April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

[LillyE]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

It's the start of the long weekend here and the bottle shop is calling me. A bottle of wine... though I'd just drink it all on my own and probably feel crap and maudlin. And even though it's a long weekend it'd be better if I got a good night's sleep, got up, went to the gym, and got some writing done tomorrow, which won't happen if I booze it up tonight.

Feeling odd I don't have plans to be out tonight - maybe people haven't invited me out as they know I'm not drinking - as I normally would but they'd all involve boozing anyway. Feeling lonely and restless.

Sorry for the free form rambling. Just reaching out. I'm going to go try and refocus, read some books and magazines on the sofa, drink my ol' soda water and lime. Make some dinner. Maybe watch a DVD.

Was telling myself earlier that I needn't look at it as this big deprivation/struggle. I'm choosing to take a month off for a host of good reasons. If I want it booze will always be there thereafter.

But why does it feel so hard? I find Friday nights always a trigger - that end of work week release - and the long weekend even more so. I guess as it is often an excuse for an extra huge night out for many people, not just us 'problem drinkers'.

How you all doing? Talk to me

L x

[Over It!]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

I hear ya LilleE

And I feel your pain. The weekends, especially the long ones when our friends are all in "party mode" are often the hardest.

:upset:

I keep telling myself that I know that I will wake up feeling great tomorrow and because the weather is so great here at the moment, I cant wait to get outside and work on my garden. May even go for a walk-have been threatening to do some exercise for about a year now. Ha Ha.

Its difficult when you are on your own and to feel maudlin is easy but can you try to replace that with reading your fave book? Putting on your fave music REALLY LOUD!!

What about cooking your fave food--yummy!

Or indulge in a nice luxurious bath with lots of bubbles .:yay:

Whatever it is that you decide to do, remember the decision that you made to give all this crap away and start having more joy in your life. Less shame, less worry, less guilt, less of all the negatives and more self esteem.

You have given lots of good, sound advice to others in this situation before, myself included, and you need to know that it DID make a difference, so thankyou. :l

Hang in there Buddy, you know that can and that you want to do this and also that you must at least give it a decent try.

lease:


Good Luck! :h

[Sugartree]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Good morning! Today is Thursday, April 5, 2012, and starting day 4 of no drinking wine. I had a 3 to 4 glass Chardonnay a night habit for 25 years with the exception of 2 pregnancies and a 3 week break 5 years ago. This winter I increased to a bottle and a half a night. I live alone and winters in New Hampshire are tough when there is no daylight after 5:00PM.

I am a 58 year old female and live alone.

My main reason to quit is to shake 10 pounds. Makes no sense to eat clean, go to the gym 4 to 5 days a week, and drink 500 to 750 calories in the evening!

Day #1 was TOUGH, I kept busy, cleaned my house, laundry, etc. Found myself taking it hour by hour. "Just 3 more hours until bedtime. Just 2 more hours until bedtime...."
Day #2 was easier, still kept busy, felt fine, tired from poor sleep.
Day #3 felt great for the morning workout, nice to not feel fuzzy at the gym
Day #4 Here I am!

Sugartree

[Prairie Fairy]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Oh - I am joining everyone on this is a tough weekend thread.

Long holiday weekend here as well. Up at the SO's, spring here, he has a spot in a lovely part of God's country where it is easy to grab a bottle, listen to nature, grab a book, and ignore the world go by. It's numbing and ignore x 10. I am on my own today and tomorrow during the day and normally I would hit my wine stash here by 4 and be napping by 7 pm - leading to the deadly distance.

I know that's what he expects tonight. I am determined not to do it. But habit and the beast are calling my name. I haven't fully flushed from my system yet - so some of it still is physiological.

I think I am going to get moving after the caffeine kicks in - I actually allowed myself the luxury of sleeping every last minute my body wanted for a change. HOLY SHYTE. What have I done to this sorry ole' thing. I slept ?14? hours. I think I will do the sleep of the dead tomorrow as all to see if it hastens the process of healing. If nothing else - it shortens the amount of time I am awake to crave AL while there is no one to distract me.

I have massive muscle ache and fatigue today. Part of that is I have been in truly hard core work out classes every day this week, part is detoxing from 1 - 2 bottles a night depending on the shit storm of a day. I'll be upping the Taurine/Inositol/Magnesium combo for the next week to get through it - that helps with that and it's short term. It also helps with the anxiety. I am getting best results between meals but YMMV.

For those of you willing to go WAY far out on a limb - a perfume/phero company in the States just released a new Pheromone meant for relaxing PMS and generally relaxing anxiety/perking you up. It's unisex as the anti anxiety/perk you up is non-sex specific phero's. I know - there are wide spread opinions on whether they work or not - and a group of people are very vocal they don't. Personally - some so for me and some don't. Those that don't I trade. Those that do - I keep. I got this one on the off chance it would help the 1st 30 days. Won't lie at all - in has 'nones - so it REEKS for the first 20 minutes until it dries to skin. Get it in spray if you want to try it as better diffusion in the air to make YOU happy. And spray your own favorite perfume first because this can't go plain- even after dry down.

It's at LPMP - google it. The new blend is Balm Bomb. ????NO???? I do not get a commission - they don't have any idea about this site or that I ever would post here. They don't know I have an issue or that anyone would use it for this. It's not on the copy for this use. I just decided to try it. I'd rather they not know. I am just glad it works for me. I have HORRIBLE PMS and this has kept me from killing people this week. And best of all - at my worst coming out of my skin "WANT it" - spray, give half hour, I am happy and I really don't care so much about having any. I might like some - but my desire is a lot less.

So - before I hit the grocery store with my list - I am spraying up plus supplementing up. I am giving myself every chance I can get - recognized here as accepted treatment or not. I am in a fight for my sobriety and I will be willing to give it a shot. Too many people count on me making it through, including me.

All I can say - is last night - when I'd have ordered wine with dinner and I got the tea - I caught the happiness quickly covered. And when we got home to watch a movie and I didn't uncork anything - I got the same. I was covered in raw, happy affection. Instead of the recent just leave for work with barely a goodbye, he snuck back in with an extra blanket, tucked me in, said the house was too cold.

There is something to be said for being reliable and keeping one's word.

So - as much as I know where the cabinet (where there is an ungodly great bottle I bought the last time sitting) - I am going to get ready to go out and stay out.

Each day - I earn back trust - of all the people I don't drunk dial.

I am Prairie Fairy. No matter how much that cabinet calls me today, I will keep busy, I will not falter. People depend on me. I depend on me. I will not drink today.

[FreeFly]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Good on you Prairie.

Well I've chosen a stupid time to attempt this - the beginning of the holidays - but here we go - day one.

Hi LillyE and thanks for the welcome Wishing everyone strength for the holidays.

[Prairie Fairy]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

There really isn't a good time FF! And I don't know about you - but I was pretty much out of runway. It was start - or start losing what mattered most.

So - it sucks to be in Week 1 on long days with nothing to do. Makes it harder to succeed. Look at it this way. •When• we do - NOT •if• we do - how much more proud of that will you be? Because you will have earned it in the hardest possible way.

A big reason we got a restart thread started is because while we have an obligation to help newbies not falter like we did - we KNOW this get's harder each time. So - if you slip again- we get it. But don't slip. Don't think negatively. Give yourself the best chance to fight. We are all fighting this fight at the same time, same place, same stage. We are here to grab your hand and hold on. And you are here to tell me to keep my happy a$$ out of that cabinet today. :-)

It's what we are going to do. All April. Let's worry about just April. And April ODAT.

XOXO - stay strong.

[FreeFly]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Prairie Fairy;1292147 wrote: There really isn't a good time FF! And I don't know about you - but I was pretty much out of runway. It was start - or start losing what mattered most.

Couldn't have put it better myself. I really do like my life without alcohol too. Crazy head f***. My new plan is try not to give AL brain so much power. Treat it like a naughty child and ignore it!

[Prairie Fairy]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Into the Lion's Den I go...

Well - here goes nothing...

The SO and our mutual dear friend want me to meet them for dinner at a local watering hole.

They both are my drinking buddies - although they usually are pouring me into a car at the end of a night unless I focus REALLY hard on 3 - Prairie - stop at 3- stop at 3 - MUST stop at 3.

CRAP.

I was at the store a half an hour from the SO's when I got the call - too far to go get the supplements. The grocery had the micronized L-Glut in powder which I am slamming in a fruit water along with the aminos's I found in the weight lifter section. I am off the GNC to see if they have any Kudzu.

This is one big old test early. Damn it.

OK. Off to find Kudzu. I. CAN. DO. THIS.

[Prairie Fairy]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Well - NO kudzu at GNC. I remembered in the book that some people find Bach's Rescue Remedy a help. They had that. So - everything I can use out of that has been sucked down.

Actually - I was interested to note how FAST the micronized L-GLUT powder hit the blood stream. Not carry friendly - but for use at home? Wow! ZOWIE - that went FAST! If you were in the grip of a bad craving - that would give you the fastest buffer I have found yet.

Anyway - just got the call - they are all about to descend - and I can no longer avoid walking in. So - butt Velcro. Buckle up the harness. I don't want to blow this on Day 4.

Let's do this thing.

[FreeFly]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

You can do it Prairie. Just think of your post tomorrow morning Strap yourself in and enjoy!

[LillyE]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Hi all,

Well, still here on Day 5. Last night I cooked some dinner, lay on the couch and read some magazines and reread part of a book on quitting I've found useful in the past (Beat the Booze), drank tea out of my nicest china and went to bed early. Slept for 10 hours! I'm finding myself really fatigued at the moment and wanting a LOT of sleep. I can only assume this is a side effect of withdrawal.

Tonight is dinner out with drinking pals. I must be the only person in Australia today feeling glad about the fact you can't get booze on Good Friday. Since I resisted buying any last night I'll be empty handed for dinner tonight = much more likely I won't slip *and* won't be able to change my mind and grab a bottle on the way thinking 'Oh, it IS a long weekend... etc.'

Thanks for the kind words Over It. I read them right before sleep on my mobile and they made me feel better. How are you doing? Isn't it your wedding anniversary tomorrow night that you were worried about drinking at? How do you think you're going to go? Your advice to me was sound too. How about to yourself? In your sig you say '100 days - new record you must achieve'. Why did you feel that when you wrote it? Why is it important and how can you do it? Can you celebrate without drinking? It sounds like your SO is not being that supportive? Will he consider not drinking with you in support. (Just realised I'm assuming he's a he and you're a she for some reason but maybe you're not? Sorry if so - the handles can make all that confusing. Not that it really matters.)

I also loved all your suggestions about doing something positive instead... like reading a book, cooking, bubble bath. Have you made your own list for when the urges hit

Let me repeat your words back to you for tomorrow then...

"Whatever it is that you decide to do, remember the decision that you made to give all this crap away and start having more joy in your life. Less shame, less worry, less guilt, less of all the negatives and more self esteem."

Damn straight!

I know I'm still a bit on the fence but I've been doing this on-off dance for close to a year. More on than off honestly. I highly recommend journalling to anyone - especially anyone starting out - because it's really helpful to me to look back and read how good I felt after 2-3 weeks off and conversely how miserable I have felt before when I've fallen off the wagon and gone on a binge.

Did everyone read that thread by the person talking about how they relapsed after 6 years sober? I found that really thought-provoking re the romancing of the booze, then how it wasn't really that great at all, but quickly led to excessive drinking and misery. A great read for us all if you haven't seen it yet.

PF - How did you go last night? It sounded like your SO was so happy you weren't drinking that I found it odd he would then invite you out to the pub with a drinking buddy. Is he testing you do you think? Or does he not realise just how hard it is? Can you not talk to him about how you need to avoid those scenarios for now to not drink? I hope you managed to hang tight but we won't judge if you didn't. Also, where are you? You don't have to say of course if you'd rather not. I assumed the US but wondering what long weekend it is there? I guess it's the prairie that made me think that.

It's hard knowing whether to say things like the above - about us not judging if you slip - to newbies. I would hate anyone to not come back if they're lapsed, as that's why we're all here. At the same time, the first time I was on here I found all the stories about lapsing and relasping quite disenheartening. Let's all focus on the positives of why we can do this and why it's important we do, yeah?

Having said that, I know my motivation is shady and I know it's because while I believe I *might* make the month of April I don't really believe I won't drink in a whole month in Thailand with heavy-drinking friends and going away to a resort weekend with a bunch of people I don't really know where it's already clear that boozing will play a heavy part. But am I using that as a built-in out to fail? There's never going to be a 'perfect time' to quit forever, right?

Sugartree, FreeFly, Pocket, Sweethereafter and anyone else I've missed. We're here and listening, keep posting. Stay strong. Remember why this is a GOOD thing.

Sorry this was so long and rambly guys...

Lilly

[Pocket]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Hey everyone! Checking in at the end of day 2. Prairie, I am so with you about the l-glut. I really think it helps a lot! I'm out too, right now, and I'm just using the Kudzu which doesn't seem as effective.

Thursdays are the worst for me. Major stressors. I had cravings really bad during my witching hour, but I decided to do some reading in a recovery book that I find helpful. Then I drank two cups of Kava tea and fixed dinner before taking the daughter to choir.

I have some exercises, journaling, and meditations I want to do, but I was feeling really grumpy about having to be out on a rainy night, and I just wanted to get home so I could fall asleep with tea and Mad Men. I thought about skipping posting here and skipping my meditations in the name of "taking care of myself."

Then I realized that the things I was going to skip ARE taking care of myself, and I need to commit to them every day. And then I can watch Netflix and sleep.

So I did! And here I am! It's half an hour past my kiddo's bedtime, but I did my work.

Goodnight, everyone!

[LillyE]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

More food for thought ladies. Just stumbled on this coincidentally....

Even one drink can double risk of breast cancer...
New analysis reveals even one drink increases breast cancer risk (Cancer Institute NSW)

Pocket - well done! You're quite right that those things should be priorities of looking after yourself. Try to view them as positives as much as you can.

On a sidenote: You're watching MM5 I take it? I've loved it in the past but I have to say this season isn't grabbing me so far. That side plot with Betty having cancer, then not, was a bit lame. I'm hoping it'll get there though.

[Prairie Fairy]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Hi all -

I made it through. :-).

My other drinking buddy brought her kids - so it was meant to be a long social dinner as they are teens and we have spent many a late night and holiday with the three of them. I did great - everyone other adult ordered the mega sized microbrew (hello - GINORMOUS) of ale while I stuck to tea and water.

I just stayed focused on the conversation. Fortunately- or unfortunately - the SO irritated me early off in dinner. Normally I'd have gotten drunk, obnoxious, and we'd have headed home to a big fight. Given where we have been lately - likely near the last one.

When we said goodbye to our friends, (I had kept my cool so no one knew I was mad) he was struck dumb. Had no idea. Didn't agree I should be mad but didn't know either.

Settled in on the couch when normally - I'd have headed to the wine bar - popped one - and let the fun and games begin. I managed to calmly tell him why I was mad, ask him to consider an alternate behavior, where he still told me I was being silly. (His issue? As told by everyone he knows - HE WILL NEVER EVER be wrong. Even when he is. He CAN'T admit it. It's clinical. Basically - he has to stew on it. Mull it over. Then he will act different but he will never say he was wrong. if he wasn't so awesome in so many other ways - and I mean truly truly special - I've known him virtually my whole life - I'd have to...I don't know - it just drives me bat shit - but I've learned to work the system)

Anyway - it all came out that he's devastated that on a bender a couple of weeks ago I was hateful to him and I don't even remember talking to him so how I even apologize or have a meaningful conversation about the appararetly horrible things I said or the damage I have done. So yes, Lilly. I think last night was a test. A how safe is my heart with this person? I see she is trying but she has hurt me to my core. Can I trust her in a situation that she is programmed to behave differently? Because if I can't- she has hurt me so bad - I don't know how much more hurt I can take.

All of that is my words. They would never be his. My lesson. My hurt. My ache. My guilt to carry. My reason not to slip. I saw his face. I've known him my whole life. We read each other face to face some ways more than others ever can simply by weight of years. I could have done that to my ex- husband and for the last 10 years of my marriage not cared less due to the toxic nature of that relationship - where hurting each other became a sport.

But not my kids, not my parents, not my SO.

My name is Prairie Fairy. I did not drink yesterday. I am endlessly grateful I did not falter and I did not break so I could see the lesson in front of me, so it could pierce my heart in a way I needed to feel it. My actions have hurt others. I can't make amends over night. It will take time and changed behavior to fix the wrongs I have done.

I did not drink yesterday. And I will not drink today so help me God.

[DesertLady]

April Restarts - Lets's do this thing!

Wow, PF, so proud of you - WELL DONE! Don't let the information about the hurt you caused a few weeks ago derail you from this MAJOR achievement!! I think we sometimes sabotage ourselves by being really hard on ourselves. And it's much harder to make lasting changes when we we're doing it from a place of guilt and shame. Could you consider forgiving YOURSELF for the past, giving yourself some love and patience and acceptance and acknowledgement of the huge changes you are working so hard to accomplish? So that instead of "making up for" past wrongs, you are building up a store of good things for the future instead? Sometimes changing the perspective can make a big difference.....