Live alone-what do you do with your time?

[YoungAtHeart]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

I am alone too--a single parent. My daughter is 17. When she was younger, of course, she wasn't good company for an adult, and now that she is fun company, she is busy with her own life, for the most part. I don't feel completely free to try to build a social life until she goes off to college in the fall, but I also remember being SO TIRED at the thought of going out after work. It was so much easier to just stay at home and drink. I did find though, that if I forced myself to go out, at least sometimes, I was always glad that I did!

AFM sounds like a woman of rare determination and energy! For myself, I like to do some handcrafts like knitting and crocheting or sewing to keep busy, I try to eat shortly after I get home, and I've even taken up watching some TV (picked a few good shows that I like) to keep me busy during the evenings. It's not horribly exciting, but it will do for now.

I like to daydream, too (thanks Tawny). I am planning my "dream house" in my head--a downsize from my current townhouse. I also fantasize about someday taking a "storm chasing" (yes, tornadoes) vacation in the midwest of the US.

[Roxy1234]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Thanks Accountable. I love your comment about "living and REALLY living." It made me realize how truly bored I am :-( I don't enjoy my job but it enables me to have a home of my own and a nice lifestyle. So I have made my peace with it, but it will never be my passion. I don't even know what my passion is....er...besides drinking :-(

So I guess I drink out of boredom and I need to fix that. Thanks for putting your thoughts into words

And big congrats on the 38 days AF!!!

hug,
Roxy

[sunshinegirl]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Wow, a lot of thought provoking comments here. Great info!! This board is really the best inspiration. I'm so tired of using a half bottle of visine every morning and feeling like crap. My complexion is terrible and I am not doing things I used to love, like reading. I did do better last night, switched to water half way through the evening instead of drinking until I go to bed. Hey, that was the time I was reading here
I hope my book/tapes are delivered when I get home. Can't wait to get started.

Thank you so much everyone and congrats on your days of being AF. Someday (soon) I hope to be posting those words.

Now.......back to work - thanks again~

[workingitout]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hi Accountable. This is a very delayed response. I have a little trouble keeping up with the posts. I loved what you said about finding your passions again because it's hard to be passionate about anything when you're drunk all of the time. I totally relate to the perfume, gum and Visine - I keep it in quantities. Anyway, it's belated, but congrats on your AF days. And your baby. Hope you are still doing well.

[trixietrack]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Accountable for Me;93372 wrote: I was just in bed thinking about my post - even turned my computer back on to edit or delete it. (the things I think about just before sleeping - LOL). I guess that is what these boards are about. Letting it all out. So I might as well leave it as is, even though I think I have said too much and rambled on and on.... That is one thing about me - I can be long winded and it takes an hour to get to the point sometimes. Thanks for finding something useful out of it Bluebell. Here I was thinking it was a downer post but if you found motivation in it, I guess there was some good to come out of my never ending verbal garble!

your post was beautiful and very inspiring:goodjob:

[paula]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

Hi sunshine, I know how you feel I do'nt live alone but my husband is away on business
quite a lot. It's easier to drink then. I was reading a book about cognitive behaviour
therapy, which suggests you put an elastic band around your wrist and each time you
have a desire to drink or do something else you have problems with you flick this band
and it acts on your brains pain receptor area, and eventually makes you associate
alcohol with pain. It is apparently useful in drug addiction and compulsive disorders.
Hope you do'nt think I'm mad
Love Paula.

[trixietrack]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

:bigcry: Almost ten years ago I moved to New york City looking to really work hard to get an art career in motion.
I was also waiting for my (ex) fiance to come to live with me, he was in Germany.
funny enough my family was near by but I didn't feel close to them after being away from the east coast for so long.

