I'm sorry i ever left

[K9Lover]

I'm sorry i ever left

Hi Strugges,
I just wanted to pop in and say hi and see how you are doing. Keep us updated ok? We're here to help, and we know this is NOT easy, but it IS doable.
K9

[merry]

I'm sorry i ever left

Hi struggles how r u going
It's a hard struggle but you can do it
we have all been there
I'm back again hopefully I can kick it this time

[LostButFound]

I'm sorry i ever left

Struggles
While I haven't been on a bender I am hungover, hurting and everything else you describe today. I made a list that I'm hoping will help me - and maybe it will help you?

My list of what is bad about my drinking
Driving. It's reckless, dangerous and just plain stupid.
Hangover. It's a total waste of time. I have missed holidays, work and weekends.
Feelings. I'm remorseful, embarrassed and filled with shame and regret.
Black outs. I don't need to add anything here.
Relationships. I have marred a few relationships with drunk behavior.
Addiction. I want to be stronger than that.
Health. The day after drinking I pop headache medication, xanax and Malox in order to feel better. What am I doing to system?
Trust. In myself - more times than not lately when I go out to drink socially I drink waaay too much. I set my drink number at 3 but by 3 it turns into 5 then 7.
Lies. I have lied to people many times when hungover that it's really just a headache, or I think I have the flu or something.
Behavior. I feel justified for being flirty or doing things normally I wouldn't do when sober. I lose a bit of my boundaries.

Things I fear about quitting
Trust. Somehow I still have some kind of trust that I will only stop at a few
Socialbility. Will I seem like a loser to friends if I don't drink? Will I not enjoy myself as much out without drinking? (I mean out to dinner, etc)
Embarassment. What will I tell people? I can't limit myself? I'm not mature enough to control myself?
Buzz. I will miss the buzz. I will miss the escape.
Stigma. I was brought up in a culture where drinking is deemed cool.
Work. I don't want to have to put work into yet another thing in my life.

Rewards
EVERYTHING! I truly have nothing to lose!

[struggles]

I'm sorry i ever left

I am officially beginning day 4, sober.

I did not stop drinking until last Friday night at 6pm. I was so hung over Saturday and sick Saturday. I did not drink Saturday or yesterday, although I did not sleep well at all and had itchiness and tingling in my hands and feet. But, in all fairness, I started taking the topamax again, so that could have something to do with it.

I hope to make it stick this time. I promised myself I would NEVER drink again. For me, for my daughter, for my son.

On Thursday night, my daughter asked me why I was drinking when I promised her I would stop....she's 10...I kept drinking all night Thursday and the father picked them up on Friday and I was still drinking, hiding it, but drinking. I could care less, I was mad at the world for everything that was pitiful in my life.

I was supposed to spend the weekend with my boyfriend and I made an excuse of why I couldn't make it out to his house. I also promised him I quit.

Something snapped in me. I put down my open beer, threw a bag together and drove to his house...I know I should not have driven and I am SOOOO ashamed I did and so thankful I did not hurt anyone. He was not home and was not expecting me. He had some beer he was getting rid of so it was not around when I came to visit, he does not drink at all, but had it for guests, and I opened and drank two of them. I called him and told him I was at his house and he came right home.

I acted normal, but he knew. He never said a word. I confessed to him in the early morning because I felt so guilty about hurting my daughter, my son and him and knew I needed their love and support more than I needed alcohol.

We both cried for hours and I told him how I broke my little girls heart and that just broke mine even more. I will NEVER forget that look on her face when she said why mommy do you have to drink? You promised.

I knew on Friday when I put that beer down that if I stayed home I would have drank all weekend long since I did not have the kids and had already made my excuse to get out of seeing bf for weekend and something said RUN, RUN LIKE HELL....

I pray that this was my turning point, I have never felt so sad and alone and horrible at hurting those I love.

I hate alcohol, it does nothing for us.

I hope you will all continue to help me along my journey as I know I will stumble.

Tammy

[Almostfamous]

I'm sorry i ever left

Hi Struggles,
Glad you are posting again. It sounds like you are really making progress. When I stopped drinking 34 days ago I was sick of my own self. How could I be a present and competent mom if wine was becoming the center of my universe? Neither my husband or my daughter deserved that. Posting on this site and reading other peoples stories really help. Set goals and take each day as it comes. I know how overwhelming it can be to look too far down the road. In the beginning I had nasty sleeps and wicked sugar cravings but knowing each morning I put my feet on the floor without any alcohol has been worth every uncomfortable craving and thought. It does get better! Hugs to you.

[sugarbeat]

I'm sorry i ever left

Hey Tammy

Hang in there,if you get overwhelmed with the old emotions over the next few days, remember its just the drink leaving your body and messing with your head, can be had to remember this at times but can be a great source of relief at other times.

Big huge congrats on your 4 days, the first few are the hardest and I know its been said a million ties but it will get better, and your thinking is going to get so much clearer and stronger

Go easy on yourself and sending you good vibrations

[Katie Cat]

I'm sorry i ever left

I feel your pain

I'm trying to convince myself to get sober. Your story and the other posts are helping. I'll try to share more later.

[FlyAway]

I'm sorry i ever left

Good job on Day 4 Tam. Did you finish reading the Jason Vale book? It helped me a lot. I find myself picking it up every month or two and rereading parts of it.

[K9Lover]

I'm sorry i ever left

Hi Tammy,
Remember the look on your baby girl's face. I went through something similar. Mine wrote me a letter and she sat there with tears streaming down her face as I read it. I vowed I would never intentionally hurt my baby, EVER. My heart broke that night...but my resolve strengthened. I got sober for her, but I've stayed sober for ME. You can do it too! You are not alone in this, we all understand. Stick close!
K9