New to everything

[CleaverMeals]

Hi everyone... I am brand new to this and Im not sure what I can do accept ask for help and advice.

I dont by any means think i am an "alcoholic" but drinking problems somewhat run in the family, my father quit drinking for awhile becasue it was becoming a problem and his father drank heavily as well I am told ( I never met him he passed away before I was born)

I guess what brings me here is my concern. I dont drink often, maybe 1 maybe 2 times a month, but when i do i seem to always take it too far and black out and do and say things that dont ever reflect how I feel or am.

I dont want to say I have a problem, but i know i do. the next day I always feel so guilty and depressed and sad about my actions. sometimes what happens is not major other times i hurt the person closest to me, my girlfriend, by doing or saying silly or upsetting things.
I have told her many times in our 2 yr relationship that i wont take it too far anymore and know my limit, but that one time we go out for a birthday or special event I always wake up not rememebering the ends of my night and she is upset.

I guess what I need is advice from people who have been there. I dont know why it happens but it does. and alot of it is social interaction and my inability to say no.

Thanks for listening, hoping to get some positive advice here

[Jolie]

New to everything

:welcome: Cleaver!

Not that I'm an expert by any means but it sounds like your style of drinking is referred to as "binge drinking". The fact that you have found this place and maybe think you have a problem probably means that at some level, you do. The good news is that others here who have more knowledge on your specific drinking issues than I do, will soon be along to offer their advice.

Hope you find the answers you are looking for - MWO has been a lifesaver for so many people.

[Nursie]

New to everything

Welcome Cleav,
That's how I used to drink. Just binging when I DID drink. I figured, I never drink so do it up. Then I added more drinking, and then of course more binging.

The more episodes you have, the more pieces if yourself get taken away, until it becomes normal and expected.

Denial can last an entire lifetime, but it doesn't have to. For me, bad things happen when I drink, so I don't drink.

I wish you well and we are here for you.

[Struggles 106]

New to everything

Hey Cleav

Blackouts from drinking alcohol are very scary, in terms of what they mean about your drinking and the physiology of why they happen. Not good. Binge drinking is a pattern that tends to allow us to oretend that well....we don't drink that much, and we're not the type to drink every day...and so on.
Don't kid yourself. It's a problem, and it's progressive and it will get worse. Sorry to be so dire about it but it is what it is.
You could continue until you have a real tragedy to deal with or stop now. It is very hard but certainly worth the struggle.
I'm on day 5 so I'm no expert but I've tried a LOT.

I wish you well and there is great support here

[Willow23]

New to everything

Hi there. I'm on day 2 but I've tried several times and not got far. This is it now! I'm the same as you, don't drink every day but I binge and black out etc It might not be a regular occurrence now but as someone else said, it will become one and you don't want to be like that.

Come over to the Newbies Nest, lots of support and advice there. People like me are just starting again so we can go through it together but there are others who've been AF for years too.

[Sammi33]

New to everything

Hi there, i am on day 2 also, so there are many around here who probably have better advice.

The one thing that struck me when i read your post is that what you describe is exactly how i started. I don't know how old you are but thats exactly how i drank until my mid 20's. One thing i just want to say to you is whatever happens don't start drinking any more often than you do because it will spiral out of control faster than you can stop it. It starts with just one or two after a hard days work and it ends up badly.

At the moment you have some choices to make and some reading to do, i just wish i had recognised that something was up when i only drank twice a month.

Best of luck xx

[Irie]

New to everything

I second what Sammi says. In my 20's I drank just once every couple of weeks or so, but always to excess. Even then I knew I drank differently than my friends. By my late 30s I was drinking every single night until I passed out. Then I would just get up in the morning and go to work, not even feeling that bad.

I suppose that could have gone on forever, but now I'm getting a little older and I don't bounce back after a night of drinking the way I used to. I wake up with a puffy face, bleary eyes and a reluctance to head out the door to work. That's not good if you drink every night!

One thing I've learned is that problems with alcohol are progressive. They only get worse, I'm afraid. And drinking becomes less fun. So it becomes a no brainer. If its not fun to drink, and you don't feel well the next day, the solution is simple. In theory. In practice those years of drinking have set patterns in your mind that are really, really tough to break. And that's why we're all here. To help each other find our way out. I'm glad you found us, Cleaver. I hope you stick around.

[K9Lover]

New to everything

Hi CM and welcome!

I became a daily blackout drinker...it is SCARY! I did and said things that I'd never do sober. The shame, regret, embarrassment, and anxiety became so overwhelming. As other have said, this is progressive...it will only get worse. If you can get some control now, it will be much easier than later. My drinking peaked a couple of years ago and that's when I knew I was done. It was no fun anymore...not AT ALL. I definitely do not want to be a 40 year old sitting around drinking a 12 pack of beer alone every night...but that's exactly where I was headed.

I'm glad you've found us and I hope you can glean some wisdom from these folks here, they have a lot to offer. Stick around and let us know how you're doing!

K9

[BlondeAFAmbition]

New to everything

Alcohol is a progressive disease...although you are binge drinking a few times a month now, AL is an addictive substance and will only lead you further down the path of addiction unless you take the steps to change and rid it from your life once and for all. Blacking out after a binge is highly dangerous...blacking out is a defense mechanism that your body uses to stop you from taking in anymore poison or else your body will be unable to process it quickly enough and you will die, seriously. If that isn't reason to stop, I don't know what is!

Welcome to MWO and best of luck to you. You will find lots of support and love here. I wish you all the best in your new journey!

[CleaverMeals]

New to everything

wow everyone, I am absolutely blown away by the immediate responses and support. I feel so much support from perfect strangers and that means alot to me.

I agree with everything you have all said. I cant believe I have been in denial for this long. I thought, when i was in college, its something everyone experiences. I am now 27 (birthday yesterday) and it SHOULD not be happening anymore and it should have never been happening. I used to be an emotional blackout drunk, i would drink, be happy then somewhere throughout my night my mood would change and I would get very upset. This happened to me recenely, I blacked out and got upset, but I couldnt even tell anyone why i was crying. I dont remember what i said who i said it too. its heartbreaking.

I appreciate the kind words and the fact that you can all relate. I believe alot of my close friends would say I didnt have a problem and its ok, it doesnt "happen often" and I have been told that, but i know deep down, this is not normal.

I am taking steps towards trying to tell those close to me, that I want to quit drinking all together. I have tried it before, and was successfull. Then when I thought I was "ok" to ddrink again, I would take it easy when I did drink.... but then.... I would take it too far, just once, and be back where I started. Getting too drunk, not remembering my actions or words and waking up not knowing how upset my girlfriend was with me... or why.

I am definately going to go over to the newbies nest and look around. I dont know how to do this or how to bring it up. I am scared to have "the conversation" with those around me and important to me.

[Willow23]

New to everything

Cleaver, if it helps you, only my husband and best friend know that I've quit. I haven't told anyone else around me cos although they know I drink too much, I don't want to make a huge deal out of it. I'm just quietly going on my way and minding my own business. If anyone asks me why I'm not drinking, I'll tell them the truth - that I've realised it's bad for me. I joined the gym this year and there's no point working out and being healthy and then pouring poison into my body. Ok, so it's not quite the WHOLE truth lol - but it's all they need to know. Maybe one day I'll come completely clean, I don't know. But you don't HAVE to have 'that conversation' with everyone if you don't want to right now.