for the rest of my life I want to be sober

[treetops]

Hi - this is not the first time I have tried to stop drinking but this may be the last chance I have. My liver is in a very bad state (I have to wait months to see a specialist to know how bad) and my GP told me I must abstain. My family wants me to and I do too - but like many alcoholics I also love the booze - especially wine. I also irrationally think that I will loose my zing and creativity without my daily 'fix'. Thats stupid but as some may know during the early days of abstinence you can feel very flat and empty. I have been to counsellors in the past, tried naltrexone (it made me extremely depressed & on one occasion wiped me out), looked in to AA and ran away, tried hypnosis tapes. On the positive side I have stopped drinking when pregnant, also when living in countries where alcohol is not available and a few years quit for 9 months on my own steam. I even managed a wine-free holiday in France during that period.
I so want to stay alive - and enjoy life & not wreck my teenage daughter's life - either through my drinking or through illness/my death.
I am waiting to see if I can get into a private support group - but this may take weeks. So far have been sober for 6 days (pathetic I know)
Any suggestions? Support welcome.

[nancy]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

other options

There are other options you could consider.

I don't know where you live but there's a national US network called Women For Sobriety. It's abstinence based and more private than AA, and in my opinion, more appropriate for women. You can e-mail them and see if they have a chapter where you live. There is also a program called SMART Recovery, which might be helpful for you.

In terms of drugs, I don't know all the ins and outs but I think naltrexone reduces your pleasure generally. So there is a technique called the Sinclair Method, where you take it only when drinking and not when you are not also doing other pleasurable activities, because you don't want to reduce pleasure of things like going to the gym.

If you have a very severe problem that is affecting you physically, you may also want to consider baclofen on an experimental basis. Check our medication forum for information on that and see an addiction specialist. There's a book available on that by a French doctor.

More fundamentally, regardless of where you are on the spectrum, I suggest you find an empathetic psychotherapist you can confide in and discuss options with.

Also, Ken Anderson's book about reducing harm is worth a read.

Good luck.

Oh and about hypnotherapy, in my opinion it's 100 times more effective if you pay some money and do it privately. I don't see the point of tapes. You only need one or two sessions.
New comment: It sounds on a second read like you live in the UK. Ask about options for women and harm reduction and get a new GP.

[Turnagain]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Treetops....

You have already done something tremendous...6 days free of alcohol is quite significant considering how strong this progressive addiction is. Like you, I could go for long stretches without drinking but as the years went by, it got to the point where I just couldn't seem to even go one day without drunk drinking. And also, like you, I realized that if I didn't stop, I was going to die. In fact, I wanted to die. The depression was deep.

But this last time around for me was different - although it didn't start out that way. I had an accidental Day One and figured that I would probably end up drinking again sooner or later. I decided to begin posting here. I stuck close and read everything I could get my hands on at this site and beyond. Most importantly, I looked around at the people who were succeeding to see how they did it. Here's what I saw - regardless of how they initially broke the addiction...whether it was rehab, meds or on their own....ALL had one thing in common. They accept they can no longer drink. And the most successful of them don't feel deprived - they are grateful.

For whatever reason, I was afraid of committing to NEVER drinking again. But interestingly enough, the moment I made the decision to no longer drink....I felt a flood of relief! Being Alcohol Free has given me my life back. This is a rare second chance and I'm going hang on to this quit like my life depends on it. Because it does.

Keep at it, Treetops. There's great support and friendship in the Newbies nest. The encouragement I got there in the early days was essential. There is hope. And there is life - a good life - waiting for you to reclaim it once you break this addiction once and for all.

take care.....

[treetops]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Thanks so much

You people are wonderful. I live in a small city in New Zealand - we have AA but nothing like Women For Sobriety. As I indicated the resources here are so small that I have to wait a few months (even as a private paying client) to see a specialist.

[Pinecone]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Hi Treetops,

Not pathetic at all! I'm very glad you are here. It sounds like you have alot of great reasons to give up drinking for good.

I know that you are correct to label irrational the fear that you will lose your "spark." I found that I was stifling my true self with every sip but still afraid of losing something by quitting (?!). What a twisted ride...

You might want to start posting in the Newbie's Nest thread, it is very active and you will get lots of support there. Just jump right in to the conversation.

I hope you stick around!

[Starfish1]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Hi Treetops,

Six days is Awesome :goodjob: you are off and running Until you can see your doctor, perhaps you can also look into holistic ways of healing your liver. I know that milk thistle and dandelion tea are supposed to be very good for the liver, as is lemon water. I am sure there are other things you can do also to promote a healthy liver. The liver is an amazing organ and regenerates healthy cells very quickly. Since you were able to take care of your body when you were pregnant, maybe you could look at this time in your life as a time you must take care of your liver, just as you took care of yourself and your babies. Good luck, and I am glad you found MWO :l

[K9Lover]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Hi Treetops!

6 days is great! You're through the worst of it physically...now comes the mental part. Stick around this site and you will find so much information. The people here can truly identify with what you are going through. This site and the medication Antabuse have saved my life. I'm glad you're here!
K9

[SKendall]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

:goodjob: on 6 days. There are a few NZ'ers around this forum. I ditto all of the above posts and I wish you the very best. Please stick around.

[treetops]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

There should be more NZers on this forum. We have a pretty dreadful record of alcohol abuse here - in many different forms. We also have few options for rehab/recovery - private health insurance is not the norm here & the state has almost no facilities for alcohol rehab. So its pretty much self help, mutual support, AA, the Salvation Army or medication from the GP. Meanwhile wine/beer is very easily available from supermarkets and corner stores and is comparatively cheap.

[DesertLady]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Welcome, Treetops! So glad you found us. I'm on Day 17 myself and it hasn't been easy, but finding this forum is what gave me the motivation to truly give this a go. Read, read, read what everyone has to say here, and take as much of the advice as possible. Get the supps, start putting together a plan and take it ODAAT (my new favourite acronym: One Day At A Time). For the first time I truly believe that a life beyond and without alcohol is actually possible. Working on the mental/behavioural stuff is key, I think - there are a number of books that are recommended here, that seem to really help with looking at alc a different way. I'm about to start the Allan Carr one myself. Keep coming back and let us know how you're getting along.
And CONGRATS on six days - that's a good start!!

[Unwasted]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Treetops,

Welcome.....:welcome:

First of all, 6 days is huge in the beginning, so don't discount that. Really, that's how it's done. Small chunks of time that you conitinually add to. If you can ever start getting 30, then 60, and then 90 days you're well on your way to a sober life. I didn't think I could ever stop drinking, but I've just celebrated five months sober, and I feel long-term sobriety is a real and distinct probablility for me. I can finally see myself as a nondrinker who can accept life on its own terms without the torment of fighting the never-ending battle of bargaining.......what will I drink today, when, how much, where, with whom..........can I attend this or that.........will there be a way for me to get alcohol...........you know the drill. Oh, and then the whole physical battle of feeling horrible every single day, swearing off only to start again. There is nothing good about alcohol........when we get to MWO, we're in a bad place with it.......chasing what we remember from long ago that really wasn't great.....we just tell ourselves it was.

I hope you can do this for your daughter. Our beloved K9 has finally made a breakthrough by using Antabuse. She too had her daughter as an incentive and seems to have turned a corner.

What you don't realize now is that your life will be much better if you can get alcohol out it. Paradoxically you think you want it, but it's ruining your life. It distorts your thinking and has nothing but pain to offer. Eventually you'll cherish sobriety and all that comes with it.

One last thing........I too ran from AA but now I go for the support of other people who understand the battle. I need people in my life who don't drink and that's where you'll find them.........I just kind of let the parts that don't fit me go........I just let them pass and hang on to what works for me.....I'm not religious, so I just think of my higher power as the group....I understand not wanting to go - I didn't either.....But, I had to do something to ensure long-term sobriety for myself.

Wishing you the best. :lilheart:

UN

[treetops]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Dear DesertLady
17 days is fantastic - I had a relapse - but it was not a major blow-out. Still any AL is poison for me. Fortunately the weather is great here and I have been able to do lots of other things that I enjoy (walking, taking photographs) as well as taking care of my family. Am hopefully seeing a psych/addiction specialist within the next few weeks & have ordered supps through local suppliers - they should be here in a few days. ODAAT sounds good.

[treetops]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

for Unwasted

Not sure yet how these threads work - so not sure if this will get to you

Thank you so much for your wisdom and support.
I want to do this for my daughter, myself and my partner (who is my daughter's Dad - we are together after 18 years). Mostly for my lovely teenage daughter - my only child who I had late in life.

Its so good to connect with women who are recovering alcoholics. We all share this and many of us have to hold families and jobs together while we are in recovery.

[Unwasted]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Treetops, I automatically subscribe to threads I post on, so I did see your response.

The fact that you're getting help is such a huge step in the right direction. I don't think it matters which route we take, we just have to actively seek help. Getting sober is difficult to do alone.

I hope you'll continue to read and post. There is an immense amount of information scattered throughout the site. Let us know if you need any help navigating it.

Sending you peace and strength. Sober really is so much better.......and the obsession over alcohol does lessen if you can hang in there. It's not easy, but very doable.

:lilheart:

[Arial]

for the rest of my life I want to be sober

Hi

Dear Treetops,

It's good to see you here and I wish you courage and strength as you take up this challenge! Congratulations on 6 days AF - don't underestimate that achievement - the first steps are huge as they mark the beginning of a possible new life. I too have grown daughters and look back with regret at the wasted time and the upset I must have caused. However, looking back does no one any good, except to use it for inspiration to move forward and make those changes we so want to, and decide that our lives will remain our own rather than given over to alcohol.

Good luck with your journey, and I look forward to meeting you here often - there's a wealth of inspiration here, so read all you can!