Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

[LibraryGirl]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Bargaining is probably where I am in my life with AL right now, Byrdie. Good point, and well taken! Unfortunately, these words of wisdom could not have been spoken without experience, and I'm beginning to regret my arrogance of a month ago when I boasted that I could quit on my first try. How completely stupid was that?

Despite everyone saying, "yes, I did that and I found out it won't work", yada yada, most (including me) will have to do the time and find out for themselves.

Thanks for the support and the replies. I love you guys!:h

[Pocket]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Yeah, LG... I have to learn everything the hard way. I get exactly where you are coming from. It wasn't like I ALWAYS hid bottles, you know? I got very self-righteous after a stint in AA (and when I went to AA, I was very cocky about being able to quit the first time). Man, not agreeing with so much really helped me justify drinking. For a while I did really well at moderating. I was on Moderation Management, recording my drinks on Abstar... I got really into harm reduction philosophies, which I still stand by. Any way we can reduce the harm al (or any other substance) does is better in my book, even if it's a seemingly simple step like being super aware. There is a book that I found helpful during that time in my journey-- "Over the Influence, " by Patt Denning, Jeannie Little, and Adina Glickman. I think I especially appreciated the acknowledgment that people use substances for real reasons. Sometimes, numbing out is psychological self-defense against any number of realities. Obviously, it doesn't work over the long-term. Even the short term. But people are drawn to particular substances for specific effects.

I know you are frustrated that other problems didn't disappear when you went AF. I get that, too. I feel sometimes like I deserve a break in other areas because, well, haven't I been a good girl? It's only in the last few months that I have started to see it differently. I have things in my life that I want to change and AL won't help. Maybe depression (or whatever else) is one of your underlying problems, and maybe going AF won't fix it. Hell, maybe you won't slide down the slope like so many of us have. But drinking certainly won't help things either. Even if you aren't going nuts with AL, it's still a depressant that is only going to aggravate anger and depression. And if you ARE stressed out much of the time, that can certainly raise the chances of your alcohol use escalating over time.

It's kind of like if you had a had a really stressful life, and part of it was that your boyfriend was a complete jerk and made you feel like shit all the time. So you broke up with him, and the rest of your life was still stressful--work,, bills, feeling like you aren't doing what you want in life. You probably wouldn't be like, "Well, since the rest of my life still sucks, I guess my boyfriend wasn't so bad after all. I miss him sometimes. I think I'll do that again; clearly he wasn't the problem." Ya know? Breaking up with him was still a positive change. It's just not the only thing that needs work.

Ok, maybe I took the analogy too far... :H But I just wanted to stop in and let you know it's okay to be where you're at. You are questioning, and yes probably bargaining, and it's just a part of it. You had a FANTASTIC af run and you are still thinking it out. Hope the rest of your evening goes well! :l

[choice]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Hi Library Girl,

It was so strange for me when I stopped drinking. I questioned if I needed to totally stop myself. Part of what I struggled with was my only support was here in MWO. It seamed like in the outside world.. my drinking was "normal".. I guess by who's standards... but non the less. I think it was really an identity shift that I was struggling with as well being newly sober. I think all the questions you raise about if your drinking really is not that bad are good ones. I'm sure many of us have felt that way and maybe didn't want to post about those thoughts. So I just wanted to say I think your really doing good work by delving into this, it will serve you well in the long run.

Take care, Choice

[hidden_gem]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Pocket, that was a GREAT analogy, I love it!

Gem

[hidden_gem]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

Pocket, that was a GREAT analogy, I love it!

Gem

[Wildflowers]

Confession. Can We Keep it Anonymous? LOL

I've never fully understood the grief concept in regards to alcohol, only in the loss of loved ones. It makes alot of sense now. I must always be careful of bargaining creeping back into my thoughts. When they do, as I know they will, I have tools to deal with them. A plan already in place.

I have accepted deep down inside that I'm an alcoholic. I must have a "Zero Tolerance Policy". Thanks Byrdie!

I must separate my sobriety from everything else that is happening in my life. It doesn't matter how well, how poor, or how indifferent my life is going. I must remind myself to never take it for granted. This has been a long process!

I no longer regret all my failed attempts, nor my arrogance. They have been my teachers. We get there when we get there. Hopefully, alive & in one piece.

I relapsed at 97 days, 3 yrs ago & it's taken this long to achieve 31 days of sobriety. I'm grateful for MWO. Grateful that I get another chance at sobriety, a chance to live.