I need to do this...

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Well

LibraryGirl;1299640 wrote: Hi Stewart, and welcome!:welcome: I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I also don't feel like I am an alcoholic, but drinking over the years has caused me more problems than it has given me pleasure. One DUI, countless "mornings after", dangerous sexual encounters, hangovers from HELL, and just general anxiety after escalating to drinking rum/diet pepsi every night.

I came here and quit for 39 days, and since then I have faltered on 4-5 occasions, but have not been on a bender/binge or overindulged yet. I have become yet another victim of the thinking one starts to indulge after successfully quitting AL for a period of time. That is, that it really wasn't a problem after all. So far, it hasn't been a problem (again), and I've not been craving to drink every day, but I do worry that if I continue to "allow" myself to drink on occasion, it will become daily again, and I do NOT want that.

I haven't begun counting days again yet, but I will soon. I wish you success on whatever your goals are pertaining to AL. I know it's doable, because I was able to quit, albeit for only 39 days, but that was HUGE for someone who hadn't managed a night without drinking for over 10 years.

Anyway, this thread is about you, not me, LOL. Keep posting, and I look forward to seeing you around here!

I had a nice Pm chat with one of you. The txt situation, which I know really isn't a situation with my friend was bugging me. I was schocked she didn't respond to my apology. My initial thoughts were she was confused to what I was apologizing about, it wasn't a big deal, or figured whatever, drunk stupid stuff, there was nothing mean.

I crumbled and txt'd her today, I am pretty sure I'm doing the marathon again this year, she responded back quickly very cool. We starting txting about life and business stuff, I slowly started including my flirty things like dear, and other things I say in other languages which I am not going to repeat...nothing bad or dirt, just embarassing:h

Anyway, I needed to go on a run, I was feeling lazy and like a loser, I told her this...so I said avoire and needed to go on a run, which I did....which is the real purpose of this post. Oh, she never responded back, which I know means nothing, or shouldn't. I mean its a great day out....

So, Thursday I had this party at my club to go to. I was already going into feeling in a bad mood with no intention to drink and I didn't. Oh, one of my running buddies, she convinced me to shoot 1/2 a shot of tequila with her...I was like sure, I don't like tequila, I knew it would only accomplish one thing...ensuring I don't drink, which it did. I could feel even that little bit giving me a headache with the Welbutrin. I had no urge to drink or have fun, so I just went home.

Some guys and I in the office, including bosses, decided to play hooky and go golfing, this was planned ahead of time, on Friday. I drove up there. I did drink a few beers playing golf, by choice and very slow. We had some after the round. I kept it simple because, well, I had to drive, which I was fine to do. I get back to the City and my boss invited people over. I don't plan on doing anything else that night, so I do go and hang with the guys. They're drinking intense glasses of scotch. I pass.

I do decide to drink some beers. I'm playing this little experiment with the medication and I know I'm not going anywhere else. Some of them get wrecked, one of them, against my better judgement, left stuff at my place, but insited I have him a half dozen of my Xanaxs, which I did, I know, bad. The kids in my office are already on so much crap...they all claim ADHD. Oh, my Xanax is a prescription for me, a legit one.

So, I leave my bosses, and stop by a diner to bring food home. A pretty early night. One of the idiots from my office keeps calling me, I ignore him. The young ones all went out and I wanted nothing to do with that. The phone buzzer rings, I'm say, "yes," the door man tells me x is coming up for his stuff, I'm like, Ok...I get his clubs... He's in the hallway with some skank. I'm like here you go, he's pretty bombed, well, he's better than when he left my bosses...he says, "yeah, sorry my keys are in here." I respond, "gee shocker, you can get in your place." He wants to hang though, I don't let the two of them into my place. I look at the both of them in the hallway, he says, "come on, lets hang?" I'm in my pajama pants and t shirt. I'm like, no, I want to eat my late dinner in peace and go to bed...this is the part of the story, I'm kind of dick, but do not feel bad, and alcohol has nothing to do with my response. I look at these two in my hall, this young, pretty girl, well, I didn't think she was all that, but you know what I mean...one of these girls that thinks she's all that type, my young idiot associate who's a complete moron, probably wachked on who knows what right now...oh he, has a pretty peculiar apt, which is not uncommon in nyc because the rents are so high, the place is a shit hole, and the shower is in an odd spot, lets just leave it at that...I look at her and say, "have fun, oh, by the way, this is what a real apt in NYC looks like, have fun with the shower in the kitchen."

He actually starts laughing and I shut the door on them. He actually txted me 5 mins later saying how cocky that was and how much he loved...which I know he really thinks that. I responded with something crude not worth mentioning again.

I wanted to run this morning. I got up and couldn't, I felt, well lazy. After watching a bunch of TV, and txt my friend (earlier part of the story), I said f it, if I'm really doing this (the marathon) and I got two days to decide, I need to run...its gorgeous out also.

