyenas?
CRAZY.
My husband tolerated my drunken nonsense for years, until he didnt anymore. Frankly I have no idea how he did it.
But chin up, hold you head high and proceed with a plan. You are not a bad person, or weak or immoral or any of that though you are probably wallowing in shame today. It will be OK.
One day at a time.

[choice]

I am done!

:welcome: ImaClean.
Blackouts are so frustrating because even though it is you it isn't YOU. Luckily there is a way to stop them by stopping drinking. I can't tell you how many times I'd wake up after a nice meal where my intent was to just enjoy the food and company.. I'd do the same thing.. water between drinks.. and wake up with black spots and an angry spouse. It's no fun and it's scary. I'm glad your seeing this.. is affecting the positive things you want to do in your life. It's funny you mentioned knitting... I've learned how to do that once I found my sober life and had been wanting to try it for years!
Best of luck to you, I look forward to getting to know you.

[BelleGirl]

I am done!

Welcome, Imaclean!:welcome:
Blackouts are horrible. Your post gave me yet another reminder of how great it is to be AF. I have had too many experiences similar to yours. Afraid to mention anything about the previous night, as I would give away the fact that I don't remember things that happened...waking up wondering if or how mad the hubby would be...afraid to talk to anybody that was around me the previous night...

You can do this. You can kick the AL. I found MWO this past October, and my life has been completely changed by it and the wonderful people here. Even though I have slipped a few times, right now I am at 51 days AF. It is so nice to have the brain cells, and energy to do things I like to do. It is so nice to not wake up at 3am and wondering "what the hell did I do last night".

Please join us in the Newbie's Nest. We have all been where you are. The support here is phenomenal.

[ImaClean]

I am done!

Thank you all for the warm, heartfelt replies. It makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one who has done shameful things with AL. I guess misery likes company.

I finally apologized to my husband and he told me that he tried to tell me to slow down with the drinks but i just got angry with him. He said he was totally embarrased and humiliated. I didnt want to know anymore so i told him i blacked out and have no memory of it and that i was done with drinking.

I am still feeling so sick about everything, but am trying to look at it as a wake up call long over due.

I will join the newbies nest and every other thread around here and do whatever it takes. I will not lose anymore nights/weekends to AL.

I have downloaded MWO story, bought another book on sobriety and i also bought the kindle version of Jason Vale's book. I am starting it tonight.

Thanks again for the warm welcome, it really means a lot to me and has made me feel a little better.

[WastrelWallow]

I am done!

Well done there. :goodjob:

Just think...you'll be able to do all those things you mentioned, now. Alcohol dulls motivation, makes you serve IT and not yourself.

And, better than that, no more "what did I do?"s anymore! :H

[Dave_]

I am done!

Hi and welcome!

Does every one remember coming too? You know, in the morning when your eyes first open and several things happen at once. Firstly the pain floods in, then the mind begins to frantically search for reference points to the night before. When the memory file comes up blank, the panic hits. As soon as I recognised a blackout I knew the rest was going to be very, very ugly.

So Imaclean, you are in good company here. We have done it, I have done it more times than I care to count and many of us have done far worse. DO NOT use this episode of yours to define yourself! You are not that person, you are someone who desperately wanted to do the right things but even with the water in between, the booze still got a look in. I would wager that you were throwing them back with gusto! It's ok. your life does not end with your actions of the previous night.

Pick yourself up, smile at the stupidity of it all and understand that you have only hurt yourself, you have not inflicted great pain on an unsuspecting person nor have you committed bank robbery! You just got drunk and probably very obnoxious. Hey that was my entire personality for 5 years!

I have one motto that I would like to share with you all to make life that bit easier.
1% per day better!

You do not have to do it overnight. You do not have to prove yourself to the wider world today.

I wake up with one thought in mind. If I can just be 1% better today than yesterday I will be happy. Just 1% a day! Not much and small improvements are the best way forwards.

Use your own maths on this. What does 100 days from now look like? what does an entire year look like? Just 1% a day, we can all do that!

[ThreeDogNight]

I am done!

Dave,
That is truly one of the most inspiring posts I have read! I hope that it is okay if I share it with friends who are struggling.
:thanks:TDN

[ImaClean]

I am done!

Thanks for that post Dave!! (and everyone else)

1% brings it into bite size pieces that are very doable. I will make today 1% better! I know what i need to do and will do anything to get there.

[Daya]

I am done!

Hi ImaClean

My first really honest post here was all about an evening out with people I worked with, and the total blackout of about 3 hours.....horrible I know, and it is really scarey. The shame can be crippling. Posting here helped me enormpusly, which is why I am back posting here again.

I used to paint, and crochet, alcohol became my craft of choice....unfortunatly there is nothing creative about it.

Its wondeful that you have all these things you want to do, and if you need any knitting desighns, just let me know.

All the best, and take care of yourself.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

I am done!

Good Luck IamClean! You have made an important, life-changing decision and I wish you all the best!