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    #1

    Well, here I go...

    Hello, I've been lurking around here for quite some time, but have never posted. I've done some pretty bad things while drunk but finally decided to try to change my relationship with AL, to start moderating my drinking. I was hoping I could share and get a little support, everybody here is always so

    It's time to stop lurking though, but I can't even honestly say I am going to stop drinking. I like to drink, i like the glow and I do like to get drunk. This is really why I have lurked for so long, part of me loves AL and the other part of me is concerned of where it is leading, plus the part that is disgusted with what I have done while drunk. I am hoping that by finally saying this (well, typing it ) that I can make some kind of change in my life before I descend to a point of no return.

    Sorry about the rambling, it all blurted out like in a confession booth!
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    #2
    Well, here I go...

    Welcome Nuttmeg

    Being a fellow struggler I am not one to mince words. Clearly you are aware of the troubling nature of the behaviors you describe.
    Nothing good is going to come of it-though you are a highly functioning drinker-just makes it easier to keep up the facade of so called "normalcy"
    It will get worse. You are me 20 years ago! I cannot tell you how I wish I had quit then and spared myself LOTS of grief.

    I hope you decide to stop and I wish you well. Sorry to be so dire but this is one of the few things in my life that I know for sure is true.

    Comment

      #3
      Well, here I go...

      Welcome Nuttmeg!

      You sound like a highly-functioniong heavy drinker...that was me too. I was always able to manage life no matter how much I drank. Of course I was also able to rack up two DUI's as well! Not to mention the stupid, embarrassing stuff I would always do drunk. You seem like you know you should quit or cut back, but you're just not sure if you want to. That was me too, I can totally relate. I guess what happened for me is that I finally just got tired of cleaning up my messes from drinking, scrambling to piece together the night before, trying to remember who I called/texted and what I said. The anxiety I felt every morning was overwhelming. And there's no way I can "moderate" either, I am an all or nothing type of gal....but ALL stopped working for me a long time ago.

      Please stick close and let us know how you are doing!

      K9
      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

      Comment

        #4
        Well, here I go...

        Hi Nuttmeg,

        Glad you decided to post
        Your drinking behavior does indeed sound unhealthy. It's only going to get worse, that's the nature of the beast! But you can get in control of your life now before any serious damage is done.
        Have you read the MWO book yet? That's where I started - you can download it right from the Health store here on the site.

        Please visit us in teh Newbies Nest for more support.
        Wishing you the best on your journey!

        Lav
        AF since 03/26/09
        NF since 05/19/09
        Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

        Comment

          #5
          Well, here I go...

          Hi, Nuttmeg.

          I am saying just what Ann said: You are kind of where I was ten or 20 yrs ago, but back then I would never, ever pour alcohol in my water bottle. That came in the last year or so. And, as K9L said, I managed to get two DUIs last year. So alcoholism is progressive, and they say you will end up in jail, in an institution or. . .dead. It may seem to you know that you have some control, but the disease progresses really quickly. In my case it progressed faster than I ever could have imagined. I would hate to see this happen to you.

          TDN
          "One day at a time."

          Comment

            #6
            Well, here I go...

            Hi Nutmeg.:welcome: I'm not sure that I was ever as highly functioning as you say that you are. In my 20s and early 30s I did not drink much during the week, and I knew if I did, I would not be able to function well the next day, and would probably miss work.

            In my late 30s and up until 28 days ago (I'm almost 48), I began to drink almost every night and although I sucked it up and went to work, I felt like shit almost all the time except when I was drinking. I stopped doing regular exercise, I slowly gained nearly 60 lbs, got a DUI, started missing more and more work, but still I didn't think I could give up AL. NOTHING made me feel better than AL.

            What I ignored was the blackouts, the inappropriate sexual behavior, the drunk phone calls to loved ones, the list goes on and on...And in all that time that I drank, I never ever drank during lunch, in the mornings, at work, or while driving (after my DUI). I also never hid AL. Those two behaviors are huge red flags.

            Please stop now before you spiral out of control. There is no getting better, or getting back on track as long as you continue drinking.

            LG


            "I like people too much or not at all."             Sylvia Plath

            Comment

              #7
              Well, here I go...

