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    #1

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    it's 6:30am and I hardly remember driving home.
    I did the 'one eye closed thing'.
    I'm so tired of this; of myself; of little self-control.
    HOW do you cope? HOW do you say enough is enough?
    I'm so sad.
    I'm 47 - why do I not know better?
    I have a huge headache - HUGE - my stomach doesn't feel great.
    I stopped for one beer and that was it - whet my appetite and called a friend. Figured ok - we won't be out long. Then she knew another bartender and that was that - we went out for more. Had I stopped at the first place it'd been ok.
    sigh
    I'm just disugusted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    LostButFound
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    #2
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    Hi, LBF.

    First of all, don't beat yourself up!! This really has nothing to do with will power, as many of us who have lots of will power often fail at controlling our drinking. That is true for me, anyway.
    I just want to tell you that I got two DUIs within six months, and at the age of 58, had never even had a speeding ticket before that. So you were very lucky not to be stooped by the police --or have an accident injuring or killing yourself or others.
    You can do this, because as I always tell people, if I can do it, anybody can! I had to do a 28 day rehab, and I have been sober four months now. I do go to AA five or six times a week, do some service work for my home group, etc. I know it's not for everyone, and it wasn't for me for a long time, but once I accepted that these people truly did want to help me, I started working the program and it, along with this site, has been a lifesaver for me.
    I don't know how much you've been drinking, but be careful of withdrawals. I took Librium for two days before heading to rehab, and was fine.
    Please keep coming back here every day, and check out the newbies nest, too. This is a very supportive group of people with tons of experience and all here to help.
    Hang in there! You want to stop drinking, and that is a big step!
    :lTDN
    "One day at a time."

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      #3
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      Hi LBF and :welcome: I understand how disgusted you feel. I have been there. I too got a DUI, like TGN, but it took another 11 years for me to stop drinking. The DUI did work in one
      way. I never drank and drove again, but it didn't help my body and mind.

      I came to this site 24 days ago, today, and have been quit since. I am also 47, 48 on April 1st. I thank the powers that be that I finally came to my senses. I wish it had been earlier in my life, so that I could have not wasted so many years (in some ways), but maybe you can only quit when you're ready. I can honestly say I wasn't ready till now.

      You'll get a lot of tips on this board and loads of encouragement. Keep posting and stay as close as you can.:l

      LG


      "I like people too much or not at all."       Sylvia Plath

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        #4
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        3DN
        Thank you for writing!
        Well, I am beating myself up but...that's how it is.
        I don't drink everyday nor do I always drink too much.
        My thing is there are times (and lately it's been once a week) where I'll just go over that little threshold and think "what the hell, I'll be fine" when clearly I'm alreadyI' not already at that time and keep drinking.

        YES - thank god nothing bad happened while driving and on St Pats no less.

        I've tried hypnosis twice; the last woman I used I really like but now she is out of the practice and I probably need reinforcement so now the task of finding someone else.

        I've told my psychologist but he assures me I'm not drinking too much. True - it's not like I have the urge every night and Friday I went out with friends, had 2 beers, some food and truly was fine.

        I asked my reg doc for the drugs that keep you from drinking and she said no, those are heavy duty. I feel like no professional will listen to me. If I think I have a prob regulating then I have a problem regulating!

        Ideally I'd like to moderate - ideally...but that isn't working either. UGH!

        I have a friend in AA and I don't think that type of group would be for me; but it's hard to do it alone so I come here.

        I feel like I'm at my witts end.
        LostButFound

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          #5
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          LBF, I used to moderate pretty successfully like you, in that I didn't drink every night, and sometimes didn't drink to excess. However, alcohol is a lethal drug and you can never know when the right combination will get it's hooks into you, and then you cannot stop until you are wasted. I progressed to drinking almost every night...a few cocktails some nights, then even though I told myself I wouldn't, on other nights, completely wasted.

          I have not tried AA either, and I don't know if I ever will, but I don't think it is the only way, by far. All I have done so far is come here every day, and it is working for me. You don't have to be what "society" labels as an alcoholic to be what you yourself cannot live with (when alcohol is in the picture).

          BTW, people who get drunk every weekend (not saying you do) are not normal drinkers either, even though most of my friends feel this is acceptable.


          "I like people too much or not at all."           Sylvia Plath

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            #6
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            Found, I tried for so, so painfully long to convince myself I could control my drinking. I can't. And I am so grateful for that simple realization and acceptance. I can't. I never could. I never will. That part of my life is thankfully over. My suggestion to you is to read the MWO book, follow the plan for 30 days, hang out here and read up on other peoples's experiences. After 30 AF days, see what you think. Your body will thank you too.
            sigpic
            Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

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              #7
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              To All
              I am overwhelmed by the love and support here! Honestly!
              Oh yes - I try to tell myself I have the will-power but it's not 'my' will power any longer when under the influence. Right?
              I almost want 'something' to make me quit. Some medical reason; etc. I take Zoloft and that makes the effects of drinking amplified so right there I'm doomed.
              LG: I have friends, too, who don't think anything of drinking everynight and/or getting wasted. I don't know if I envy their being so casual about it or if I wonder if they have a problem, too.
              I 'want' to be ready but obviously am not. So why am I wasting my time drinking too much followed by a hangover? That's a lot of time, energy, money and health to invest in something that I feel awful about doing.
              GE: I will get the MWO book; I tried to give up drinking for lent but allowed myself to drink on the weekends. What sense does that make? Overall I've been making a bit of progress but wow - when it goes bad it really goes bad.

