bruised n broken

[Guitarista]

bruised n broken

Hang in there Okkslady,

Sending you some :l:l:l

Use your anger and frustration as an energy to get you off the booze.

Best wishes on your journey. You can do it.

G-bloke.

[been-there-done-it]

bruised n broken

I'm right beside you!

Dear Okkslady,

Nope, you are NOT alone. I'm right there with you, in the same boat! Today is day 4 and a half with my new friend Sober. That is HUGE for me!!!!!! HUGE!!!!! I wanted a drink so very badly yesterday I could barely stand it. (OK, I always want a drink! But yesterday was the WORST!) I opened capsules of my L-Glutamine and poured the powder in my mouth! It worked but darn, I hope this gets easier. I can only tell you, there is no bigger drunken dork than me...so...here we are. Al is a stalker, but I know we can kick him to the curb. Your journey has begun and you are among many friends. :welcome:

[mama bear]

bruised n broken

yes it is time sweetie and we will help you any way we can

[been-there-done-it]

bruised n broken

Oh My!

Dear Okkslady--

I didn't see the additional posts until I posted my reply. I didn't realize that you may have lost a friend and don't really know what happened. K9 Lover is very wise. She is providing very good advice. Take care and I hope you are feeling better today. Give your son a big hug.

Been-there

[K9Lover]

bruised n broken

Beenthere -
How are you doing today? I know you had a hard time yesterday, but you pulled through! Every time I've even considered going back to drinking (which still happens, unfortunately), I just think about those first few days where I felt like crawling out of my skin. Please believe me that it does get easier as time passes. Scream out loud if you have to, just don't give in... What can you do tonight to pass the time?

[okkslady]

bruised n broken

support appreciated

Thanks everyone for posting support. I am on my way to my parents house where this whole ordeal happened. I am embarrassed to see my father even at my age especially after what I have done. I think it will be good to go see them and get things back to normal. I havent felt like doing much since sunday but I put on make up and some real clothes versus sweat pants m baggy t-shirt. I always think I can go have drinks and have control. I RARELY do. there have been times I went out and everything is in control but those times are just miracles. I am dreading having to face the people I disappointed on Sunday. ugh I am a mess.

[K9Lover]

bruised n broken

Hi Okks,
How did it go at your parents house? I've been thinking about you! :h
K9

[Today]

bruised n broken

You are definitely not the only one who has messed up relationships because of AL. I've left a trail of friends/lovers I was too embarrassed to see again. The only left are family and a few close friends. You are very brave to come here and work on kicking AL from your life, sending hugs!

[okkslady]

bruised n broken

Thanks "Today". Yep family is all I really have it seems...hi K9, I felt so embarrassed to see my dad but he was the same ol dad n didn't really mention what happened. My mom brought it up but I asked if we could not talk about it. I dunno if this was wrong or right but I feel tired. I felt safe taking a nap on their couch I felt comfort. I always think these are the people who are there for me. I always want to get away from my family and go drink n party with people who you think are your friends but really they aren't. If I were to get hurt that night my family would suffer n be sad not the people I run to party with. My priorities are all out of whack.. I always feel my family is stressing me and I need to get away for a night...i said before I justify and say "I deserve a drink" but really its just ADDICTION pulling me back in. This post is all over the place I know just having late night thoughts..

[K9Lover]

bruised n broken

How are you doing Okks? I'm thinking about you.

[AGUYFROMNC]

bruised n broken

Okks, Dont feel too bad, I have had some similiar situations when I was drunk and at my age I still feel comfort at my Moms and Dads, I ve done stupid stupid things while drinking, LIke its been mentioned think of the those days that what I think when the cravings kick in, I always am embarrased for days after and wont drink , my parents bring it up since if they think I am drinking, its like a reminder.... I know most people just have blackouts and dont rembmer what they did, its happened to me so many times, but now being back AF feels much better than waking up and dealing with a hangover.....

[K9Lover]

bruised n broken

Hi Okks,
I hope you post soon...I've been thinking about you and hope you're ok!
:h
K9

[LostButFound]

bruised n broken

OK~
You are among friends.
I've been that route without realizing till recently it's best to get a grip. I'm 47.
All the cliche's are true; if you think you have a problem you do. The first step of helping yourself is making the realization is that you have a problem and need help. One day at a time. These are all so true.
You are beating yourself up and I have done that hundreds of times, literally. As hard as it is you have to distance yourself from the hurt and pain and try to fill that awful feeling with some hope and determination.
I'm only 14 days AF, and who knows if I'll remain, but this is how I'm handling it - so fresh and new, too.
Check in here daily - write about progress or set backs. Get rid of the alcohol in your home, little steps.
Best of luck!
LBF

[K9Lover]

bruised n broken

Hi Okks,
Just checking in to see how you are. Please let us know what's going on with you!
:h
K9

[nancy]

bruised n broken

an ordeal

Hello,

You don't know that your friend isn't talking to you right? You are assuming?
I would give that friend some time.

What you describe is horrible but because the experience is horrible doesn't mean you yourself are horrible. You have a problem that you need to address and no doubt the causes are deep-rooted.

I suggest as a starting point you think about harm reduction, which I know is controversial but can help. A good book is How To Change Your Drinking by Ken Anderson. You mentioned a lot of booze in a short time and I am guessing shots? Some of the things they talk about in the book is the worst type of alcohol. The faster you raise your BAC the more likely you are to black out and some types of booze are consumed faster than others.

This is just a starting point but can help.

Have compassion for yourself but look at all the options. First off, I hope you have an empathetic therapist. Second, reduce harm until you can abstain. Consider the options on this site. In Monthly Abstinence you can learn about the AA approach. In the medication section you can learn about a big array of drugs that you can order online. Holistic has guidance on lifestyle and mood/depression/supplements. Long-term abstainers has some nice success stories.

This was a horrible time but can be a learning experience. Sounds like your parents don't really understand so I hope you just grow in your own understanding.