And I think I need help...like most of you, alcohol is all around us and bad alcohol behavior is even tolerated in many instances (with the exception of harrassment in the workplace as it should be). Instead of rehashing a lot of what people have said, it amazing how similiar so many of our stories regardless of our age, background, social status, etc.
Here is what is relevant, I think, at least, and of course I will get to why I need help and how.
I am 37 years old, I live in NYC, I guess if you had to lable me it would typical, successful white collar professional. My wife left me about a year ago, we are divorced now. I'm really over the divorce, we had no kids, just grew apart. People that have gone through this know what I mean. I don't miss M, I just miss my previous life. When something like this happens, it's like someone through a monkey wrench into your life's plan....you think to yourself, "What was doing for the last 7 years?"
This didn't cause me to drink, I was not one of those people that drink to forget their sorrows, but I did fall into a severe depression, which I'm still coping with now, but I have come a long way. I am on medication 20mg of Prozac and 300 mg of Welbutrin, I think this is relevant because I believe it plays a factor into the drinking....this meds can have interesting affects with alcohol, and contrary to popular belief, while not reccommended you can drink moderately while on them.
So, I was out late with some chidlhood friends, not worth getting into much detail, I just drank more than I wanted to and stayed out later than I wanted to. I feel like a failure. I'm finding this happen more than I'd like though. I thought the up in Welbutrin would make me lose my taste for alcohol, it did last time, but it actually is expanding it a little. I met a another friend, before the two I hung out with last night, a Wall St. guy, he had like 4 kettle on the rock and I had four beers, I really wanted to have two. The first two give me a little headache, that I think is the meds, but it subsides.
I was good for awhile, I would give myself a weekday bed time, keep it only to 4 beers, maybe 5, oh this is not a daily thing, just when I'm out. Now I'm finding myself slip a little, more than I'd like.
I txt'd something a little crass to a female friend of mine where its quite apparent something emotional is starting to develop between us...it wasn't that bad, something to the affect, I wish I could drape myself over you right now...and then some random drunken non-sense about the show. I know her pretty well, I doubt she was upset. But I still apologized this moring and told her how terrible I feel about it. I haven't heard back, she's probably just busy or on a plane...I'd be shocked if this really upset her.
So, the problem. I just simply don't want to drink. I do not think I'm an alcoholic or an addict, I know addicts and see what that is like. I do stop, I just like to stop sooner.
I don't like the way I feel afterwards, the next day...I get bad anxiety, but that has been under control as of lately.
So, I simply want to stop, stop. And, I'm finding it harder than I thought.
I'm in very good shape and quite active; which believe it or not, aids in drinking...hockey teams, love to drink, runners, ironically, are something of the biggest boozers I've ever come across. We're even having our runner's club annual party tomorrow which I know will be a sh#$ show.
I don't do foolish things drinking, I just feel bad about myself the next day. I simply don't feeling like this, and I really shouldn't be drinking with the meds; moderately does not seem to be working for me.
I'm in a position of re-eveluating and renewing myself, I have a new life. My therapist strongly encourages to go out and be around people, I agree. I tend to stay in more to protect myself, from myself. To keep me away from influence. This is no way to live.
I've gone through periods of not drinking, but I need help this time. I do know my triggers, I think...old friends, sports - there's nothing like a beer after a hockey game or skiing, even running. And, the worst one, women. If I'm with a woman who is throwing them back, it's hard for me to stop; especially if I'm sure I'm closing the deal. Damn, I even did a shot last week because a young girl called me out (I don't do shots or drink hard liquor), she asked me to do one with her, I declined, so of course she had some comments so I did.
I don't to be in a situation with my life where everything I do, I have to do by myself. Sometimes I can just go out and have a few beers, like the other day watching the Rangers game, other times and late night I did not want pops up.
I'm sorry for rambling...I just don't know where to start. I'm sure I'm going to have a glass a wine tonight with my parents.
thanks for listening.
:new:
Here is what is relevant, I think, at least, and of course I will get to why I need help and how.
I am 37 years old, I live in NYC, I guess if you had to lable me it would typical, successful white collar professional. My wife left me about a year ago, we are divorced now. I'm really over the divorce, we had no kids, just grew apart. People that have gone through this know what I mean. I don't miss M, I just miss my previous life. When something like this happens, it's like someone through a monkey wrench into your life's plan....you think to yourself, "What was doing for the last 7 years?"
This didn't cause me to drink, I was not one of those people that drink to forget their sorrows, but I did fall into a severe depression, which I'm still coping with now, but I have come a long way. I am on medication 20mg of Prozac and 300 mg of Welbutrin, I think this is relevant because I believe it plays a factor into the drinking....this meds can have interesting affects with alcohol, and contrary to popular belief, while not reccommended you can drink moderately while on them.
So, I was out late with some chidlhood friends, not worth getting into much detail, I just drank more than I wanted to and stayed out later than I wanted to. I feel like a failure. I'm finding this happen more than I'd like though. I thought the up in Welbutrin would make me lose my taste for alcohol, it did last time, but it actually is expanding it a little. I met a another friend, before the two I hung out with last night, a Wall St. guy, he had like 4 kettle on the rock and I had four beers, I really wanted to have two. The first two give me a little headache, that I think is the meds, but it subsides.
I was good for awhile, I would give myself a weekday bed time, keep it only to 4 beers, maybe 5, oh this is not a daily thing, just when I'm out. Now I'm finding myself slip a little, more than I'd like.
I txt'd something a little crass to a female friend of mine where its quite apparent something emotional is starting to develop between us...it wasn't that bad, something to the affect, I wish I could drape myself over you right now...and then some random drunken non-sense about the show. I know her pretty well, I doubt she was upset. But I still apologized this moring and told her how terrible I feel about it. I haven't heard back, she's probably just busy or on a plane...I'd be shocked if this really upset her.
So, the problem. I just simply don't want to drink. I do not think I'm an alcoholic or an addict, I know addicts and see what that is like. I do stop, I just like to stop sooner.
I don't like the way I feel afterwards, the next day...I get bad anxiety, but that has been under control as of lately.
So, I simply want to stop, stop. And, I'm finding it harder than I thought.
I'm in very good shape and quite active; which believe it or not, aids in drinking...hockey teams, love to drink, runners, ironically, are something of the biggest boozers I've ever come across. We're even having our runner's club annual party tomorrow which I know will be a sh#$ show.
I don't do foolish things drinking, I just feel bad about myself the next day. I simply don't feeling like this, and I really shouldn't be drinking with the meds; moderately does not seem to be working for me.
I'm in a position of re-eveluating and renewing myself, I have a new life. My therapist strongly encourages to go out and be around people, I agree. I tend to stay in more to protect myself, from myself. To keep me away from influence. This is no way to live.
I've gone through periods of not drinking, but I need help this time. I do know my triggers, I think...old friends, sports - there's nothing like a beer after a hockey game or skiing, even running. And, the worst one, women. If I'm with a woman who is throwing them back, it's hard for me to stop; especially if I'm sure I'm closing the deal. Damn, I even did a shot last week because a young girl called me out (I don't do shots or drink hard liquor), she asked me to do one with her, I declined, so of course she had some comments so I did.
I don't to be in a situation with my life where everything I do, I have to do by myself. Sometimes I can just go out and have a few beers, like the other day watching the Rangers game, other times and late night I did not want pops up.
I'm sorry for rambling...I just don't know where to start. I'm sure I'm going to have a glass a wine tonight with my parents.
thanks for listening.
:new:
One DUI, countless "mornings after", dangerous sexual encounters, hangovers from HELL, and just general anxiety after escalating to drinking rum/diet pepsi every night.
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