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know this sounds stupid!vicious circle!!

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    #1

    know this sounds stupid!vicious circle!!

    hiya, still not managed an AF day yet!:upset:
    i just cant get my head around it.....i just cant imagine an eve without a can!!or 8!!typical example of my weekend...got pissed fri night,drank wine after my freinds had stopped(why cant i??)id been drinking cider..so the mix left me with head from hell yesterday..took my little girl to her dads,now ne one normal would just think god my head hurts ill lie down for a bit etc..but my thinking is go and get a few cans (hair of the dog)take a couple of vals(i was physically sick after my first can!!)but persevered..till id had 4,went to bed,woke up feeling like crap,went get daughter,had 2 more cans and a bottle of wine!!!
    got that ive really got to stop this! feeling again!i get down coz im broke,but im broke coz i drink and smoke my money away!!wot i spend a month would pay my rent!!!!with change!i get cross that i smoke coz id given up for 3 years,then angry at my drinking..its like a hamster wheel in my head constntly,AL rules me and my life im just scared of life without it
    xx
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    #2
    know this sounds stupid!vicious circle!!

    Be scared of life with it. As hard as it is the other side is better.
    I refuse to be labelled or ashamed. Through my struggles I am achieving self awareness and clarity.

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      #3
      know this sounds stupid!vicious circle!!

      Not stupid - very common!

      Hi

      I truly believe there's a switch in your mental state which enables you to take the first step - be it hitting rock bottom, the trigger of not wanting to waste precious time with your children, physical illness ... whatever it is, it takes that mental energy to face the situation, see alcohol as the enemy, and get angry - alcohol is an adversary - a very real physical and mental adversary and it wants to win - and it will continue to do so while it senses your hesitancies and uncertainties.

      Having been on and off the wagon for many years I'm not the best person to offer advice, but I do know that the first time you break one little hold that alcohol has over you, it can spark the confidence to face the next challenge and the next. I have found that changing routines was a must for me - I couldn't just stop drinking, because what was I going to do with all that time that I blissfully drank my way to oblivion? - I now actually had to face spending time with myself! - so I had to get out of the house, sport really helped, did new things with the girls - particularly challenging was the 6pm drinking time - I could set my watch to it - that's when the craving really hit and I needed to be distracted.

      If you're serious, you need to get armed - read the book, buy the tapes (I personally found them really good), keep coming on here and reading, reading, reading - lots of advice/inspiration/support - maybe look into medication, talk to your GP??
      One step at a time - it takes courage, strength and a fighting spirit, but you've already made that initial step by coming here, so build on it and determine what the next step is going to be - hang in, get determined and get armed - plan you offensive and go to battle - you CAN win as people on here have proved.
      :rays: Arial

      Last first day - 15th April 2012
      Goals:
      Days 1-7 DONE
      Days 8-14 DONE
      Days 15-21 DONE
      30 days DONE
      60 days
      100 days

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        #4
        know this sounds stupid!vicious circle!!

        Hi Bimble,
        I can totally relate to how you feel. I drank myself into a stupor every night for years. To think of a night without it petrified me. But Dave is right...I'm more scared of life WITH alcohol now than without. You have mentioned your finances, and I'm sure there are other drawbacks too, mental, physical, emotional...I know there were for me. I GOT sober for my daughter, but I STAY sober for me (which benefits both of us). Maybe you can start by writing the pros and cons of drinking, I'm sure you will see the cons far outweigh any "benefits". The first few days without alcohol will be the hardest. Can you commit to 3 days for starters?
        We're here to help...and glad you're here too.
        K9
        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

        Comment

          #5
          know this sounds stupid!vicious circle!!

          thanks for replies,changing my routine is a must!!! went to slimming club with my eldest this eve,couldlnt let her down..not again cos of AL came home,had tea,AND IVE NOT HAD A DRINK!!!!!!had no money lol..so that helped, but id have found it from somewhere usually,but first day in many,many months..going to post now!! xxx

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