I can do this

[Pocket]

Pocket here, at the beginning of Day 1 after messing up my Day 2 yesterday. :new:

I felt terrible about myself yesterday, but I did not give into the voice that said, "well, since you failed today you might as well keep drinking." So I guess that's a positive thing. I did have a pretty sleepless night. I am extremely worried about work, and that, coupled with my slip so early in this attempt for sobriety kept waking me up. My body is probably not happy with me, either, since it started healing a little and then I threw in some AL. So I slept off and on and had really crazy dreams.

I am up early and I feel twitchy, shaky, and anxious. I think it's part work anxiety and part detox. I also know for sure that I am not going to drink today at all, no matter how bad I feel. I know that my body and mind will feel better as I start to heal, and I just have to get the process started again.

I am struggling to stay positive, but I am trying hard to block negative thoughts and replace them with helpful ones. It's easy to ruminate about how much I've screwed up, how much there is to do to fix things I let go of during my bender, how I can't believe I caved yesterday, how bad I feel... But I keep telling myself that these feelings are temporary. That part of why everything feels catastrophic right now is due to the damage AL has done to my GABA receptors. I keep thinking about how much better I will feel this time next week. Also, even this is a lot better than where I was this time last week.

And I have tools to get through this. I know I am one strong girl, and that I had the capacity to deal with discomfort quite well before my alcohol problem began. I can get there again. I am taking my supplements, and I am in touch with my counselor. Even though she's physically far away right now, I have tremendous support from my girlfriend. I can read the tool box on MWO. I am going to take a quick bath with Epsom salts before work to calm my body.

All that being said--I'm still scared. I'm scared of facing the day, faking it through. But I'm here, and I'm doing it, so wish me luck!

Goal 1- 7 days

[Almostfamous]

I can do this

Pocket- I just read through your other posts. This place helps immensely. You are taking steps the the right direction. I commend you for being honest and starting again. Frankly, it is not easy but I promise every day gets better. Keep posting and reading! You mentioned various supplements that may help in the beginning. They have helped me! Waking up without guilt or shame is priceless. Try to take it one day at a time. I'm rooting for you!!!

[Unwasted]

I can do this

Hi Pocket - I posted on your other thread, so I'll just wish you the best here. Be sure to check out the Toolbox under the Monthly Abstinence.

[Nelz]

I can do this

This thread is full of WIN! Keep that attitude up, and slowly but surely, you will start to rid your body of all the evils that AL brings. Fight as HARD as you can in the beginning, and before you know it, you will stare the AL brain in the face, and do that, mad scientist, evil, take over the world laugh!



Oh, you will probably experience any and every emotion during what I consider the "start up" phase. Its to be expected based on what we did to our poor bodies for so long. I sometimes find it amazing mine didnt get up and walk out on me!

With an attitude like you are giving off, I have every reason to believe that you will stand up and beat this beast.

[hillsidetime]

I can do this

Hi Pocket,
it does seem that you are feeling a great deal of emotions, as you state, for a great deal of different reasons. Writing about them is a great thing to do !

If you can fight this battle, one day at a time, and get some sober time under your belt, you may find that indeed (as you mention) your perspective will change, and you will be able to see some things as anxiety causing, and others as not. Living sober is so very worthwhile. It is not easy to achieve, but worth every difficult month.

I am glad that you have support in many forms, that is great. One technique that helped me a great deal, in the early months, that I was taught here, was urge surfing. If you get the urge to drink, surf the urge like a wave. All waves pass in the ocean. Some are bigger, some are smaller, but the all pass. Some last longer etc. Mentally, think about the urge as a wave, expect urges, know that it is normal to have cravings. For me this mental exercise allowed me some power orver my urges. I remember clenching my fists, closing my eyes, and working on this mental technique.

You can do it
Hill

[Pocket]

I can do this

Almostfamous, unwasted, Nelz, and hillsidetime-- thanks for rooting for me! I made it through this Day 1, and it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Work went very well, considering how much I have to do. I am starting to feel a lot better physically already, and my shakiness subsided a lot throughout the day. I still feel really cloudy-headed, and my skin feels really weird, but I am definitely improving.

So, getting through work, a meeting after work, running errands, and cooking dinner have made me feel much better mentally. I feel like even though I have a lot to take care of, I accomplished a lot. This evening with my daughter feels much more normal, and I am looking forward to a Skype date with my love before bed.

