9 weeks and faltered...

[WastrelWallow]

Don't worry, 'tis not a permanent thing!

Haven't been out this year, but am going to someone's birthday do next week and KNOW I will be having a few social drinks. As I'd been totally abstinent for just over nine weeks, I decided to have a few drinks last night to 'test my tolerance', a bit of 'practice' for the birthday do next week.

After five cans of lager and a glass of wine, I was demotivated-type drunk, and sleepy, oh so sleepy. Woke up today with a terrible hangover, banging headache straight from the depths of Hades, seems my body just can't cope with toxins the way it once seemed able to, I dread to think what I might've felt like if I had put away what I was putting away when I was drinking every night.

Observations: did not really enjoy getting drunk, the 'buzz' was not really present, I felt more like I was slightly confused more than anything else. Not worth the hangover. Despite feeling a bit guilty, like I'm letting the side on here down, I'm sort of glad I got pissed because there is no way I can really rose-tint how underwhelming that situation last night actually felt, it was pretty inconsequential, in actuality.

[K9Lover]

9 weeks and faltered...

Hi WW -
So your test didn't turn out so well did it? I've had a few of those "tests" myself. Are you still planning on drinking at your upcoming event? The last time I decided to drink it was completely underwhelming (as you said)...the buzz wasn't what I thought I remembered, but the hangover was worse.

So what is your plan now?

[WastrelWallow]

9 weeks and faltered...

Gonna drink next week, though luckily the guy in question is in his early fifties and most of the guys there will be roughly 40 and over, so there won't be the temptation of getting proper caned with people of a similar age to me, maybe heading out on an all-nighter afterward. These guys can call it a day, plus we'll all be getting a train back, so once I'm done for the day, I won't be continuing to the point of getting totally wrecked.

I'll also be sticking to low percentage bitter rather than high percentage European beers, sincerely am not planning to get hammered, nor even want to. Think I'll also be drinking pints of Diet Coke inbetween, too.

As per going AF again, I most definitely will - I actually much prefer life without the crutch of fags n' booze, there is something really addictive about finally being good to one's body, and the multitudinous benefits that brings - in my case, SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP, glorious, natural SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!! :l:l:l

[JackieClaire]

9 weeks and faltered...

Hi WW,

While I fully understand the need to test the waters with alcohol in the early days, believe me I used to do it myself. I am however curious as to why the need to drink at this particular birthday party.

For me there was always a birthday, an anniversary or a celebration where I gave myself permission to have a few drinks but before I knew it I was celebrating the opening of an envelope.

[stirly-girly]

9 weeks and faltered...

Hi WW from me, too.

I have to go with what Jackie said - why bother to drink at all? Instead of talking yourself into drinking, why don't you talk yourself out of it instead. Read this a few times and ask yourself - will it really be worth it to give in for the birthday party when you could just as easily stick with the diet coke and still have a good time?

WastrelWallow;1283793 wrote: As per going AF again, I most definitely will - I actually much prefer life without the crutch of fags n' booze, there is something really addictive about finally being good to one's body, and the multitudinous benefits that brings - in my case, SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP, glorious, natural SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!!
I'd much prefer the above to this.........

WastrelWallow;1283793 wrote: After five cans of lager and a glass of wine, I was demotivated-type drunk, and sleepy, oh so sleepy. Woke up today with a terrible hangover, banging headache straight from the depths of Hades, seems my body just can't cope with toxins the way it once seemed able to.

[caper564]

9 weeks and faltered...

JackieClaire;1283816 wrote: Hi WW,

While I fully understand the need to test the waters with alcohol in the early days, believe me I used to do it myself. I am however curious as to why the need to drink at this particular birthday party.

For me there was always a birthday, an anniversary or a celebration where I gave myself permission to have a few drinks but before I knew it I was celebrating the opening of an envelope.

this is also what i was thinking as i read this post.. WHY do you feel the need to drink at all? can you go to the party and just have diet coke?
caper

[WastrelWallow]

9 weeks and faltered...

^Because I know it'll be more fun, and that is the uncomfortable truth of the matter.

[DriftyAlison0]

9 weeks and faltered...

WastrelWallow;1283907 wrote: ^Because I know it'll be more fun, and that is the uncomfortable truth of the matter.

Whats more fun when your falling off the wagon? You will hate yourself in the morning when your hungover. And who knows what you will do drunk that you will regret. Getting drunk to me is no longer fun, and you know it. So how is it fun? It will be better for you if you admit to yourself that you can't drink and then go out and not drink. You can be the DD for the night.

I have been to birthday parties and including my own birthday party (which was 2 parties and 1 after party) and I stayed sober. It has been said before. There will be more birthday parties, and other special occasions, and will you drink in all of them? Let this time be the LAST time that you drink. I have done that to. When I started to drink, I said only special occasions, that did not stay that way for long.

