Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

[Doggygirl]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Hi LG. Get right back on that wagon!!! :b&d:

I thought I would respond to your mention of AA. Clearly everyone does not find it helpful. I don't necessarily find benefit from 100% of what goes on in AA, but here are some of the things I have found beneficial:

* I now have an extensive network of sober friends.
* I have learned some tools and skills through AA that help me a great deal in everyday life - a biggie is that I am getting far better at maintaining peace of mind through all of life's ups and downs.
* AA taught me the joy that comes through love and service to others
* The fellowship is very strong and I can go anywhere in the world, walk into a meeting, and feel right at home.
* My personal spiritual beliefs are far, far, far from a "traditional religious" point of view. My explorations of spirituality outside of mainstream religion have not been a barrier - I have met people of many faiths and no faiths in AA. People are finding support for sobriety there without regard to religious beliefs or no religious beliefs. I have certainly benefited (and continue to benefit) from the spiritual exploration I started there.

Anyway - just a few of my personal thoughts. Two of the best pieces of advice I got before checking out an AA meeting wer "look for the similarities rather than the differences with the people there" and " every meeting is different - go to several and see if a particular group feels comfortable to you." I was shocked when I discovered how much I had in common with a lawyer and a homeless guy in one particular meeting.

The important thing is to take whatever path that will get you to long term sobriety. I can sure relate to that escalating drinking. That was my experience as well when I relapsed after 60 days AF. (two drinks, then 4 drinks, etc. until I was quickly right back where I started)

Good luck!

DG

[K9Lover]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

My Dear LG -
I know where you're coming from, I truly do understand. Last year I would go 3 week then drink for 4 days, quit for 4 weeks, drink for 3 days, etc., etc.. The whole time I figured it was better than what I used to do, but the bottom line is that I was still teasing myself with those few days here and there...and the dreaded first three days of quitting kept happening over and over again. You've gotten up to 39 days. I have complete faith that you can go that long and beyond. I believe in you, and I know you want it. Stick close. Your honesty is a huge victory in the battle, by the way.
Love,
K9

[Pocket]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Hey, LG.
Miss "hearing" your voice in the nest. You may not feel like you are anyone to admire right now, and I totally get that, but I actually do look up to you... that 39 days is amazing, first of all. I really relate to the things you write, and I love your voice. I hope you are doing well right now! Either way, though, I hope you post soon.

K9-- I really, really relate to the cycle you describe. Do you think the antabuse made the difference? Or what? Do you think it's really common to go for a period of time like that before a quit sticks for good?

[LibraryGirl]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Boys and Girls, I finished that bottle of wine last night. I didn't want anymore after I finished it, but I did enjoy what I drank. Worst of all, I've begun thinking that I really don't have a problem, and that I just "allowed" myself to drink too much too often before, and THAT was the problem.

I have never gotten up in the morning and drank. I have never drank at work, or hid any bottles of AL. I have never hidden my drinking from my significant others. I didn't always get drunk, although I've been drunk too many times to count.

Is it possible, and I know this is a site where AL is always considered a problem, but is it possible that I just had a bad habit of drinking too often, and sometimes too much? Could it be that I am not an alcoholic, and that I can perhaps drink in moderation?

If you say unequivocally NO, YOU CAN'T, please preface it with an explanation, and not just my own first posts. I know what I wrote, and I also know that I had a bad habit of drinking every day. What I have found out, however, is that I don't have to drink every day, and I can quit after a few drinks.

Bear with me, I am seeking answers. I am not drinking.

[Almostfamous]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Ok, here is me being honest about me. I thought the EXACT same thing 5 years ago. I never ever hid a bottle, drank at work, missed work because I was hung over. I did think I drank too much and stopped for a while. I then moderated for a while. Fast forward to this past year- I hid bottles in my recycling bin and bought boxes of wine because they were easier to hide. Wow how things progressed. I really wished I could be a normal, social drinker but it just got worse and worse as the years went along. I think most of us that drink too much go through the thought process of thinking maybe we can moderate. For me, I know now with 100% certainty I can not moderate. It will just lead me back to agony.I wish I would have just quit when I first thought I might have an "issue" with alcohol.

[jenniech]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

librarygirl: I am in the EXACT same spot as you.....but here is the thing....I have been trying to moderate for the past couple of years and i always end up with that bottle of wine a night eventually....so these past few months i have been going 4 to 5 days at a time, and then CRAP, I am transported to the damn liquor store. But now, after 4 or 5 days AF, instead of a bottle, i am drinking 1 bottle and then some. So, I know I have to stop....I have told my husband i need to stop and i am trying .... i am getting better in the sense that I have many more AF days than last year but I still recognize it as a problem even though i never miss work, don't drink during day, don't hide it, work out religiously, eat well, yada yada yada.....and I have been going to AA meetings now and then.....i am getting closer to being 100% committed and I hope it happens soon. Tonight was probably the first time I actually did NOT want to drink....that is a pretty cool feeling....anyway, i could ramble on forever....so, now i am going to watch a show on TV and will actually remember it tomorrow...goodnight!