              There have been times in my life I've really cut back. I wasn't much of a drinker until my 30's. I swear it only seems to be getting worse- in so far as less self control.

              I don't tell any of my friends; I'm too ashamed. I think I'm going to tell my boyfriend, though, as currently he can't drink due to an possible ulcer. Maybe if I confide in him it would help both make me accountable to someone and not want to disapoint him.

              I hate this. I hate the crappy way I'm feeling; etc
              LostButFound

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                #8
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                A challenge I've heard about, and am competing in, although I just realized it, is this: Stop drinking completely for 30 days. If you feel you are not "really" addicted, then it should be no problem. It will be an eye-opener, I believe, and you will never regret the AF days.


                "I like people too much or not at all."                 Sylvia Plath

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                  #9
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                  i have been there so many times. i would usually not deal with the hangover and keep drinking and ruin myself for the week. if you have truly not hit your rock bottom, tell yourself that you have before it becomes a very terrible rock bottom. i just got a DWI 6 weeks ago and that was mine, though i have tried to quit other times before. i am soooo lucky no one was hurt and that is the thought that is getting me through this. alcohol is no good for anything. life has so much to offer why do we keep choosing to dilute it?
                  I must suppress the beast within so I can find my way out of the darkness.
                  sober since 2/4/12

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                    #10
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                    Absolutely!
                    It's not good for anything if we can't either handle it or control it.
                    I wish I could be a one glass of wine person but generally I can't (or beer or whatever).

                    Generally it's when I go out that I drink too much. I've cut out a lot of the 'going out drinking' and have friends that are good about just going to dinner or lunch etc. Going out drinking was a big part of my social life but it isn't any longer.

                    I could give it up for lent I wonder how I would for 30 days. There is always some excuse; someones birthday, a party, blah blah blah.

                    I've not yet hit rock bottom but I can't say I'm convinced I won't.

                    Life is good. It's even better without the remorse from drinking and the hangover.
                    LostButFound

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                      #11
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                      HEY LBF

                      I'm glad I saw your post. You and I are the same. I know exactly how you feel.
                      Exactly.
                      I'm not big on the alcoholic term; I prefer alcohol addiction-for some reason.
                      I had over 3 months sober and blew it, then last Wednesday night I don't remember driving home. Like you I am ashamed,embarassed, and astounded at the power of alcohol.
                      I am back on day 4. Rather depressing but far better than drinking. Binge drinking is not that much different than daily drinking, in lots of ways.
                      Living sober is hard and different. Soemetines I just don't know what to do with myself. Drinking with friends seems like "fun". For a lot of them it is-they have a couple and go home. For addicted people like us it in anything but. It is self-destrution.
                      If this sounds dramatic so be it. It is, to me,a life and death struggle. Not getting a DUI is just a miracle for me, and when I think of harming myself it's not as bad as thinking of harming someone driving drunk.
                      Knowing that alcohol blackouts are the brain's way of keeping you alive after too much alcohol consumption SHOULD be a deterrent but it's a powerful addiction.
                      If you like we can chat and try to help each other.
                      This is a wonderful place for support but I am accountable to myself in the end.
                      Take care

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                        #12
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                        LBF wrote:

                        "I could give it up for lent I wonder how I would for 30 days. There is always some excuse; someones birthday, a party, blah blah blah."

                        It sounds like you recognize that these are just excuses, since you end this sentence with "blah,..." Also, don't wonder about yourself, or what you can do. Aren't you the one making the decisions? Someone's birthday, another party, another holiday....these will continue throughout the year, every year, but do you want to compromise YOUR health for "celebrating" annual events, or something even more trivial? Why can't you celebrate without alcohol?

                        Just some thoughts.:l


                        "I like people too much or not at all."                         Sylvia Plath

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                          #13
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                          I sooo do not want this to come off like finger-pointing or judgemental. Though perhaps it is. But I've been surprised since I've been visiting this site - just the past 10 days - at the numbers of people who've been cited, or jailed, for driving under the influence.

                          And yet - for some - that's not the most important thing? I sympathize with your struggle right now, LostButFound - it seems an insurmountable mountain to climb, to get somewhere other than alcohol involved, alcohol 'enjoying,' alcohol dependent. BUT it can be done - witness all the other voices on all the other threads here.

                          BUT - to drive when you are wasted and still wonder whether there's a problem....just flat-out makes me angry. People DIE. People die, children die, when other people get behind the wheel after drinking.

                          OK - I'm being harsh and I probably should just delete this post. But I'm not going to.

                          I do wish you luck in the coming days and weeks and I know it is possible, with the help of all the voices here, to find success in this battle.
                          Tell me, what is it you plan to do
                          with your one wild and precious life? - Mary Oliver

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                            #14
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                            CM
                            While it's not easy to read those words they are true. 100%. There is absolutely zero good excuse for reckless dangerous behavior.
                            I don't wonder if I have a problem; I'm working on facing it.
                            LostButFound

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                              #15
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                              That's the first step lbf!

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