A little worried

[Honeysoup]

Today was Day 3 and its 3:43pm...I get off work at 4:30 and I am really tempted again...I keep fighting it in my head...reading these posts...it's Friday...I want to run to the grocery store after picking up my DD and head home with my DH and DS. I can feel my hands and they are clammy...I HATE this why can't I just forget about AL? Why does it control my life? How do I get through this when this is all I LOVE to do? I am fighting my head right now thinking...I can just drink in moderation....just get a small bottle...only drink on the weekends and leave the AF days to Sunday - Thursday and go to the gym those days...what can it hurt? I just want to SCREAM!!!!:wahh:

[red67]

A little worried

Hi Honeysoup, you know the problem is we cant just have a little. Right now just concentrate on getting home without stopping at the liquor store. Try to distract yourself if anyway possible. Trust me you will wake up grateful you did not drink. No hangover to start the weekend. Wont that feel great?

Have you read the tool box? I dont know how to post the link but someone will come along that does. When you get home read as much as you can here. It really does help.

Sending you strength .... you can do this!

[K9Lover]

A little worried

Hi Honey!
Oh boy do I understand what you're going through. Day 3 AND the first weekend...not easy. You CAN do if you have a plan, stay BUSY tonight. Rent movies and take a hot bath. Read a book. Go to bed early. Just get through the night and see how you feel on Saturday morning with NO hangover. I tried many times to only drink Fri & Sat nights...guess what? Didn't work. I failed within the first week and was back to daily drinking. I know that I can't drink at all...one day will lead to every day. What you're experiencing is the Beast trying to tell you that "you're not that bad". Cravings never killed anybody, so ride it out. Keep checking in and let us know how you are!! :h
K9

[sugarbeat]

A little worried

Honeysoup, not so long ago one of my buddies on the monthly abstinence thread was having those beastly thoughts as we call them and below is how I desribed how alco had 2 ways of tricking me, you are being tricked by the addiction at this moment, recognise that, see it for what it is and you're half way there,

sugarbeat;1283702 wrote:
The arrival of the beast or the hag is so sneeky, there are 2 senarios that can occur for me, I can either overwhelm myself with memories of the past (project that into the future) and drown myself with insecure feelings about myself (all very irrational) or it could be the complete opposite, I'll lose the memory of all that has happened and think in the moment that I'm ok again, its so bizarrre, and which ever way it arrives it can lead me down that dark path again where everything inevitably gets worse.

Hang in there you and we'e all here for you

[LibraryGirl]

A little worried

Hi Honey. I had a lot of the same feelings today. I kept thinking, I am NOT that bad. I can drink tonight and tomorrow night. I don't have to go back to drinking every day... I still haven't faced the fact that I can't moderate, because I've never tried. I am trusting that it is true, based on member's experiences here.

I went to the grocery store after work, and I had to literally turn my head away from the beer aisle as I passed it, even though I rarely ever bought beer when I was drinking.:H I made it through without much stress though, and I'm home and AF.

LG

[Willow23]

A little worried

Hope you're ok Honey and you made it through. It takes a long time to change this habit - and we're so used to just giving in to it, it's not going to happen quickly. Hell, you saw me yesterday getting worked up and I'm on day 13 today! Just remember how proud you've been of yourself like your signature says and how much better you feel. Lots of people here say "the buzz never lasts as long as the hangover" which is totally true. Yeah, I can get good and loaded for 6 hours, but my hangover would last at least 12 hours and that's just the physical repercussions. The mental/ emotional ones go on for days for me.

Someone said yesterday (maybe Lav in the Nest?) that if it was always this bad, no-one would ever manage to quit. It will get better, it just takes some work to get there.

As for moderating - like many others I've tried and it's no good. I can have a gap in between like 5 days but then I drink 2 bottles. Not exactly moderate drinking LOL! It's a waste of my time, money and health.

Keep on going!

[Nelz]

A little worried

Three days is a GREAT start, but FAR from being away from the clutches of cravings.

After about 11 months of being AF, just the mention on the radio today of drinking whiskey on a patio with the wind blowin..........was making me salivate like Pavlov was ringing a bell.

