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[sdlovespackers]

Well, here I go...

Very well said Nursie!! Great post!!

Nuttmeg--thank you for being so honest in your posts...I know for me too, I liked being drunk...or the feeling of being buzzed (or numb)...whichever word you prefer...or at least I thought I did...at any rate...once you have a few AF days under your belt, you will realize you how much better you feel...not just physically but emotionally (and about yourself). I remember howI felt just about the thought of not drinking...it actually made my chest feel tight and I felt panicky...I wasn't sure if I could do it...I tried cutting back, I tried no weekday drinking, I tried every "moderating way" I could think of....nothing worked...or it worked for awhile but then it was right back to where I was. Honey, we were all scared...just take this journey one step at a time and know we are all here for you. :l
SD

[LibraryGirl]

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Nuttmeg I've taken the hard line, and I am not heartless. I guess I feel like once you come here and admit your problem, you want help. If we just agree with you and say yes, you just take it however you see fit, and maybe it will work for you, then who are we kidding? You? I, nor any other person here can quit pouring AL and putting the glass to your lips. It will ultimately be up to you.

It's not easy. It's so hard. I WISH like hell I could drink "normally". I wanted so badly to buy a bottle of AL on my way home today. I didn't. I don't know when I will feel differently, or if this is something that I will battle the rest of my life. All I do know is that each time I resist, I never, ever wake up and wish I had drank AL.

I don't want to be the bad guy. Maybe I am really talking to myself, because I know I would take the same route you are trying to take, if I could let myself believe that it would work. I don't believe it.

Whether or not you quit, you will have support here if you want to come back. I hope you don't take what I have said too harshly. I mean it in the best possible way, my dear.:l

[SKendall]

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Hi Nuttmeg, it took a courageous move on your part to ask for help today. We can tell you all kinds of scary consequences for your drinking, but as long as your addictive brain is at play you can convince yourself it will be okay.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease so if you stopped drinking for the next 20 years and started up again you will return to abusing alcohol. Once we're a pickle we never return to a cucumber.

What would your rock bottom be? At the very least you are at high risk for a DUI, handcuffs, jail, losing your license, etc. More people probably know despite what you think and you may be creative when playing with your child, but he/she will know even at a young age.

You hear alcohol being termed as "the beast", alcoholic thinking, etc. That's because the addictive brain is different from a normal one and the addictive part allows you to be sneaky, lie, delusional thinking, etc. Many here would have loved to have stopped the drinking cycle where you are right now, but the "brain" said we were okay, and we kept it up until things got progressively worse, and we all reached our own "bottom" It would be great if your joined us, but you need a personal committment from yourself.

I don't know if you get hangovers but many make a personal committment when they are feeling too hungover to get to work or be relied on. It's not easy in the beginning, but the magic does happen. Waking up feeling great, no fear of liver damage clear skin and eyes and when the fog clears embracing life on your terms.

I waited far too long to get off the vicious cycle and lost so much. We learn how to "surf the urge" for me it was just this afternoon and having a really bad day and seeing wine on the shelves. It is so worth it. After a period of being alcohol I ask myself why I was being destructive to myself, as many here do.

I hope we haven't scared you, it would be great if you could join us and enjoy life to the fullest, especially your child.

I didn' tmean for this to be so long, I'm just passionate about sobriety.

Good Luck

[K9Lover]

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Nuttmeg -
As "well" as you believe you are doing now, imagine how much better you could do alcohol free! Please keep us posted and let us know how your weekend went.
Sending you strength,
K9

[Nuttmeg]

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K9Lover;1285011 wrote: Nuttmeg -
As "well" as you believe you are doing now, imagine how much better you could do alcohol free! Please keep us posted and let us know how your weekend went.
Sending you strength,
K9

Thank you K9! I am trying to not get too upset, I am going to stick with my plan and try to get through the weekend AF. Last night, a usual bottle night, went by AF and I didn't go out at lunch to buy my secret bottle for before home nor the "single bottle" I usually drink at night. Small steps so far, but steps none the less. Plus, my plan has me going to visit my friends tomorrow, if I can stay occupied past 8 then that will keep my Saturday AF and Sunday. I know, plans don't always work, but I'm trying!

[Wagoneer]

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LibraryGirl;1284594 wrote:
I don't know when I will feel differently, or if this is something that I will battle the rest of my life. All I do know is that each time I resist, I never, ever wake up and wish I had drank AL.

This absolutely sums it up for me.

