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    #1

    serious now

    Hi,:new:
    I'm new to this forum idea, but I'm hoping that talking about the problem might actually help me stop drinking this time instead of trying to do it on my own. I'm too scared to admit to any one I know that I have a problem (though I'm sure plenty of people know already), but it seems that admitting to it means I really have to try to do something about it. I went for a whole month last year without drinking and celebrated of course with a bottle of wine. Now I'm drinking more than I ever did before and for my children's (and my own sake) I really need to stop. I always thought that if I could just drink in moderation it would be fine, but now I wonder if I can ever just do that. Do I really need to give up completely....? Would love to hear anyones thoughts
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    #2
    serious now

    Welcome Downunder!

    I am new here too so i dont have much knowledge to offer you. I do think if you are questioning whether you can moderate or not, you probably know the answer.

    I KNOW i cant moderate, i've proven it to myself over and over again. It's much more work/struggle than just going AF, IMO.

    Good luck on your journey, i wish you the best!
    sigpic

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      #3
      serious now

      downunder;1275153 wrote: Hi,:new:
      I'm new to this forum idea, but I'm hoping that talking about the problem might actually help me stop drinking this time instead of trying to do it on my own. I think you came to the right place I'm too scared to admit to any one I know that I have a problem (though I'm sure plenty of people know already), but it seems that admitting to it means I really have to try to do something about it.That right there seems like reason enough to tell at least a few trusted people I went for a whole month last year without drinkingAn amazing achievement, you did it once, now you know how to do it and celebrated of course with a bottle of wine. Now I'm drinking more than I ever did before and for my children's (and my own sake) I really need to stop. I always thought that if I could just drink in moderation it would be fine, but now I wonder if I can ever just do that.Seems to be a recurring theme, people that wonder if they can moderate, usually cant Do I really need to give up completely....?If it was me, thats the route I would choose, its just easier with the choice already made. Would love to hear anyones thoughts
      There is my thoughts, now kindly drop 2 cents in the mail....LOL


      Good luck, if you really want to quit, you can do it.
      Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




      DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

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        #4
        serious now

        Welcome Downunder!
        I don't believe a person with a drinking problem can successfully moderate...but that's just my opinion. I think if we could do that, none of us would be here. I know I can't have 1 or 2...that always leads to 12 or more. I can't tell you how many times I celebrated my sobriety with a 12 pack of beer (makes sense right? )
        Once you decide to quit, it becomes so much easier because it's not even an option. I'm glad you reached out to us, that's a great start. I hope to hear more from you!
        K9
        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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          #5
          serious now

          Thanks for the replies! I suppose I agree that I'll never be able to just have a few drinks socially but it's a nice thought! I remember when I decided to have a month off I just knew for that whole month that I couldn't have a drink and it seemed almost like I was a normal person, but I can't seem to get that motivation again. To give up forever seems a bit final, how do you know when you are ready for that? Surely that's when you have to start telling people because they'll notice that you don't drink any more. I tried to tell my best friend on skype the other day that I had a problem and then realised that the screen had frozen just as had started to tell her and she hadn't heard any of my confession- i took that to be a sign that I wasn't ready yet!! What is the thing that makes you really decide to stop and how do you let people know? I love my children more than anything in the world but after a full day with them that's when I really need a wine or a vodka, how do I get out of that???
          D

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            #6
            serious now

            You've done an amazing job staying sober so long, any tips?? My biggest fear is social occasions ( which to be honest I don't have too many of), the only thing I can think of is to drive every time. Do you still have fun when you go out?
            D

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              #7
              serious now

              downunder, for me it was just easier to conclude that I cannot drink. I have watched numerous people try to moderate. It doesn't look fun at all and it always (so far as I have seen) ends in failure. The truth is that I never wanted to just have a few drinks socially. I wanted to feel the buzz of AL. That is not the same thing as wanting a social drink and is what sets me apart from normal drinkers.

              If you stay AF long enough, you will find other ways to deal with stress, find relaxation and find pleasure after a day with the kids. IMO, a key part of staying AF is figuring out how to get all that without opening a bottle.

              For as much as we fret about other people noticing that we stopped drinking, no one has said boo to me about ordering soda water with a twist. If someone did, I'd tell them that I'm not drinking right now or that I'm on a diet or whatever. People have their own lives and really are not thinking that hard about what is in our glass, in my experience.

              Good luck. Hang in there. Stick around! This is a good place.
              Ginger



              You are here:
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                #8
                serious now

                Downunder, I think we used alcohol for absolutely everything - to celebrate, to numb out when we're sad or stressed, etc. I think you have to replace it with relaxing things after a day with your kids......a hot bath with candles around you, meditation, exercise...Can you leave your house and go work out somewhere without your kids?

                I think when you start telling people is a very individual thing.......when you're sick enough of it and finally know you can't tolerate life with alcohol in it. But if you're not comfortable in the beginning you don't have to have a big confession...you can just say you don't want anything at that given moment and then work into it.......kinda overwhelming which is why one day at a time is a big saying from aa. You don't want to put stress on yourself. But, eventually you'll just know you're done with it.

                I don't pretend coming to grips with any of this is easy. I still struggle too and am almost 4 months AF.......it's an evolving thing for me right now. But, I do want to get to where I can emphatically and confidently say I'm done. I just don't "go there" for the time being because the issue hasn't come up for me except for with my husband. He knows the truth, but I don't really discuss it with others because we see them so sporadically.

                Ginger - hi - xpost

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                  #9
                  serious now

                  Ok, done with the silly reasons for delaying the inevitable- up to day 3 AF now and will stick to nice realistic goals. First the week, then the month, and I'll see where I go from there... wish me luck!!

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                    #10
                    serious now

                    Great Job on 3 days! And yes they are the hardest! Than comes the mental part of it. So happy your with us!
                    Started living again 2/7/2015

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                      #11
                      serious now

                      I wish I had the answer to that one.... I can drink socially and keep it within reasonable consumption. My problem lies in the happy hour period from 3-6pm when I at home alone. My poor husband is sick of coming home to a stupored wife several days a week! I am thinking that abstaining altogether may be best for me. That's my initial thought anyway!

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                        #12
                        serious now

                        That's just it. The stupored condition we allow ourselves to get to. It would be different if it were just on Saturday night with friends. For me it becomes too routine. Everyone here says you often have to quit a number of times before you reach your real QUIT. I have definitely done my share of quits and feel so close to the final one. Moderation is a pain in the a&&. What right does that creep called alcohol have to consume so much of our daily thoughts. Aren't there worthier topics of thought? That's my motivation for not even thinking moderation. When I finally do get some AF time under my belt my aim will be for complete abstinence.

                        Thanks to MWO, it's amazing members, some recent life situations and fantastic reading material, I am almost there. Let us know how you are doing.
                        Tipplerette

                        I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                        "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                        ? Lao-Tzu

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                          #13
                          serious now

                          That's 7 days done! Feeling confident at the moment though I have substituted alcohol for food... hope that's just a temporary thing.....
                          Still it's a start, just gotta keep going.

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                            #14
                            serious now

                            Way to go Downunder. I'm at day four. I'm right behind ya! Let's kick the wine to the curb and enjoy life as it was meant to be lived; clear headed and real.
                            Tipplerette

                            I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

                            "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
                            ? Lao-Tzu

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                              #15
                              serious now

                              :goodjob: downunder and Tipple!

                              Keep at it, I hear the rewards are fantastic!


                              "I like people too much or not at all."                               Sylvia Plath

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