              :welcome: Nuttmeg-

              I related to your post very much...I, too was a very high functioning drinker...never late for work, never in trouble with the law, making cookies and reading with my child at night...you name it...but like you, I sought this place for a reason...I wasn't happy with myself or my drinking situation...which at the time was daily--usually a bottle of wine (more on the weekends, of course). I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am today now that I have AL out of my life...and I honestly thought there was no way ever I would be able to do it...but I knew I could do ANYTHING for my son...so I quit. What he sees, learns and experiences by me, means more to me than AL. And for a long time I told myself, well he doesn't see me drinking...but we both know he paid the price for a mom that wasn't truly "present" when I was with him.
              Didn't mean to get all preachy..it just took me so many tries to get this thing right...I hope you "get it right" the first time!! Great job posting....you are well on your way!!!:goodjob:
              SD
              "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

              6/18/11--7/3/12
              7/29/12

              Comment

                #8
                Well, here I go...

                Dear Nuttmeg,

                Thank you for posting and welcome to MUA! I am going to be brutally honest, you say that you like to get drunk and you like the warm glow of drinking wine. You have to want to quit to change. You have to want to change. Nothing will change if you keep going at the rate you are going. You are only going to go further down the rat hole of AL addiction. AL is an addictive drug. PERIOD. If you think you are going to miss that glow if you give it up, then you need to change the way you think of AL. AL does nothing for us but give us misery. It is bad for our organs, bad for our brains, bad for our attitude, bad for us in general. Try giving it up for a week and see how you feel. I have been sober for 30 days and I cannot tell you how much better my life is. I drank 1.5 bottles of red wine every day...sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes a few shots of rum before wine. If I can do it, you can! Best of luck and I hope I don't come off too strongly but if it is one thing I am passionate about it is sharing the good feeling of sobriety with everyone who is suffering.

                Blessings!
                Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

                BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!                 :h

                Comment

                  #9
                  Well, here I go...

                  Double post

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Well, here I go...

                    Thank you for all the responses. I think I should clarify what I said, just so it doesn't seem like I'm not aware that I have a problem. I know I do, I was just trying to be honest when I said I liked getting drunk. And I do, I like the glow and I like the feeling. And I also know that my behavior is not normal, most people who enjoy a drink have a much healthier way of doing so, like I used to be able to.

                    I have been reading stories here for a long time, even before I registered 6 months ago ( the first time I almost made my first post). I know some are able to moderate, others stop drinking altogether. I am going to start off with cutting back and to moderate. I think I might have better succes that way as opposed to stopping altogether since my brain hasn't decided that I am done drinking so much, just my heart has.

                    Thank you all again for your posts, I hope to post here again on Monday with news that I cleared the weekend without a drink for the first time in years. That will be a good start.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Well, here I go...

                      Nutmeg, you sound like me just a couple of weeks ago ... I wasn't sure I wanted to quit either and I wanted to moderate. I couldn't. Not saying you can't, but just be aware of it. I think someone said a couple of days ago that you'll have a few 'failed' quits before you really quit - that's certainly true for me. Something's just clicked in me now and I don't want to do it any more. Hope everything works out for you and gets better x

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Well, here I go...

                        Nuttmeg, no offense, but if you've been drunk at work and drinking while driving, you have hit rock bottom. The only way to go further down is to kill someone or yourself while driving and drinking, or to find out you have a major health issue as a result of AL.

                        I hope you find your way out.


                        "I like people too much or not at all."                         Sylvia Plath

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                          #13
                          Well, here I go...

                          sorry but i agree with library girl
                          deep down you know you need to stop or you wouldn't be here

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Well, here I go...

                            Nuttmeg Wrote:

                            I think I might have better succes that way as opposed to stopping altogether since my brain hasn't decided that I am done drinking so much, just my heart has.

                            I know, for myself, my brain didn't decide to stop drinking when my heart did either. In fact, the AL brain still wants to persuade me to have an innocent little drink. If you wait until you no longer DESIRE AL, that time may never come. You have to take control of your impulses. That is what is required. Nothing more, nothing less.


                            "I like people too much or not at all."                             Sylvia Plath

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Well, here I go...

                              Welcome Nuttmeg. It took a lot of courage for you to finally post.
                              Fear is the biggest barrier for people that don't want to live like you are living any more.
                              You recognize that you have a problem and that is a powerful step.
                              We would love to save you from the hell of trying to moderate and argue what "bottom" means.
                              But you have to go down your own road.

                              My advice to you is to be brutally honest with YOURSELF. Try 30 days and see how you feel.

                              If it were easy, it wouldn't be so scary, but I believe you can do it.
                              Day 1 again 11/5/19
                              Goal 1: 7 days :heartbeat:
                              Goal 2: 14 days :happy2:
                              Goal 3: 21 days :happy2:
                              11/27/19: messed up but back on track
                              12/14/19: bad doozy but back on track

                              One day at a time.

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