I know that getting off AL for good can take a lot of attempts, but I feel a firm resolve that's new. I've been thinking about how I slipped up yesterday, and I think I have identified some key factors: I was legitimately overwhelmed and also overly-panicky because of withdrawals. And I was alone. Hopefully, I won't have to ever deal with the extreme emotions of this withdrawal business again. But I am sure I will get overwhelmed, and if this happens I just can't be alone. Even if I don't accomplish what I feel like I need to, it's better to take the time to do anything at all than drink. Not drinking in stressful situations is going to have to take priority over everything else, at least at this point in my journey.

Today also reminded me that I am capable. Before my recent bender, I had organized my life so that I wouldn't have to stress about work. I can do that again. It's not going to happen all at once, and it's hard for me to be patient with myself, but it will happen.

hillsidetime-- I do know the urge-surfing technique. I have had a lot of success with it in the past. I even had success with it during the first half of Sunday. I think that Sunday, the urges were fiercer and so much closer together than I anticipated that it took every ounce of me to step back from them. Part of why I panicked was that I couldn't really do much other than remind myself that the urge would pass over and over and/or try to distract myself. I had so much to do, and I just couldn't do it.

Anyway, my little one is getting out of the bath, so it's time for bed. I am so, so happy to have made it through today and I feel optimistic about tomorrow. Thanks to all of you again, and I hope you're doing well!

[aison]

I can do this

I did not give into the voice

I very much understand and appreciate your saying that you did not give into the voice. Pat yourself on the back. that is an accomplishment. I also know about being worried about work. Think, as far as you're concerned, "You never heard of having a drink." At least not on a week night. If you can't sleep, get up and wash the floor or something.
I have been trying for the last two weeks to limit drinking to one drink an evening, and that has to be in a bar so that I won't drink at home. In my 12 day effort, I failed twice. I tell myself that I have gotten better. That is a bit of a positive, but I don't want to rest there.
This is a very slow process for me, but I do see improvement. Keep trying.

Aison

Pocket;1274529 wrote: Pocket here, at the beginning of Day 1 after messing up my Day 2 yesterday. :new:

I felt terrible about myself yesterday, but I did not give into the voice that said, "well, since you failed today you might as well keep drinking." So I guess that's a positive thing. I did have a pretty sleepless night. I am extremely worried about work, and that, coupled with my slip so early in this attempt for sobriety kept waking me up. My body is probably not happy with me, either, since it started healing a little and then I threw in some AL. So I slept off and on and had really crazy dreams.

I am up early and I feel twitchy, shaky, and anxious. I think it's part work anxiety and part detox. I also know for sure that I am not going to drink today at all, no matter how bad I feel. I know that my body and mind will feel better as I start to heal, and I just have to get the process started again.

I am struggling to stay positive, but I am trying hard to block negative thoughts and replace them with helpful ones. It's easy to ruminate about how much I've screwed up, how much there is to do to fix things I let go of during my bender, how I can't believe I caved yesterday, how bad I feel... But I keep telling myself that these feelings are temporary. That part of why everything feels catastrophic right now is due to the damage AL has done to my GABA receptors. I keep thinking about how much better I will feel this time next week. Also, even this is a lot better than where I was this time last week.

And I have tools to get through this. I know I am one strong girl, and that I had the capacity to deal with discomfort quite well before my alcohol problem began. I can get there again. I am taking my supplements, and I am in touch with my counselor. Even though she's physically far away right now, I have tremendous support from my girlfriend. I can read the tool box on MWO. I am going to take a quick bath with Epsom salts before work to calm my body.

All that being said--I'm still scared. I'm scared of facing the day, faking it through. But I'm here, and I'm doing it, so wish me luck!

Goal 1- 7 days

[Pocket]

I can do this

Okay, here I am the afternoon of a brand new Day 2. I rocked at work today even though it was stressful. I have a lot of work left for tonight. I'm feeling tired (still not sleeping well) but positive and determined. I'm drinking a relaxation drink from the health food store and settling in on the sofa, ready to get stuff done.

I did have an urge to stop and get a drink on my way home from work today... my daughter will be with her dad for a while this evening. Being alone, needing to get more done, and dealing with my daughter's father all make me feel like drinking. But I'm not gonna, so screw you, AL!

[hope10]

I can do this

Stay positive Pocket! You can do this!!!

[LibraryGirl]

I can do this

Well done, pocket.:goodjob: AL never helped anyone in the long run, and you're going to need to get through the long run.

I know I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety so intense at one point, I couldn't even hardly go into a store to buy AL because my hands were shaking so badly and I felt like I was going to go beserk in front of everyone...It was almost driving me to acrophobia. That passed and I continued drinking, but I believe it would have returned (the anxiety, etc), and now I hope it is over with completely, now that I'm AF.

Let's do this!:clapping2: