Live alone-what do you do with your time?

[sunshinegirl]

Ok....I was chatting online yesterday and was told it would help me if i were AF every once in a while before i try to do it for good. So, i was determined not to have anything to drink when I got home from work tonight. Now, I haven't rec'd or read the book yet, no supplements yet, so I am trying to gear myself up for this step. Wanted to go AF for one night, I can't remember the last time I was. So what happens? We get blasted with a huge snowstorm and I am a nervous wreck driving 18 miles home. I take care of my dogs, call my mom to let her know I got home ok, and pour a drink, and then another, and another....
is there hope for me??? maybe when I read the book and start the supplements??? I so want to stop this terrible habit/addiction.....

After reading some posts here, I think it is harder when you live alone; there is no one you are accountable to, it's so easy to "cheat" and no one would ever know. So when I get home from work, instead of pouring myself a drink...what do I do?
Thanks for your help ~

[Roxy1234]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hello Sunshinegirl...
Unfortunately I don't have the answer to this question ...yet! Living alone is the blessing and the curse. It sounds like we have a similar situation. I have a dog. And I'm in regular contact with Mom. On one hand I am thankful to be living alone because I don't have to deal with anyone judging me or shaming me, but on the other hand, as you so correctly pointed out, it's much easier to "get away with things" :-(

I think the whole point of this journey is that we are all trying to love ourselves enough to take good care of ourselves. So from that perspective, it shouldn't matter whether we live alone or with others; either way, we are striving to be true to ourselves. That being said, once again, I have still not been able to master this rather advanced concept.

Perhaps some of the other more senior folks here will have some insights.

Hugs to you and welcome to this place. It's a very supportive group of people who are all in this together :welcome:

a fellow solo dog lover

Roxy

[workingitout]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hi Sunshinegirl.
I too live alone with my 2 dogs. I deal with the same question you do of what to do with my time. I have a friend who is married with a small child and she has similar issues with alcohol. However, having to take care of her baby and being under the watchful eye of her husband, she seems to maintain a better balance. Sometimes I wish I had those checks and balances but maybe having to do this alone will make us that much stronger. I actually quit smoking and went AF for 4 days last week which is no small feat for me. I had plans over the weekend and had a few drinks each night but kept it in check, which is farily easy for me when I'm with other people. Unfortunately, yesterday (Sunday) I slipped. Sundays are the hardest for me as I never seem to know what to do with the time. I have plenty of things to do, chores, etc. but drinking the day away seems easier...at least until Monday comes and I feel sick and have nothing accomplished. So now I'm smoking and drinking again, mainly to get rid of this hangover, thinking tomorrow I will try it again. Its such a viscious cycle.

One thing I've learned from reading the posts is that each day you go alcohol free and do other things, it reinforces new habits. I felt so good last week, other than being a little cranky, but I really looked forward to getting a good night's rest and waking up feeling good. I busied myself going to the gym and got a good book that I could look forward to snuggling in bed with. I find eating dinner out is also helpful, if you can skip that glass of wine. But as good as it felt, I'm living proof that it doesn't take much to get sidetracked. I hope tomorrow I can get back in the swing of things.

Hang in there!! We can do this.

Workingitout

[sunshinegirl]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Thanks Roxy, your right, it is a mixed blessing living alone. But on the other hand, I have to be true to myself, that is why I am here.
I still have to figure out, what do you do in the evenings, (my drinking time after work), if you don't drink?
Thanks for your help Roxy,
I'll be here often ~

[sunshinegirl]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hey Workingitout.....you sound like me! I have two dogs as well and the weekends are the hardest. And then on the weekdays,especially where i live, it is very cold, snowy, dark when I go to work, dark when I come home, so what else is there to do when you get home, other than make a drink? I'm just looking for some feedback as to what others have done if they have had the same habits I've had.

congrats on being AF for 4 days last week, I can't remember when I've done even one

[workingitout]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Believe me, before last week, I couldn't remember an alcohol free night either. Don't worry. You will get there. I'm sure its hard when its cold and snowy. I'm lucky to live somewhere that snow and ice are rarely an issue. I hope there is more feedback as well b/c I'd love to learn some tricks

I don't know if the weather would prevent it but a few things I've thought (note that is thought and not done) about doing are going to the bookstore or buying a ticket ahead of time to a movie so it is planned early in the day. Sometimes coming home alone can feel so oppressive, not that we can avoid it forever, but alternate plans might help to get a few AF days under your belt.

