needing support

[aliame]

I am a habitual drinker and have been for years.
I have been a member here for years and sometimes find it helps, sometimes not.
I have the CD's and All One and some medication/vitamins.
I want/ need to stop drinking, I know I am killing myself. I worry about me leaving my two precious children without a mum.
I honestly have run out of new starts, I have failed so many times. Was hearing recently it would be impossible to kick my habit on my own. This feelings all lead to a drink...Never get falling down drunk, mainly cos have built up a resistance I think.
At night, I lie awake panicking about dieing and leaving the children.
Last liver tests, a year ago, not good. Eyes permanently bloodshot. Stomach huge. Itchy skin. Doesn't sound good. Just do not want this to be how/what I am...

[K9Lover]

needing support

:l My heart goes out to you Aliame.

I was where you are not that long ago. I hated what I was doing to myself, yet I couldn't seem to stop. I knew I was killing myself, and I hated that I was going to leave my daughter without a mother...all because of choices I made. Please believe that you have NOT run out of new starts and failure does not define you or your chances of beating this thing. What's important is that you WANT to quit drinking. Once you decide that you are going to quit, nothing or no one can get in your way. Please believe that.

What can you do, just for today, to change your routine and get a sober day in? Can you take your 2 little ones to a movie or the park? Can you spend your evening in the bath, then read a book or watch a movie? ANYTHING to break the cycle, just for today...once you start changing your routine it will get so much easier. I KNOW, believe me, I KNOW it's not easy...but it CAN be done, and I can hear in your post how much you want it.

Please do not give up. You CAN do this and we can help you. Think of all you have to live for...don't let alcohol take that from you. Please stick close to us.

Sending you strength....
K9