Any info welcome

[lolly]

I have been with my partner a year and have come to realise he has a problem, he told me that in the past he had drank heavy been in rehab and lost his liscence twice, naievely i thought it was because he was in a bad marriage, and when his marriage ended of course he sank into drink and depression for 18 months until we met, he wa sober when we met and drank during our relationship on a moderate scale nothing to make me think otherwise, but then out of no where he just drinks so much he shuts down, he sleeps and drinks shuts out the world completely including me, this has happened 4 times over the last 6 months when he's like this i speak to him on the phone and pop in to see him, but our life goes on hold, i have asked him to seek help, get antidepressants or try antabuse or similar drug, but he just says he'll get himself back on track in his own way, he says he is so happy with us and knows he could be losing the most important person in his life by doing this but he still refuses to get help, i could really appreciate some advice especially on the medication side, i love him dearly but i also cant bear the ongoing pain it causes me seeing him like this and basically putting our great relationship in limbo very time. Many Thanks x

[Wattle]

Any info welcome

Hi Lolly

Wish I could help.. but I'm the one that loves the booze.. but i realy knock myself around because I don't want to let myself or partner down..

Until your boyfriend realises he has a problem... he will probably keep the drinking up.. What you will find by reading the various threads on this site is that we all can come up with excuses for drinking.. "I had a hard day at work", "I'm pissed at the world". "I wish I hadn't..." excuses truly are just excuses... we can choose to drink and we can also fight it and choose not to...(if your b/f is a serious drinker... he doesn't want you to know he isn't handling)..

But that doesn't answer your question.. I might let the others try and do that.. but my one last thing to say is be careful sweetheart... I don't doubt he truly loves you... but it is also hard living with a drunk... who doesn't want to admit it...

Enough from me... Welcome here... people will come and introduce themselves to you slowly..

Wattle

[lolly]

Any info welcome

thankyou so much Wattle i appreciate ur comment, as i tried to explain to my b/f i feel so alone and isolated and i dont go to sleep to shut it all out, i cant tell anyone whats happening because they will not understand why im still there, i know they would just say stop letting him hurt you you deserve better, but its not easy when during normal periods thats the guy i love and find so hard to walk away from x

[betty boop]

Any info welcome

Hi Lolly & :welcome:

Like Wattle, i'm the one who was drinking and I know I put my husband through hell..... but whenever he tried to talk to me about it I got defensive, and It wasn't till I made the decision myself that I actually did something about it, please use this site as a sounding board, we will all do our best to help.

Also, Paulb posted this a few months ago, and it really hit home to me, I'm sure you will relate to it
"My wife found this in yesterday's Daily Record.... Scotland's best selling daily paper.

It came from the problem page. I think it reminded her of me.


YOU have probably heard this problem a thousand times. I am seeing two women at the same time.

One is a really nice lady, a good wife and mother, a friend and soul-mate. I see her two or three times a week and I love her deeply.

The other is a chain smoking, alcoholic, who is abusive, controlling when drunk, and not a very nice person. I see her four or five times a week and, although I don't like her, I love her as well.

I used to see the first one five or six times a week but the second one is taking up more and more of my time. I am getting to the point of despair. Don't ask me to give either up, it is impossible - as they are both the same person.

I can't walk out as I love her and my beautiful daughters, who are also sick of their mum's drinking.

I don't really know why I am writing to you. I probably just wanted to talk to someone. I have tried everything to get her to stop drinking.

If you print this, you never know, it might be the wake-up call she needs. Though after 20 years, I doubt it somehow."

Sending you lots of love & hugs, Paula :h :l :h

[Rocky]

Any info welcome

Alcohol abuse...The Relationship killer!

As others have said, to harp on it when the person is not ready to try to stop will only drive them to drink more in most cases.

You will have to try and cope, if you can and act on your own beliefs and principals.
Everyone here is open to listen and share, keep coming back.

Best wishes and prayers for you both

[SKendall]

Any info welcome

Hi Lolly,

addiction of any kind is a selfish disease. It ruins many relationships because it becomes our friend, mistress, comfort.

If you are resorting to medication, etc. for his addiction you may want to ask yourself if that is healthy. My husband wasn't healthy when he was enabling my drinking and I came to resent HIM for putting up with it. If he chooses that lifestyle - should you?

I encourage you to reach for your own goals and successes. Being a co-dependant to an addict is not a fun place to be and you reach for your own healthy life.

Best wishes,

Hilary

[Nicole2003]

Any info welcome

Hi Lolly,

Yes it needs to come from the person themselves, when they want to do something about it. Perhaps suggest he comes on here to read posts and talk to others? Who knows, maybe worth a try. All the very best, and take care of yourself.

Nicole

[AAthlete]

Any info welcome

Lolly, not sure where you are at, but you might also try attending an Al-Anon meeting. Not that I advocate all of their principles, but you would be able to interact with other people who are going through the same thing as you. You'll may also be able to gain some insight into why we do what we do to ourselves.

Hope things work out for you.