Need Guidance

[LostButFound]

Another hungover Sunday for me. Flirting with moderation doesn't seem to be working and going AF is probably the solution to this problem.

I know many of you have posted your stories, etc.
Here is some things I need to know or read:
How many times did it take to say "I need to quit (or cut back)" till you finally did?

I think I'm inching closer - very slowly.
I'm too old to keep doing this to myself; too ashamed of myself when I do keep doing this yet happy I've found this site - and you wonderful people - because it gives me hope that I'll actually stick to my goal.

I wanted to go mod but so far no luck.
Finally I told my bf today that I think I'm actually getting an allergy to alcohol (true) cuz I get this weird dizziness when I even have one drink. He used to drink a lot and stopped due to an ulcer. I hate to admit it but I'm glad cuz that way if he isn't drinking I'm not drinking - but he wasn't with me the last 2 Sat nights and here I am - hungover.

I need guidance and strength.
Tell me some of what helped you and what you did those first days of realization and decision making!

[mama bear]

Need Guidance

I have been here for awhile and have not acheived total AF-ness....but I can tell you I am in a much better place than I was when I joined. 12 beers a night are a thing of the past. I have made some life long close friends and I cherish MWO for that....
don't stop stopping....that's when we die
Welcome to the Family!!

[Willow23]

Need Guidance

Let's see ... I joined here in November and I just came to the realisation a week ago that AL just isn't an option for me. So 4 months for me. I can't 'properly' mod - I did manage bigger gaps in between drinking ie 5 day breaks instead of 2-3 day breaks but I was still drinking 2 bottles of wine when I did drink. Last Sunday I got absolutely trashed in front of my kids so that's why I've finally got my proper 'quit' now - that for me was my personal rock bottom, it was totally unacceptable and it can never happen again.

Keep at it - one day you'll get there. I admit that I used to feel so ashamed posting here only a few weeks ago as everyone else seemed to be getting along fine. I felt I'd failed in some way, nor was I completely ready to make that commitment and say I'd never drink again. Hell, I like a drink, I couldn't imagine EVER not wanting it! Last week though something changed in me and it's like my brain has just clicked. You'll get there - no-one can say how or when, only you'll decide that and only when you're completely ready to. We can of course share our experiences but everyone's different I guess!

[Willow23]

Need Guidance

Also have you read the Jason Vale book? It's awesome, I'm halfway through and loving it. Makes total sense and is really helping me.

[LostButFound]

Need Guidance

Hi MB and Willow
Thank you SO much for the wonderful words. I'm sure you can but I want to say "you can't imagine how comforting it is".
I'm hoping that coming here more often, not just when hungover, will be a great deal of support that I need.
I haven't yet read the Vale book but I'm going to either order it or look it up at the library today. I think it's very difficult to confront this type of topic and face it.

I've compiled a list about how I'm feeling which I'd like to share:
Reason to go AF (these are in order of importance to me)
Driving. It's wreckless, dangerous and just plain stupid.
Hangover. It's a total waste of time. I have missed holidays, work and weekends.
Feelings. I'm remorseful, embarassed and filled with shame and regret.
Black outs. I don't need to add anything here.
Relationships. I have marred a few relationships with drunk behavior.
Addiction. I want to be stronger than that. I also want to face that that is what it is.
Health. The day after drinking I pop headache medication, xanax and Malox in order to feel better that can't be healthy, either.
Trust. In myself - more times than not lately when I go out to drink socially I drink waaay too much. I set my drink number at 3 but by 3 it turns into 5 then 7.
Lies. I have lied to people many times when hungover that it's really just a headache, or I think I have the flu or something.
Behavior. I feel justified for being flirty or doing things normally I wouldn't do when sober. I lose a bit of my boundaries.
Excuses. I use getting plowed as an excuse and escape due to stress.

Things I fear about quitting
Trust. Somehow I still have some kind of trust that I will only stop at a few
Socialbility. Will I seem like a loser to friends if I don't drink? Will I not enjoy myself as much out without drinking? (I mean out to dinner, etc)
Embarassment. What will I tell people? I can't limit myself? I'm not mature enough to control myself?
Buzz. I will miss the buzz; the escape.
Stigma. I was brought up in a culture where drinking is deemed cool.
Work. I don't want to have to put work into yet another thing in my life.
Rewards
EVERYTHING! I truly have nothing to lose!

If anyone would like to add to this list that's be great.
Thank you!!

[Willow23]

Need Guidance

Oh hon. I really think the Jason Vale book will help, it just explains everything so much and so well. I read at least 3 chapters a day and I find myself nodding along most times. As for your list - hey, you're preaching to the choir lol! I don't drive so I've never had that to worry about but everything else I can pretty much identify with. I'm a stay at home mum now but in the past when I worked I've lied cos I've been too hungover to work. I know the shame and embarrassment either at the time of drinking cos of doing something stupid or the morning after. The money and time I've wasted over the years, not to mention my health ....

You're not alone at all!

[Willow23]

Need Guidance

Oh yeah, the embarrassment of telling people I no longer drink. My reason is that I joined the gym this year and I don't want to undo my hard work by throwing poison down my throat. Maybe one day I'll come out and tell everyone the whole truth but right now, it's not really anyone's business why. My husband and my best friend know I've totally quit, that's it. I'm not about to make some huge announcement over it, not because I think I'll fail and I'll look stupid - I don't believe that at all. I really just think its got nothing to do with anyone else.

[LostButFound]

Need Guidance

Willow- wow - I really am not alone as everything you say is like me, too.

I think what I can try is maybe take the Topamax my doc wants me to take for my headaches; that can be my 'excuse' to not drink. "I can't have a drink cuz I'm on new head-meds". That way I won't suffer the embarassment if I fail, too.

When I gave up meat over 20 years ago I told myself (and everyone else) it doesn't have to be forever. It was just easier than making that final decision. All I can do is do my best.

I'm going to order the book right now.

[LibraryGirl]

Need Guidance

LBF, this is my first post on MWO, and my first real attempt at quitting (I had flirted with the idea for a long time, but would never admit to anyone or myself that I had a problem):

Hello to all. I am sitting here with a hellacious hangover, skipped work and am reaching out for help for the first time. I have toyed with the notion of quitting for quite some time now, and the bad has far exceeded the good with alcohol...so, here I am raw and scared and maybe hopeful?

Thanks for listening to my post. I am crying as I write this, because it has taken me so long to admit I have a (HUGE) problem.

Hope to talk with all of you and hear your stories, as I share some of my own.

That was 32 days ago, and I haven't had a drink since. It took me I guess about 30 years to quit, because I was drinking almost every weekend by age 18, and I'm almost 48 (April 1st). So far I'm liking my life much better.

[LostButFound]

Need Guidance

LG
That is inspiring especially cuz you are new at it and can understand exactly how I'm feeling.
I've gone back and forth throughout the years with drinking. I didn't drink a lot for most of my 20s but it seems the older I get the less amount of self-control I have.

I agree - the bad far outweighs the good. The good is available for people who can stay within limits and boundaries.

Look forward to keeping more involved on this site.

LBF