I've been sifting through to see if this has been addressed before so I apologize if I missed it. I'm wondering how to handle my quest for sobriety with my friends.
I'm a binge drinker, probably a full-out alcoholic that's not quite ready to admit it, but I'm definitely ready to make some changes. After a rocky couple of months, my fiance just told me that he struggles with the differences between the drunk me and the sober me. In some sense, those were words that I've been waiting for 20 years to hear (40 year old that's been drinking regularly since college). Someone likes me better sober than they do drunk and they'd like me to stay sober.
Like many others, I was the shy kid that learned to come out of her shell with alcohol. I went from being the awkward geek to the life of the party. My friends associate me with alcohol. My social life revolves around the bar. As a road warrior living in hotels just about every week, drinking is a part of our culture. Co-workers meet in the hotel bar every night and last night we even discussed that drinking is just what we did. My fiance is even a homebrewer and we have an entire room in our house filled with brewing beer. My entire life involves alcohol and I'm so mad and disappointed in myself that I can't control it or use it responsibly.
Most days I'm good - a drink or two to socialize - but the binging is definitely a problem and one that has been increasing. I tend to suppress my emotions only to explode when I drink. It's a total outlet for me and I keep thinking that if I learn to deal with feelings, I'll be able to drink responsibly. Now I'm wondering if I'm even capable of that. There's no reason for me not to be happy right now and yet I drink and get angry and explode.
So I've made the decision to change my drinking. I'm not really sure how much. Part of me thinks it needs to be completely cold turkey because once I start, I just don't know when to say when. But then there's a part of me that is so terrified that my entire identity will go right out the door without a drink in my hand. I've had my moments where I've tried to curtail the drinking - the peer pressure was relentless. Everyone making comments that it's just not right when I don't have a drink in my hand. I've drank when I didn't even feel like it but the situation called for it. Afterwards...I feel so weak.
I know my friends would totally support me in my decision - at least my close friends. I'm pretty sure they've talked behind my back about my drinking habits. But I'm still uncertain how to approach things with them. I've read that you simply say "no thank you" and you don't need to explain. I understand that but on the other hand, I'd like to tell folks that I'm working to make some changes and I ask that they support me and not pressure me. Having tried this in the past - it tends to open a discussion and next thing I know - we rationalized things down to "I can have a beer or two and it's no big deal".
Is this just an excuse? If I were strong enough would I just be able to do things on my own and not feel the need to explain things to everyone? I'm wondering if I even have the courage and discipline to change things. Thanks everyone for your input and suggestions.
I'm a binge drinker, probably a full-out alcoholic that's not quite ready to admit it, but I'm definitely ready to make some changes. After a rocky couple of months, my fiance just told me that he struggles with the differences between the drunk me and the sober me. In some sense, those were words that I've been waiting for 20 years to hear (40 year old that's been drinking regularly since college). Someone likes me better sober than they do drunk and they'd like me to stay sober.
Like many others, I was the shy kid that learned to come out of her shell with alcohol. I went from being the awkward geek to the life of the party. My friends associate me with alcohol. My social life revolves around the bar. As a road warrior living in hotels just about every week, drinking is a part of our culture. Co-workers meet in the hotel bar every night and last night we even discussed that drinking is just what we did. My fiance is even a homebrewer and we have an entire room in our house filled with brewing beer. My entire life involves alcohol and I'm so mad and disappointed in myself that I can't control it or use it responsibly.
Most days I'm good - a drink or two to socialize - but the binging is definitely a problem and one that has been increasing. I tend to suppress my emotions only to explode when I drink. It's a total outlet for me and I keep thinking that if I learn to deal with feelings, I'll be able to drink responsibly. Now I'm wondering if I'm even capable of that. There's no reason for me not to be happy right now and yet I drink and get angry and explode.
So I've made the decision to change my drinking. I'm not really sure how much. Part of me thinks it needs to be completely cold turkey because once I start, I just don't know when to say when. But then there's a part of me that is so terrified that my entire identity will go right out the door without a drink in my hand. I've had my moments where I've tried to curtail the drinking - the peer pressure was relentless. Everyone making comments that it's just not right when I don't have a drink in my hand. I've drank when I didn't even feel like it but the situation called for it. Afterwards...I feel so weak.
I know my friends would totally support me in my decision - at least my close friends. I'm pretty sure they've talked behind my back about my drinking habits. But I'm still uncertain how to approach things with them. I've read that you simply say "no thank you" and you don't need to explain. I understand that but on the other hand, I'd like to tell folks that I'm working to make some changes and I ask that they support me and not pressure me. Having tried this in the past - it tends to open a discussion and next thing I know - we rationalized things down to "I can have a beer or two and it's no big deal".
Is this just an excuse? If I were strong enough would I just be able to do things on my own and not feel the need to explain things to everyone? I'm wondering if I even have the courage and discipline to change things. Thanks everyone for your input and suggestions.
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