depression

[Bebop]

Hello brave souls
I've been reading the posts for awhile now and have to admit this is my second post. ( I posted a receipt for all one powder) but this is my first .."Hello this is me I need help" post.
I've been AF for 3 weeks and 4 days, My goal is 3 months. I have not taken any meds because one of the reasons I want to quite drinking is to get my brain back. Topa sounds like it would make my memory worse. I do however have a perscription waiting in the wings.
My reasons to quit are as follows 1) to get my brain back , my memory is very bad and getting worse
2) to lose wieght
3) to feel desire and passion for lifeI have been drinking at least a bottle of wine a day for 20 years. I've always been controlled, Iwould never drink and drive, I never drank enough to be out of control.. I would switch to water if I started to feel drunk. I never passed out or had a black out...BUT ... I did feel Numb...not high ...not really low (although always more depressed than happy). Every night at 5 oclock I would open a bottle and drink till I went to bed sometimes that meant 2 bottles of wine always at least one.
I'm 52 now, and as I look back.. I've always had depression in my life, but at least I had some excitement and desire. and passion for things. Now I have none. Antidepressants are a nightmare for me and my body tends to reject almost all vitamins and drugs (except wine). So I have to find natural ways (No good ones yet) to help myself. I quite smoking 10 years ago (a two pack a day habit that lasted about 30 years) and that was I think the worst and the best thing I ever did. It changed my whole personality..and my body..
I gained 40 lbs. For years after I quit all I wanted to do was feel "normal" again. Never quit made it back.
I have a theory about this.... I believe that my body and personality were developed with the drug in my brain ( I started smoking when I was twelve) and with out the drug nicotine I was kind of lost..my brain had to develop new channels and thought processes and reactions..ok ok...enough about smoking... back to drinking or the lack of..
So now all I feel is depressed... I guess that's something. I haven't lost wieght (you'd think after cutting out all that wine I'd start to lose) and I feel like hell... I've read that it takes two months for your liver to detox...I'll hold on till then but I'd really like to see some kind of light.....
does anyone have one?bebop

[betty boop]

depression

Hi Bebop & :welcome:

Firstly well done for your 3 weeks and 4 days AF that is an excellent achievement.

Lilke you my desire for life went when i was drinking everyday, I only managed 17 days AF and even then only had 2 small glasses of wine, I'm now only drinking at weekends and not till after 7pm.

Whilst this is still not perfect, I have so much more life and energy.

Hang on in there, It will get better,

Love & Hugs,

[Accountable for Me]

depression

Welcome bebop! Try not to get too depressed. You are on a much healthier road in life now. That should be commended! You should be proud about the quitting smoking and drinking!!! You are doing your body such good.

I have been off the sauce for 34 days now. I have only noticed about a 3 pound loss.

Just try to mix up your routine a bit. Like going out for a walk around the block is a simple way to wake up your body and your metabolism. It will also help you with depression. I know, because I have suffered depression my whole life. I find if I get some fresh air and a bit of exercise during the day, it makes a huge difference in my mood.

Keep hanging in there. Nothing comes easy in life. Everything will fall into place eventually. Just be proud for your great start with your AF days, and your not smoking! Good job!!!!

[Changeling]

depression

Welcome Bepop

Sounds like you have been doing a lot of soul searching, hope we can help you here.

Sorry to admit that there are no quick fixes, I used to think that if I could quit drinking everything else in my life would miraculously improve, unfortuantely that did not happen.

What did happen however, is that I have clarity of mind, focus & balance which help me to deal with life in a much more positive manner. I am excited to be at a new stage in life where anything is possible for me.

The depression you are feeling is understandable, you are changing a lot in your life and that is never easy.
One of the most important things is learning to forgive yourself, learning to like yourself again.

Keep posting & reading here where you will find so much experience and support.
Best wishes on your journey
Changeling

[changing]

depression

HI....I can really relate to the posts here in this thread I am one month and two days AF now. Like you bebop I am not on the programme. I am doing it my own way for now and know that it exists if I need it. I can understand the rationale but can only take one step at a time with this. First no alcohol and I come in here for support in the evenings which is really helping. I did not know it takes so long for the liver to detox but it explains a lot. I am a professional drinker of wine with food of course and keeping it a secret most of my life and I am a total beginner at being alcohol free. I agree with you accountable about the exercise and fresh air and well done on your 34 days. I am one day behind you! Well done Paula too for managing things so well and you were right it does get better.... I agree with you changling too in much of what you say. The most obvious change I notice is that without alcohol in my system my mind is clear and that is a fantastic and new feeling. I dont feel numb anymore....I am sleeping better too....

Keep posting bebop and thanks as your post helped me say a few things too...I am very new too to all this.....and there is a lot of living and feeling alive ahead. Dont worry too much about the weight for now...one thing at a time....

Best wishes to all....


'changing with support and beginning to believe'

[Bebop]

depression

heart on my sleeve

What a wonderful feeling (hey ..not numb), to put your heart on your sleeve and then have people respond in such a kind caring way. Thank you so much for posting a response.. All of you. All day I have thought about what I posted and thought maybe no one would read it, maybe no one would respond.. When I saw all the responses I was overwhelmed. I guess feeling alone with this drinking problem is causing part of the depression. I will hold on for awhile longer

bebop

[Diana]

depression

Hi Bebop,
Your story and mine sound very similiar. I am now 33 days AF and the difference is amazing. I loved my wine, beer, scotch, gin and port but it all got out of hand many years ago. I hope in time to moderate but am not in a hurry. I also suffer with long term depression but have only taken any form of medication the last 4 years. One doctor told me to take the medication even if it made me feel like shit and believe you me it did and I couldn't take it. Then I suffered a series of panic anxiety attacks at work which happened to be a hospital of which I was the Director of Nursing. Thank God our dear little doctor took the time to get me on the right medication and I have been going along OK on it. Anyway, I got to the point of my drinking where it was affecting not only me but others near and dear to me.
I am nearly 59 years old now and retired and for the first time enjoying my retirement. Keep up the good work and stay on this site. It has been a life saver for me and while I have been posting often I am happy to read and relate to other people's stories.

As for the light, one thing at a time and just being sober each day is the light. It will get brighter as you go along. Hope you have a sympathetic doctor.

Love, best wishes and prayers
Diana