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    #1

    Having a tough time

    :new: I am having a tough time even knowing how to put my feelings down into words. I don't know if i'm sad or mad or if I want a drink or bored or what. I have not had booze in the house since Jan. 31. I had two glasses of wine at dinner out with my hubby two weeks ago and he watched me like a hawk. I was in control but felt angry at his watchful eye.

    We are going away this WE and I know I'll have dinner out and want wine, he's already asking me what I'll do. I don't know. Can't I just play it by ear. Is it normal to be feeling so damned confused at this stage of the game? Any Opinoins out there will help me enormously.
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    #2
    Having a tough time

    Hi TLK

    Everyone is different to how they react/cope in the begining.. For me I didn't want to let myself or my partner down... because I didn't know how I would deal with the situation... What I realised is that by questioning myself I was actually fueling myself to believe I would "stuff" up again..

    Don't be so judgemental on yourself... give yourself a break...

    You will be just fine and you will cope and you won't let yourself down.. trust me.

    Wattle
    Failure is not the falling down... it's the staying down

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      #3
      Having a tough time

      Hi TLK,

      It sounds like your hubby is just worried about you. This 'journey' is not easy all the time, if it were everyone would find this a simple thing to do and it is SO NOT. Perhaps it would ease the situation to 'air' your thoughts (positive and negative) about the forthcoming dinner. That way both of you will know what is going to happen and you won't jeopardise the chance of having a nice evening out. Set the boundaries before you leave. If you both agree 2 glasses, then savour those two and let that be it

      Have a wonderful night!!!

      Amelia
      Amelia

      Sober since 30/06/10

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        #4
        Having a tough time

        And, by the way congratulations on all the AF days!!!!!!
        Amelia

        Sober since 30/06/10

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          #5
          Having a tough time

          Hi TLK

          It sounds like you're doing great so far! For me I've found it's best to have a plan ahead of time, whether it's abstaining or moderating, because otherwise it's just too easy to give in to those nasty voices that come up with all the excuses for me to drink (and drink...). It sounds like your husband is trying to be supportive, and it helps to have someone who knows what you're trying to do, even if he doesn't completely 'get it' because he doesn't have this problem that we do. Once you decide how you want to handle this, try talking to him about it - it might make you both more at ease.

          Good luck, and welcome!

          pixie
          AF since 6JUN2012

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            #6
            Having a tough time

            Thanks for the support

            :thanks: Thanks, you guys are great. I feel more confident and less confused about the future. It is so nice to know that I am not alone and that I don't have to be perfect! I'm still hangin in there.

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              #7
              Having a tough time

              TLK, yes good attitude. boy do I know how you feel. My wife often asks me "what's your plan for tonight" my evil defensive brain can almost hear her tapping her toe in an awfully annoying way....I haaaaaatteee it! I hate being supervised like a child. BUT I know it's done out of pure love and best wishes for me, if she could take away all my agony and grief on this issue she sure would. So basically I'm Still fighting this one myself and can only say to keep your "main" goal in the front of your mind as much as you can. Tonight at dinner I was AF even though my wife had a beer. it wasn't easy but I'm trying to show her (amd myself) that I can weather through. maybe next time I'll have two glasses...just so long as it doesn't start becoming a dreadful daily "gotta have it" again.
              take care!
              D
              nosce te ipsum
              (Know Thyself)

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                #8
                Having a tough time

                I can't believe it!

                Hi D,
                I can't believe that you have the willpower to not drink while your wife has a beer. My hubby will not drink in front of me becuase he knows I will have one. I do hope that the resentment goes away in time but it does sit below all the rationality at the bottom of my gut. He has no idea how hard it can be so what can I do. Good luck to you D. Keep on Trying.

                TLK

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                  #9
                  Having a tough time

                  Hi there.
                  D.....I can totally relate. That is my wife's favourite line too. For a second or two I feel like asking what the hell it has to do with her. Then my normal brain kicks in and I realise that she is only trying to help, to make me have some sort of plan instead of loitering around the place. Sometimes, when I come home from work, the urge will be upon me, and I'll sort of wander about, looking at the clock to see how much longer I have to wait for the shop to close. Susan calls it 'floating'. The closer it gets to closing time, the more agitated I become until I either surrender and run to the shop,which happens less and less now, or the clock ticks passed closing time and I can relax.
                  TLK....I can't add to what has been said except to say try and relax and enjoy your night out.

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