But at least you have a plan. I would rather just drink the diet coke (or Pepsi in my case)/

[LibraryGirl]

9 weeks and faltered...

I get what you're saying about thinking it would be more FUN with AL. I am still struggling with this, in fact. I am 28 days AF, and so far so good, but when I think about going on a vacation, or just spending time with friends this summer it seems so dull to imagine it without AL.

However, I think if I can't enjoy socializing without AL, at this time in my sobriety, it might be best for ME to just not socialize.

[JackieClaire]

9 weeks and faltered...

WastrelWallow;1283907 wrote: ^Because I know it'll be more fun, and that is the uncomfortable truth of the matter.
You've come such a long way since you're first post that I just can't help but think that you may be bowing to peer pressure or that old one but good one that we can't enjoy ourselves when sober. I'll admit I loathed and hated the thought of going anywhere the first few months AF but once I'd got there and settled I enjoyed myself. Admittedly a good plan there but will the constant keeping an eye on the drinks not put a bit of a damper on things.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ble-53393.html


LibraryGirl;1283925 wrote:
However, I think if I can't enjoy socializing without AL, at this time in my sobriety, it might be best for ME to just not socialize.

Have to say good move LG. Baby steps.

[madmans]

9 weeks and faltered...

WastrelWallow;1283907 wrote: ^Because I know it'll be more fun, and that is the uncomfortable truth of the matter.

Everone here felt that way once, other wise we wouldn't have drank in the first place but to get sober and stay sober this type of mind set has to go out the window for good and not just the few hours after waking up after a bender until we can get a cure down our mouths.

I dont think you fully believe you have a problem with AL, maybe you still think you can control it , i know for a long time i was like this.

I hope you dont waste years waiting and hoping to get sober , your drinking will get worse until you wake up one day remembering this thread you started and regretting all the mistakes and wasted days you had since.

We can all hope you get sober and help by offering advice but at the end of the day only you can decide , if you need to be convinced that been sober is no fun then i don't think there is anything anyone can say atm to help that also has to come from within.

[one2many]

9 weeks and faltered...

After five cans of lager and a glass of wine, I was demotivated-type drunk, and sleepy, oh so sleepy. Woke up today with a terrible hangover, banging headache straight from the depths of Hades, seems my body just can't cope with toxins the way it once seemed able to, I dread to think what I might've felt like if I had put away what I was putting away when I was drinking every night.

Sounds like GREAT fun!

[Wagoneer]

9 weeks and faltered...

I fell off the wagon and I have to say that like you said in your post, when you go back to drinking after a long stint of NOT drinking, the buzz is NOT the same...it DOES feel only like fuzziness and confusion. NOT GREAT FUN. Funny thing about me....these past few months of trying to moderate, I would NEVER drink in public and would have a great time at parties, gatherings, whatever. I woudl drink only at home. What the hell? I need to take my own advice and look back on my own experience that being sober for me is MUCH better than being tipsy. The no hangover thing is just one of the huge bonuses of not drinking. Instead of planning TO drink, why not plan NOT to drink and see how that works? Just my two cents cause I have been there too.

[FlyAway]

9 weeks and faltered...

WastrelWallow;1283759 wrote: Don't worry, 'tis not a permanent thing!
.

That's what you think.

[WastrelWallow]

9 weeks and faltered...

^Erm...right. Have I stumbled into the SoberRecovery forums by mistake?

I think there's a bit of an "all or nothing" type mindset at work here, you can all consider me a fool or whatever for thinking that I might possibly be able to go for one wee session without falling back into the booze trap but that's a risk I'm willing to take, and if I end up with alcohol-infused egg on my face, then I have only myself to blame.

I am not a member of AA, I do not seek a belief/control structure like that, I am not religious, nor is my ultimate goal total sobriety forevaaaaah. My main goal was to quit drinking every night after six years on booze, and I have achieved that aim...don't forget I've just gone nine full weeks without AL after six years on the stuff - hear that tapping noise? That's me patting my own back!

Rather than offer me "I told you so!" type advice, instead see my posts as more of a blog, maybe the blog of an in-denial alcoholic idiot who'll never be "whole" until he's entirely AF for the rest of his life, you can see me how you like, I'm OK with that. I can guarantee that fire n' brimstone-type stuff doesn't work with me. We are all different people, not all of us seek to replace one addiction for another (in this case, sobriety).

Who knows, maybe next week will be the genesis of my eventual decline into chronic alcoholism, although I somehow very strongly doubt it. What is essentially 'a few beers' has seemingly turned into some kind of holy war...!

Wish me luck or wish me damnation!