I moved into an apartment by myself, worked during the day and at night I would go home to my small dark apartment tried to work on some ideas for an art project that I had started, and ended up going around the corner to the liquor store to get a couple of bottles of red wine.
My fiance was not calling as often as he used to (he actually changed his mind, but wasn't able to tell me), my good friends were all far away and in a different time zone. The loneliness I experienced was so horrible and painful that I began to drink heavily.
Then I got the nerve up to go out and explore my neighborhood. which is basically full of bars and pubs that stay open until 4 am.
I started to meet other sad and lonely types like myself, that is when everything completely spiraled out of control. Back then I did not think that this was all going to end up hurting me, I was actually having fun, or so I thought. (big denial)
it helped me forget that I was alone and with no support.
I was drinking every single night until I was completely drunk I would walk home and god I know I must have been stumbling all over the side walk.
Things just got worse. I got involved with an abusive alcoholic, then left him after he beat me up pretty badly.
Then I met my current boyfriend who is also a heavy drinker.
After finding this site, I have been able to look back at what has happened in the last nine years. I am slowly putting all the pieces together and trying to move on. The last 3 years I have spent taking care of my drunk boyfriend who has only worked 4 months in the 4 years that I have known him. I am supporting him and his habit and now I'm finally at that place where I think I need to take the next step to finally heal myself. I know I have surrounded myself with misery. I have not been perfect with keeping away from the wine, but I am more conscious of my intake and I am stronger now and more able to look at my life objectively. loneliness will make you weak and being alone, makes it easier to be self abusive

[garden girl]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

sunshine girl I believe it is easier if you live alone.

Hi sunshine girl, wether we alone or live with a husband/wife/partner/children, the problem we face in trying to beat this drink problem we all have, is the same, the only person who can beat it is ourself . I am married to someone who does not hardly drink,I have two lovely girls yet I find that the hardest part to overcome on this journey is the guilt in knowing I hurt my children and my husband with my inability to sort this problem out. But I know that part of the inability is because I have to juggle maintaning a happy home, being a good mum and trying to be a good wife whilst tackling a drink problem. I would love to be in a position where I could just take myself away for a few weeks and once and for all sort this out, but I cannot because my family needs me. This brings me back to what I am trying to say which is at the end of the day we only have ourselves and this program or something similar. Use this forum and believe that with only yourself to think about you can be strong enough to beat it. Use the fact that you are on your own as as a strength compared to mums like me who cannot just focus on getting well. One way or another we can all get there.

good luck

[nancy]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

find your passion

Thanks for the book tip Bird, that looks great. I love reading and will check it out.

Yes, when you live alone and no one is watching, it is tempting to overdo it or use alcohol to deal with loneliness. But it's not just about being alone, it's about dealing with all kinds of problems with alcohol. Those who are married might have other reasons (problems in the relationship for example). Issues with being alone are bored are just our particular triggers as single people. I think it's really important to focus on the fact that alcohol does not solve these problems, just gives the illusion of solving them.

Personally, after reading posts of people whose families remind them constantly of all the horrible things they did while drunk, I am sometimes glad I went through a lot of my worst times by myself. Also, I don't think I could live with the guilt of hurting a child.

Now about time. If you start taking care of yourself, with supplements and eating right and hypno and exercise, you will find your time starts disappearing. Cooking healthy food. shopping for good foods, actually takes a lot of time, I am finding.

Also, I am now taking lessons for my favorite hobby and pasttime and passion. Boy does the practicing take a lot of time! And it's fulfilling.

Thought of taking language classes? Music lessons? tennis lessons?
whatever you fancy!

[Jacy]

Live alone-what do you do with your time?

I can only speak for myself on this topic. When I was married I limited my drinking just to please hubby the all the resenment and ander felt toward him had me drinking a lot. It turned out that the marriage was really over before it started as there were issues that were not dealt with. I actually turned to alcohol because he couldn't be bothered to spend anytime with me that is what kept me going during that time. When we finally separted for good my drinking got worse and just to make a long story short I was drinking because I was lonely and angry at him, me and the world. That has been about 9 years ago and after that an very abusive relationship with a guy who was addicted to drugs and controlling me. I haven't made a lot of my progress since then until now that I am trying. I have lived alone now for 5 years.

My point is that is didn't matter for me whether I lived with someone or not. As long as I wanted to drink I was going to. That is how selfish I had become and as long as I had no interest in quitting it wasn't going to happen. I had to want it like I do now and put forth all my effort and willpower to let it control me again.