Keep me posted on your progress. Feel free to send me a private message as I'd love to hear how you're doing and swap ideas.

[Roxy1234]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hi Sunshine,
When I am "being good," during the evenings I go to the gym...but I have to be careful that I don't go too late; otherwise, I can't sleep. If I get home from work too late (every night is different as my schedule is different every day), then I try to walk extra long with my dog. Walking doesn't seem to keep me awake as much as, say, the treadmill, etc.

Like workingitout mentioned, each day that is a success gives you a reference point for the next day, and also like workingitout said, once you start sleeping well, a good night's sleep is a huge, HUGE motivator to forego the hooch ;-) As much as I love my wine (and lots of it) I am now starting to love, even more, that feeling of waking up feeling rested and peaceful. Even if I don't sleep through the night, each time I wake and realize HEY I AM NOT DRUNK and can quickly get back to sleep...that beautiful peaceful feeling is its own reward. Oh yeah...not to mention the clear-eyed reflection staring back at me from the bathroom mirror in the mornings following a nondrinking night :-)

The other thing that helps is always having an inspirational book to read. It keeps your intentions in the right place.

Finally, I LOVE a nice hot bath. I make the bath, light candles, turn on peaceful music and focus on being grateful for spending a sober evening with my Self, the Self that wants to be known. I really feel that at the heart of this struggle is a return to Self. One of the most fantastic books I have ever read that clearly describes addiction and the struggle to find our true selves is "The Thirst for Wholeness: Attachment, Addiction and the Spriritual Path." Author: Christina Grof. I don't think it takes any type of formal religion or spiritual discipline for any of us to recognize that at the root of this nasty process is an intense desire to know and embrace who we truly are. At least that is what I have identified as my core struggle.

The reason I love this board so much is because everyone here is so openminded and willing to share what works for them. There is no judgment or shame. Just a common desire to overcome a nastiness that none of us would wish on another human being.

Anyway, those are a few of the ways I have found of spending the evenings alone, but I am far, far, far from doing them consistently. I seem to be taking baby steps. But I guess they are better than no steps

Once again, welcome aboard and best wishes on the journey,


hugs,
Roxy

[workingitout]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hi Roxy.

You have some great tips and the book you recommended sounds wonderful. I'm going to Amazon now to take a look at it.

Thanks!
Workingitout

[Accountable for Me]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

I lived alone when alcohol became a problem for me. Would go to work, come home, feel like there was this HUGE void in my life. For some reason I turned down dates back in the day, and probably shouldn't of. I also had an abundance of friends who ALWAYS invited me out. But after working all day, the last thing I wanted to do was to go out again. I started to buy wine after work, and this progressed to become a nightly ritual for me. I was hung over every day for a few years - trying to mask my nights of binging with gum, perfume and eye drops. One day I woke up and realized I couldn't stop!! I had completely secluded myself and I was a full blown addict! I also used alcohol to deal with social engagements because I lost a huge sense of myself and confidence from alcohol abuse. IT was a nightmare!!

I then met my husband at a party in the summer of 2004. We were in a 'transition' period, he was coming right out of a marriage, and I was simply running away from life and responsibilities. I ended up getting pregnant, and quickly realized I had to stop and grow up. He did not. He wasn't working, he is a binge drinker and a pot smoker. I worked full time, completely changed my lifestyle for the sake of the baby, and set up shop for our 'new' family. I had myself so run into the ground self-esteem wise that I honestly thought this man would change. He continued partying.... we continued our phasad of a relationship.... I had the baby and started to drink again because I was depressed and it was the only relationship at the time I could count on (how patheitic!)...we got married because I was a total idiot, and now we are getting divorced. Our daughter isn't even two!