[K9Lover]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Hi LG!
How are you doing today? I really don't have an answer for your question. You seem to be able to stop at a few drinks, but I can't, so I don't even know what that feels like. A few drinks for me makes any reasoning go out the window and I want more, more, more! Even if that included being stupid and driving to get it! On the few nights I stopped before I was really ready to (because I had run out), I was miserable! I drank to get drunk, period. I've never drank socially, or any of that crap. I drank to blackout, and pass out, and in the meantime I acted like a complete ass. That's why I can't have even one. But like I said, you seem to be able to quit after a few, do you think that will last, or will it escalate into being a problem? I'm not judging by any means, just curious, because I've never stopped at a "few".
Love,
K9

[LibraryGirl]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

TBH, I'm not sure K9. I used to only drink on the weekends, and I didn't necessarily keep it to a few drinks...many times I got drunk. However, I didn't see it as a problem, because I didn't drink during the week. Hell, if had kept doing that I probably wouldn't have come here in the first place.

I thought I couldn't quit, or moderate because I was so in the habit of drinking every evening, but it turns out that it's not so difficult for me (to not drink). Maybe I'll eat my words later, but that's my experience so far. All I can know is that.

Anyway, I feel like I'm talking this to death. More than likely, I will end up with egg on my face, and feeling like a complete idiot.

[Almostfamous]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

One thing I do is go back and read my early posts. It really helps me stay on track. Maybe it will help to see what you were feeling and what your thought process was when you came here initially.

[LibraryGirl]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

I know exactly how I felt when I came here, because I was drinking every night. I have not felt that way the last few times I drank. I have read what I wrote more than one time. What I am thinking is that I was so looking for a reason to blame all of the problems I've had in life, and alcohol was the perfect excuse. I quit, but the problems did not. I thought I had reached some kind of epiphany and that I was so "strong" to have finally conquered this terrible thing that had taken over my life, but my problems (anger, depression, etc.) have not gone away.

I am not suffering with it constantly, and I do have good days, but I know it's still there. More later...time to go home. yay!

[Byrdlady]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

My opinion is that AL is the crafty-est bastard I know. When you first came here, you were in the depths of dispair...and reaching out for help. This is where we all are when we come here. Looking for help. And you participated with us and did the time. Here is what I think is happening....these are the stages of grief. The first is denial, then anger...there's another one in there but the next one is key...that's BARGAINING. This is what I did...maybe my problem wasn't so bad after all! Maybe I was just imagining that I drank more than everyone else! Maybe I didn't make as big an ass of myself as I thought!!!! Alas, I had a problem, and a big one. You have 2 choices the way I see it...you can bargain with AL and lose, or you can cut it off at the head and get on with your life. Easier said than done! It may not happen today...but AL will eventually rule all your thoughts and actions. You will make rules for yourself and then bend them and then break them. Your relationship with AL was as good as it's going to get the day you got here...it only goes worse from there. The final stage of grief is acceptance. This is not a sentence...this is the place to be! Once you can stop beating yourself up for failing and the whole cycle of it...it's a wonderful, peaceful, and much simpler way to live. It is less complicated. There are no choices to make when yours is a policy of Zero Tolerance. Do I wish I could drink like a normal person and not obsess over it? Sure I do....but I can't, and I am more than ok with that. Hope it helps, Byrdie

[Boh]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Lbg, personally I think only we can tell our selves that we have a problem. And it is you who will have to decide if you can moderate.

I know myself, I drank obscene amounts of alcohol daily. I went to work, owned a home, had 2 cars and a motorcycle, and had a great family. I never hid bottles, I drank openly. Everyone knew I had a problem, I was just the last one to figure it out.

I know that I cannot moderate as I am an alcoholic. I never drank for the taste or for social enjoyment. Every time I drank, I drank to get drunk...nothing less. Everything I did had to include alcohol. Modding is not an option for me as much as I wish it was...

Sorry I can't give you a better answer

Boh

[Boh]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Byrdlady;1298948 wrote: My opinion is that AL is the crafty-est bastard I know. When you first came here, you were in the depths of dispair...and reaching out for help. This is where we all are when we come here. Looking for help. And you participated with us and did the time. Here is what I think is happening....these are the stages of grief. The first is denial, then anger...there's another one in there but the next one is key...that's BARGAINING. This is what I did...maybe my problem wasn't so bad after all! Maybe I was just imagining that I drank more than everyone else! Maybe I didn't make as big an ass of myself as I thought!!!! Alas, I had a problem, and a big one. You have 2 choices the way I see it...you can bargain with AL and lose, or you can cut it off at the head and get on with your life. Easier said than done! It may not happen today...but AL will eventually rule all your thoughts and actions. You will make rules for yourself and then bend them and then break them. Your relationship with AL was as good as it's going to get the day you got here...it only goes worse from there. The final stage of grief is acceptance. This is not a sentence...this is the place to be! Once you can stop beating yourself up for failing and the whole cycle of it...it's a wonderful, peaceful, and much simpler way to live. It is less complicated. There are no choices to make when yours is a policy of Zero Tolerance. Do I wish I could drink like a normal person and not obsess over it? Sure I do....but I can't, and I am more than ok with that. Hope it helps, Byrdie

Wow, Amazing post Byrd!!!!!

[lolab]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

I agree Boh. Right on Byrdie...

[K9Lover]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Great post Byrdie...I bargained for years...it got me nowhere.