I cant imagine for the life of me, cravings ever going away "completely". But, it was much easier to dismiss the urge today, than it would have been when I first started. All the others are correct, it will get easier........I promise you, just keep hanging in there :goodjob:

[Lavande]

A little worried

Honey,
Hope you were able to dismiss the drinking thoughts last night!

This is a very important part of success - dismissing those thoughts, there is no need to act on them if you want to reach your goals. You can do it, we all can

[Wagoneer]

A little worried

Hi Honey - Been thinking about you after reading your post. God I know what you are going through. I was 11 months sober and started trying to moderate...failed. Nothing horrible, but the thoughts were strong...driving by the state store and justifying why it would be totally ok to just get one small bottle of wine. Such bullshit. I am on day four and I can tell you, once you go a stretch sober and you backlide, getting back to being sober is freakin hard and NOT worth the slip. I am staying close here because the support is incredible. Sending strong and happy thoughts your way.

[Honeysoup]

A little worried

Good Morning my friends!...Here's what happened...I picked up my DD and DS and took my DS to Game Stop as promised...then off to the grocery store....picked up some grocery's went to the liqueur isle and decided I wouldn't get wine because I would drink it all...then looked for my favorite Margareta mix...it wasn't there...I struggled staring at everything and out of rage and urge I bought the other kind instead...even as I was walking away I was thinking...Girl you are so dumb...someone is trying to help you and you still gave in...what a dumb***! Still I checked out and went home...I just ignored it...most of the night and it was just staring at me...why did I do this to myself...I made my favorite spicy chili and some cheese dip...still ignoring the bottle then I went to the place where I asked my DH to hide the rest of the liqueur found it and pulled it out...brought it to the kitchen and set it on the counter...I just starred at it...finally after an hour...I gave in...poured a glass and sipped on it for about an hour...The whole time I was thinking you don't even need this why are you drinking this...Its not even that good...so I drank most of it and poured it out...I was so pissed at myself the whole time...why why why??? did I do that...what an idiot! You ruined everything! Then I woke up this morning still mad at myself but thought..It could have been worse...you could have drank all of it...I still feel great this morning...so I am writing this thinking...do I just pour the rest of the AL out or wait until I have another impulsive moment and drink one to satisfy myself and then dissapoint myself. OH HOW I HATE AL!!!!

I hope all of you had a great Friday and are staying strong!!! Thanks for thinking of me and I am so sorry to disappoint

[SAUSAGE]

A little worried

Oh Honey, so sorry to read this but thanks for being honest and checking in here. It's very early days for you yet, most of us have several false starts, but my advice would be pour the rest away so you've wasted your money on it, and start afresh today. My grandad did this when quitting cigarettes successfully - actually gave away his last few packets once he'd made the decision to quit.
Keep going, you can re read your last post if ever you feel tempted to drink again, it will help.
Sausage x
Day 37

[Willow23]

A little worried

Sausage is right, I don't think anyone 'gets' it first attempt. I know I didn't! Just jump back on, you've done well to come straight back Honey!

[hidden_gem]

A little worried

I agree with the others, it is so fantastic that you have jumped straight back on when it would have been so easy to slip back.

I do agree about pouring it away. I read a great post someone wrote recently about the number of decisions that are involved in taking a drink in the first place (Apologies I can't remember who wrote it!) but if you don't have that alcohol sitting there, it would take you much more effort to go out and get some, line up, pay for it etc etc whereas if it's right there, there is only your willpower between you and that drink.

Alcohol's so clever... Once you actually start to feel better, it makes you think, "I can handle it, just one, or two, I can stop."

This makes you forget that it's actually BECAUSE you are not drinking that you're starting to feel better. All the good things that are happening for me now, the improvements to my self-esteem etc are because I have stopped drinking. I must never forget that.

Big hugs and love to you
Gem

[Honeysoup]

A little worried

Thank you all for the encouragement...I have to admit I didn't do well at all...I feel ashamed but I can't beat myself up forever...Day 1 again...I just have to keep trying!!

[K9Lover]

A little worried

Hi Honey!
I can't tell you how many day 1's I've had...more than I can remember. I agree with the others though, pour the rest of the AL out, you don't need it. You said that the alcohol didn't even taste that good to you, I think that's because your brain is starting to change...don't give up. Start over again and stay strong!
K9