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Hello. The title pretty much sums it up. I have been reading your post for months now. I have laughed and cried. I was nervous though to join. But I need this. I guess you could say I need you. I'm 38. I have been drinking since around 15 but have been drinking heavily for the last 10 years. Not too many days have passed that I haven't drank. My choice of poison is wine now. I can drink a big bottle of wine or some of you may have seen the 4 packs.. I can drink two of those and really think about drinking more. I have said severly thousand times that I really want to quit.. And you all know how that goes, so I won't go into detail about that.. Bottom line it didn't work. My parents were both serious alcoholics. I was raising myself when I was 4 or 5. My dad worked days and my mom would be passed out all day (for days). They had a violent relationship. I remember at 4 years old, I would go in the kitchen and hide all the knives because my mom said she was going to kill my dad. Geesh, 4 years old!!!! They divorced.
My mom moved away when i was in 10th grade so I moved in with dad. He was diagnosed with cancer and died the summer before my Senior year. I have gone through alot since then and now. I am AF since Monday and doing pretty well. To be honest, tonight is pretty hard. Maybe because I'm posting here and I'm feeling such a sense of pain. I don't want to drink... I just want to feel better physically and mentally. I just want to get to that place where I can be proud of me and who I am.. I want to know who I am. I just want to live.. Live healthy, happy... Like I said, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really am. Thanks for reading my babble. I hope to gain many friendships here as well as stregnth to get me to that place I have wanted to be since I can remember. Take care.
Hello. The title pretty much sums it up. I have been reading your post for months now. I have laughed and cried. I was nervous though to join. But I need this. I guess you could say I need you. I'm 38. I have been drinking since around 15 but have been drinking heavily for the last 10 years. Not too many days have passed that I haven't drank. My choice of poison is wine now. I can drink a big bottle of wine or some of you may have seen the 4 packs.. I can drink two of those and really think about drinking more. I have said severly thousand times that I really want to quit.. And you all know how that goes, so I won't go into detail about that.. Bottom line it didn't work. My parents were both serious alcoholics. I was raising myself when I was 4 or 5. My dad worked days and my mom would be passed out all day (for days). They had a violent relationship. I remember at 4 years old, I would go in the kitchen and hide all the knives because my mom said she was going to kill my dad. Geesh, 4 years old!!!! They divorced.
My mom moved away when i was in 10th grade so I moved in with dad. He was diagnosed with cancer and died the summer before my Senior year. I have gone through alot since then and now. I am AF since Monday and doing pretty well. To be honest, tonight is pretty hard. Maybe because I'm posting here and I'm feeling such a sense of pain. I don't want to drink... I just want to feel better physically and mentally. I just want to get to that place where I can be proud of me and who I am.. I want to know who I am. I just want to live.. Live healthy, happy... Like I said, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I really am. Thanks for reading my babble. I hope to gain many friendships here as well as stregnth to get me to that place I have wanted to be since I can remember. Take care.
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