So, getting back to my point at hand here. I am an alcoholic. I have been AF for 38 days. I have been on my own for the last three months. It would be so easy for me to drown out the world or cure my boredom buy buying a bottle of booze. I have decided to quit for myself. I would never of been able to do this if my husband was in my life - as I have found out recently. Unless you have a supportive partner it could be complete hell. I think doing this on your own gives you a feeling of empowerment to some degree. Of course my daughter is a factor in this, but I am quitting for ME! Certainly there are times where I think about how nice it would be to have a few drinks. It isn't easy to say no to myself. I keep reminding myself what alcohol has really done for me. Absolutely nothing!

I keep busy by doing stuff around the house most evenings and weekends. During the day I am actively seeking employment now and daycare. Not to mention dealing with lawyers and all the other BS that comes with divorce. I am pretty much adult conversation-less from Monday through Friday, so you can only imagine how easy it would be to get drunk and pass the time away. I have started new projects in my home like painting my daughter's bedroom furniture, setting up her room where it will be suited for a little princess. A project that really tests my patience but is rather enjoyable. (THANK YOU TRADING SPACES - YOU DON'T SUCK AFTER ALL!) I bought a toy box that I have to put together myself (good lord!). I have started to think about my gardens outside. Our weather has been pretty miserable here, but putting together a plan of what I want to plant is pretty interesting. I will be taking my daughter to parent drop in groups so she can know what it is like to have little friends. And I am certain it will benefit me meeting other adults. And I may even get info from them about community activities etc. I love to cook, so now I cook up a storm and give it away to my relatives on weekends. I have picked up reading again - a past time I really loved. I come on here as well of course! You know just starting off on little stuff to do, until you get use to doing stuff without drinking. I know you probably are bored to tears with the kids stuff I mentioned. Keeping busy is key......

I think what I really wanted to say is there is a difference between living and REALLY LIVING. Once you start doing things you really enjoy, and find your passions again, or even new ones, those voids that were once saturated by alcohol will no longer be voids. Ultimately and this is my goal, I would like to have a feeling that there aren't enough hours in the day to get stuff done (but not completely overwhelmed), instead of wishing the day away!

[Bluebell]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Wow Accountable your post was great. I do not live alone but am alone for the best part of the day and realise that I should be more productive with my time and stop farting around so much. It seems to be so easy to just let a day slip by as long as the basics are done. You have got me into the mode of wanting to DO STUFF!

Thanks for the shake up.:danthin:

[tawnyfrog]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

I'm going to enrol in some courses.

I want to study tai chi and learn about eagle handling .... no, funny people, ... not at the same time. I also want to learn to tango. I have a friend who is an expert and she tells me I should go to Argentina. So I spend my evenings Googling Tai Chi, Eagle Handling, Tango, Argentina ... and before I know it, 3 hours have elapsed ...

... and my head is in a lovely place ...

[Accountable for Me]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

I was just in bed thinking about my post - even turned my computer back on to edit or delete it. (the things I think about just before sleeping - LOL). I guess that is what these boards are about. Letting it all out. So I might as well leave it as is, even though I think I have said too much and rambled on and on.... That is one thing about me - I can be long winded and it takes an hour to get to the point sometimes. Thanks for finding something useful out of it Bluebell. Here I was thinking it was a downer post but if you found motivation in it, I guess there was some good to come out of my never ending verbal garble!

[Bluebell]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

That was uncanny Accountable!

It is important to believe in yourself and your thoughts, especially when you put them in writing and hand them over for all to see!

I am a poster and deleter as sometimes I do not have enough belief in my "self".

That said, this site is great for "practising" speaking out in all forms whether it be serious, funny, practical or just small talk. A lot seems to hinge on the reaction of others to what we post and to have no reaction, good reaction, bad reaction it is all great practise at speaking out and learning to be "ourselves". It is great to realise that we will not get shot down in flames for saying something that we think is a bit daft. Someone, somewhere doesn't think it is.

[tawnyfrog]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

... for a while. Then I go all :nutso::nutso::nutso: and have to find more things to Google. Like plane fares to Argentina - but perhaps I'd prefer to sail on Halong Bay in Vietenam - or maybe revisit Kathmandu - hey D'warika's looks good!, reasonable rates too ......

I guess what I'm saying is - I use Google to escape the minutia of daily living, ... to plan, to daydream ...

[Bluebell]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Big shout to Tawny for the Eagle Handling.

Errr... I was thinking more about a MYOB course.........

I have so gotta getta life. Or an imagination.