HELP!! I want to MOD

[LibraryGirl]

I know, I fecking know. It's day 20 here, and today I ate lunch at an Italian restaurant near the beach. It was a work day and I was with my co-workers and couldn't have drank if I wanted to, but I saw that wine list, and a sad ickle voice, said, You can't ever have a glass of wine again.:upset:

Why is it "normal" for most people to get drunk on the weekends, and I can't. I miss it. Oh is this one of the stages of grief?? I think I've gotten to the negotiating stage, for crying out loud!

[K9Lover]

HELP!! I want to MOD

Oh my dear LG :l
I know it's hard. What was your last drinking episode like? Calm and peaceful, or did it turn out bad? Whenever I am "tempted", I have to immediately erase the "romantic" version of drinking. Read my small tag line in my signature. That's the truth of drinking for me....what's your truth?
:h:h:h
K9

[LibraryGirl]

HELP!! I want to MOD

The last time I drank it was uneventful, other than the banging headache and hangover the next day. My main reason for wanting to quit is the after-effects, the threat to my liver, the inability to have any energy for anything else (although I still don't have a lot of that)...not that there weren't some pretty bad drunks too. I guess I wish I could drink one night a week and not have to let it rule my life. Do I try or do I trust that I could not do that? I have never really tried to cut back. I just quit.

I'm going to add a RANT here, although it's not the appropriate thread. I HATE that I can be so ambiguous about drinking.

[choice]

HELP!! I want to MOD

Hey Library Girl,

I think your right about the negotiating stage and grief part. I felt that way when I came here. I didn't think about slowing down.. I just quit. I remember thinking...... WAIT!! I'm not ready, I need to say goodbye.. or something?? I think you should pat yourself on the back for getting this far and I would suggest trying to keep on course with reaching 30 days. What can it hurt? You can always re-visit your plan then. I got over the hump with the grief and negotiating a little further down the road. Not drinking won't hurt you. I would suggest thinking of all the positive things that are happening to you the past 20 days. Do you feel better? If not keep going because you will. :l

[resrchqueen]

HELP!! I want to MOD

I can sort of relate to your feelings after having had a great meal tonight at an Italian restaurant myself. I noticed people at the tables around me with wine but what stood out to me more was the many people who were enjoying ice water, soda and iced tea. Our whole table had water and I felt very content. Will that always be the case? I am not sure. But for today it was enough!

[FlyAway]

HELP!! I want to MOD

Do you actually regret not drinking or is it the cravings calling you? Or none of the above.

[Nursie]

HELP!! I want to MOD

The nature of the beast is ambiguity.

emrgnc - parable of the integral (w) hole

Check it out.

[Turnagain]

HELP!! I want to MOD

Library Girl... Alcohol creates a tremendous amount of disruption in our brain chemistry and circuitry. And, whether we're born more susceptible to the damage or become damaged by excessive drinking, we end up in the same place: We're changed. And there's no going back to 'Before.'

So....

...we can torture ourselves by asking WHY and wish it wasn't so....

...we can go back to drinking and doing even more damage until it kills us...

OR

...we can accept the situation and do what must be done: eliminate the toxic substance that our bodies no longer tolerate.

LG the ONLY regret I have since going completely AF nearly 8 months ago is that I didn't do this YEARS ago. Life has never been better or fuller since I've been free of that addiction.

[one2many]

HELP!! I want to MOD

Modding is a myth.......

[allswell]

HELP!! I want to MOD

K-9 asks a pretty powerful question. I've accepted my relationship with alcohol will never change. After a bit of time away it might seem shiny and new, but the alcohol hasn't changed and I haven't changed either except I haven't had any for over two months. My truth is if alcohol is reintroduced into my life everything will go back to being complete shit. My truth is nothing changes if nothing changes.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

HELP!! I want to MOD

LG! Have you read Jason Vale's book yet? I just started this week...I was also feeling that overwhelming sadness of deprivation of NEVER having a glass of wine again...on my birthday, on holiday, etc., etc., The Vale book debunks our perception of AL and makes us see the horrible poison that it really is, and that we can be FREE of it forever if we just change the way we think. That we shouldn't feel deprived due to AL's promise of giving us that false "high" that only lasts for a few moments. AFTER that first drink, it is all downhill and if you cave in, you are only on that vicious cycle of the AL trap. As UW posted in the Gen. Discussion section recently, keep a zero tolerance to AL...stop yourself when you drift towards thoughts of AL as desirable...they are only cravings and they will pass. Stop them in your tracks and STAY ON TRACK! Get to your 30 days and see how good and proud you feel. We are all behind you! Good luck!

[shueaddict]

HELP!! I want to MOD

Oh, honey ... it does feel like shit ! it's like the untimely end of a love affair...

When I broke up with Mr. Sauvignon Blanc the first time I was in bits. I missed him daily. And all the while knowing how desperately he wanted me back too.

He promised me bliss and happines but ended up giving me only grief and depression. Once I saw what a liar he was we were through ...

[SAUSAGE]

HELP!! I want to MOD

LG - please read my story in the Tell us your story section ,right to the end including the latest update #32 You will learn how several times I tried to mod and it just didn't work. After each failed attempt it took me longer and longer to find the strength to start again. Las time after over 8 months AF I tried to Mod and was back to square one within days and then it took me nearly 3 yrs to find the strength to start again.

If I fail again this time I fear there won't be a next time. That's why I'm so determined to try and quit.

Stay strong

Sausage x
Day 20

[LibraryGirl]

HELP!! I want to MOD

I feel better today. Just. 21 days today. Tomorrow will be three weeks.

I guess I need to practice some self-control when it comes to the boards. I post these ridiculous threads, negating every thing I've said in other threads. It makes me look stupid. I'm sorry.

Roll on WEEKEND.:yougo:

[Snapdragon]

HELP!! I want to MOD

LG - I'm not qualified to give you advice (as I've failed completely so far!) but please listen to those who can and know that modding isn't an option. You are one of the successes on MWO now - don't come back to square one again - it's not a good place to be.

Jason Vale's opinion on AL is a good one - I like the way he compares it to taking a class A drug like herion (which most of us addicted to AL wouldn't consider). When you next think of a glass of wine replace the word wine with heroin. "It's my birthday - don't I deserve a lovely shot of heroin to celebrate?" AL is a poison and a drug - you don't deserve to do that to yourself.

Hey Shue - great quote - and I just noticed you are one month today!! Congratulations :applaud: - how has it been for you - would love to hear your experience this last month.

I tried to go completely AF at the beginning of March, but have managed a sequence of one day with wine and two days off. I now feel more committed to going completely AF and yesterday was Day 1 for me. I've also joined 247helpyourself.com which was recommended by one of the other MWO members. This is free and has a few useful tools such as a blog to keep a personal diary and goals and targets - so I'm hoping with this and MWO I've am better equipped to tackle this.

Keep forging forward and those of you like LG, K9, Shu (sorry if I haven't remembered everyone - I'm terrible with names!) who are the successful ones on MWO - please keep being an inspiration to the stragglers like me :thanks: