How to deal with verbal abuse

[foofy]

Can anyone offer advice on how to deal with verbal abuse and lies from an alcoholic friend?
I tried to be supportive with his attempts to stop drinking,but when would you call it quits?
How much !@#$ do you put up with before ending the friendship?

[FlyAway]

How to deal with verbal abuse

Can you give examples of things that he says? I was in a verbally abusive relationship many years ago.

[foofy]

How to deal with verbal abuse

It is hard to think about without crying but aside from name calling,he has wished me to be pissing myself in a wheelchair. (I have MS)
He seems to go out of his way to cause pain and uses alcoholism as an excuse.

[mario]

How to deal with verbal abuse

Foofy move away from them,Your not talking to a rational person when there abusive like this and you certainly don't deserve it,Move away from them and when they come to there sober senses,Then if you can talk to them but remember the only person who can help is themselves,It has to start with them.

[windy]

How to deal with verbal abuse

How much !@#$ do you put up with before ending the friendship

NOT MUCH! Real friends don't cause too much crap without saying they are sorry and being able to discuss it and move forward not backwards.

[K9Lover]

How to deal with verbal abuse

And a REAL friend would not do it over and over again. You don't deserve that. I don't care if this person is drunk or not, you do NOT deserve to abused that way. Tell this person you can't see him until he treats you right, which may be never if he continues to drink.

[FlyAway]

How to deal with verbal abuse

foofy;1291329 wrote: It is hard to think about without crying but aside from name calling,he has wished me to be pissing myself in a wheelchair. (I have MS)
He seems to go out of his way to cause pain and uses alcoholism as an excuse.

Wow! It's time to call it quits on this "friendship." That's downright hateful. You teach people how they can treat you. You shouldn't allow anyone ever to speak to you like that. :l

[caper564]

How to deal with verbal abuse

sorry i agree with everyone... time to end it now... as long as they drink it will continue ... AND get worse. just make the break. when and if they sober up they will come back

[foofy]

How to deal with verbal abuse

Thank you all for your good advice.I have not spoken to this person for 5 days.He has been sober for close to a month now.He has been in therapy and is in AA as well.
Yes, he has apologized for these things but I cannot trust him anymore and I know that alcohol cannot be blamed for his lack of decency.What amazes me is how well he is able to hide not only his alcoholism but his (for lack of a better descriptor) personality problem.
How are people able to sustain any relationships with these problems??

[K9Lover]

How to deal with verbal abuse

foofy;1291422 wrote: How are people able to sustain any relationships with these problems??

They can't.

Until the problem is identified and truly dealt with, it will be a cycle. Not to say it can't be broken, but it takes a hell of a lot of work!

[FlyAway]

How to deal with verbal abuse

Verbal abusers are usually very good at hiding their nature with other people. It's only with those they are closest to, those they feel will "take it," that they unleash their fury and their need to humiliate and belittle. And they are usually telling everyone else how the abused person has issues.

[caper564]

How to deal with verbal abuse

seems to me like you already know the answer to your question..

[foofy]

How to deal with verbal abuse

@Caper564-I do.but I can't help but wonder about it and how people are able to live with verbal abuse and alcoholism.

[one2many]

How to deal with verbal abuse

FlyAway;1291464 wrote: Verbal abusers are usually very good at hiding their nature with other people. It's only with those they are closest to, those they feel will "take it," that they unleash their fury and their need to humiliate and belittle. And they are usually telling everyone else how the abused person has issues.

Absolutely! I can vouch for that.
Nobody deserves to be verbally abused by anyone whether they are drinking or not. I would tell this person that their behaviour is unacceptable and you no longer want to be around them and that you may reconsider if they do something about their drinking.

DO NOT keep taking this, it is ABUSE and you do not deserve it.

Stand Strong...

[FlyAway]

How to deal with verbal abuse

An eye opening book for me after the fact was called The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.