Nuttmeg - don't wait till you hit rock bottom. As others have said, it looks like drinking at work, making poor choices because of the AL, etc. I woudl say, is pretty damn near the bottom and if you can change your outlook before you lose everything, well, that will save you so much grief. I too am struggling. I went 11 months without drinking, then the bastard lured me back, and I took the bait. My choice. My poor choice, but my choice nonetheless. As someone said, try 30 days. Hell, try a week if that is all you want to do. Just TRY. You will not regret it. When you leave it go, and you truly, truly hit your rock bottom, THAT is when you will regret it. And you may do some irreversable damage to yourself or someone you love. Best of luck to you. It really is your choice. JMHO

[4myhealth41]

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Hi Nuttmeg,

I so badly wanted to "moderate" rather than quit. I couldn't fathom giving up my beer because I "loved" the feeling of being buzzed/drunk. I read a book titled, "Controlling Your Drinking: Tools to Make Moderation Work for You" by William R. Miller during the first few days without alcohol. I quickly realized that moderation wasn't going to work for me as I am an alcoholic (didn't think I was at the time). For me, it had to be an all or nothing approach and I chose abstinence and have never regretted that decision. I won't deny that it has been the hardest thing I've ever done ~ even harder than giving up cigarettes. I still get cravings once in awhile but they pass so quickly. Quitting is not easy and it really does get easier with every passing day but you have to really want it. And to ditto what the others have said, don't wait until you hit rock bottom with a DUI or worse. Give yourself a 30 day challenge and then reaccess how badly you want alcohol in your life. Your perspective on how glamorous alcohol is will change drastically during 30 days sober, trust me. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[LibraryGirl]

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Nuttmeg;1285038 wrote: Thank you K9! I am trying to not get too upset, I am going to stick with my plan and try to get through the weekend AF. Last night, a usual bottle night, went by AF and I didn't go out at lunch to buy my secret bottle for before home nor the "single bottle" I usually drink at night. Small steps so far, but steps none the less. Plus, my plan has me going to visit my sister in upstate NY tomorrow, if I can stay occupied past 8 then that will keep my Saturday AF and Sunday since CT is. Blue law state. I know, plans don't always work, but I'm trying!

You're doing great Nuttmeg!:goodjob: I'm so glad you posted again. Be honest with yourself and with us, and stay on the path that you want to follow. We can't tell you what to do, (although I will try, lol) but if you say you want to get AF, we'll give you all the support and advice you need.

I hope you enjoy your visit with your sister. Please let us know how your weekend went.:l

[drinkingal]

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nuttmeg I totally get where you are coming from. A year ago i was getting drunk every night of the week (up to 15 drinks a night), drinking earlier and earlier, and just going a day without alcohol was hell for me. I tried many times to give it up and just couldn't but now I can go a few days a week af and I drink no more than 4-5 drinks on drinking nights and I can't even imagine getting drunk like I used to every single night, although I know my alcohol tolerance has definitely dropped too so I don't feel like I need to drink that much either. I still have a long way to go but I know this was the best path for me to take and I think if I kept trying to quit I would still be in the same place as a year ago.

But it has taken work, and trying to moderate takes as much effort as going af but it has made a huge improvement in my life. I cringe when I think of the hangovers I used to wake up with, and when I think of myself stumbling around drunk etc. These days I can sit with one drink for an hour! Maybe it's because like you I hadn't quite hit bottom, or my heart wasn't really in it to quit but anything you do to improve your drinking is a great step IMO as long as you stick with it until you succeed. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but give it your all and stick to your plan.

[Nuttmeg]

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Thanks drinkingal, it's great to hear your story and that I am not crazy to be trying this path. I know I may not succeed, but it's worth A shot, and drinking less is better than drinking more!

And everybody else offering my support and advice, thank you so much! I was able to make it the whole weekend AF, a 4-5 bottle difference! Just looking at it like that, the money saved alone between Thursday and today, is shocking if I think about what that means in a year.

I feel good today, I didn't ask my hubby to NOT bring home wine tonight, he has no idea I drink so much nor that I am trying to cut back (I said I didn't feel well this past weekend). So tonight I will play it by ear, see how it goes. I just feel good about making it through the weekend without staggering to bed both nights as I usually do if I even made it off the couch, because there was never a guarantee that I would.

[Nuttmeg]

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Ok, well I made it about 10 days and only 1 bottle in that time as opposed to the 7-8 I would have has.

[LibraryGirl]

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I'm here Nutmeg. You want to chat for a few minutes?

[Nuttmeg]

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I do... But I jut realized the iPad won't open up that chat.

Im glad I'm not out drunk and humiliating myself, and I think I've done great cutting Dow.

[LibraryGirl]

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I used to initiate sometimes while drunk, but never got much satisfaction from it. Sober sex is much better!

Nuttmeg, on a serious note, you said you have cut down, and only had one bottle in the last ten days. However you have drank 2 bottles in one night, tonight. Does it seem like moderation is as difficult as some of the ppl here have suggested?

[Nuttmeg]

Well, here I go...

Thanks for the replies, library girl!