I get a cup of coffee and walk to central park. It takes me awhile to get moving now a days, I think that's the medication, but the alcohol from the night before didn't help. Oh, I should add, I did not wake up hung over or anything. But then something happened, that hasn't happened in a long time.

I'm running around Central Park, with my ipod, at a decent pace, CP is very hilly for those who know it, know what I'm talking about. I'm feeling good though, I actually started getting running highs, I haven't experienced those in I don't know how long. I was actually enjoying myself. I knew I had some slow miles, my I knew I was running strong, and at the end of the day, the pace was very respectable, much faster than what a training run pace should be.

It was as if I felt an awakening....I can't describe it...

I have a resevervation about doing another marathon...Marathon can be a lonely thing, even if you train with a group, when it comes down to it, its you that makes it happen....while the race is exciting (training can kind of suck)...at the end of it all, and the begining, you start alone, you end alone...its a geat accomplishment, but its solo.

I guess I'm getting real tired, real quickly of doing everything alone now...

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Well

K9Lover;1300654 wrote: Hi Stewarts,
How are you doing today? Any plans for the weekend? Just wanted to check in and see how you are.
K9

I just had a long post...so that sums it up. I wanted to post one more thing...I missed the posts on the anti-anxiety meds...I can definitely give you some insight. First, they all affect people differently. It is not uncommon for you to be able to continue your normal drinking habits, if you have them, while on them, certain alcohols might affect you differently.

I was on Celexa at one time, and I noticed it increased alcohol appetite; the funny thing, as you know, you don't feel that drunk and you tend to, well, the only "drunk" person acting normal.

All Celexa did for me, in my normal everyday life was make me feel content being lazy. I was also taking 150 mg of welbutrin, which affects your dopamine, its common to give to men. I then also switch the prozac and it was much better.

I then was having some weird days and motivation problems, so the dr. suggested trying up to welbutrin to 300 mg again..and still take the prozac. I did, and noticed a huge improvement. But now, it's not that it mixes with alcohol and crazy things happen, I just don't feel right...but then again, I had nights where I wouldn't drink and find myself to lazy to run...but you all see my other post.

Drinking in moderation with meds, is different than drinking in moderation without.

[TheSunFlower]

I need to do this...

I hear you

It seems like you are just sick of feeling like crap. That is enough to quit. Its hard though....especially when you have to be in situations that require AL.

I am not on any meds any more. On Zoloft I started drinking wine......I call them my wine and Zoloft days. On Zoloft I could drink until the sun came up. I finally got off the med and I still drink....feel like crap about it in so many ways.....but, I never see the sun come up anymore...unless I am up early and not STILL up

I wish you the best. I have not done the best job at utilizing the site....and plan to use it more.

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

That's part of it...

TheSunFlower;1301577 wrote: It seems like you are just sick of feeling like crap. That is enough to quit. Its hard though....especially when you have to be in situations that require AL.

I am not on any meds any more. On Zoloft I started drinking wine......I call them my wine and Zoloft days. On Zoloft I could drink until the sun came up. I finally got off the med and I still drink....feel like crap about it in so many ways.....but, I never see the sun come up anymore...unless I am up early and not STILL up

I wish you the best. I have not done the best job at utilizing the site....and plan to use it more.

Yes, no one likes to feel like crap. Today the Welbutrin is definitely kicking in full gear, I am glad I have a hockey game tonight. I had to renew the Prozac so took it later in the day. The good news, the last thing I feel like doing is drinking.

I reached out to a friend of mine, and explained my dilemma; oh, I don't know if I mentioned, after I decided I was going to run the marathon again, which I am, I had some reservations, after my friend, the away one, that I may or may not have something with in the future, understood why I had reservations, because it is a lonely endeavor. She even mentioned that in her experience it came with blown-off committments and resentment. I have no idea what she meant, but I started uncessarily freaking out.

I even asked, "Would you resent me if I did this?" She said not at all, she respects people who can do that, just had a bad experience in the past, and she dropped it. For an unknown reason, my mind started racing and putting together these dooms day scenarios for no reason - I actually know why it happend now.

I asked another friend to meet for brunch and explained everything, someone who would be tough and laugh at me, which she did; accused me of being a girl, which I was. I did know why I started feeling this, it had to do with my wife, or ex wife I should start saying. I even tx'd my ex the night before and asked her if she resented any of my marathon seasons? She didn't txt back.

My friend pointed out, which I guess I knew, that I was making a decision based on something that hasn't happened and a woman I may or may not get into a relationship with. I was thinking that my marathon screwed up my marriage, why not any future or current relationships as well? Even I came to that conclusion.

My ex-wife eventually called me last night and said, "No, I never resented any of your marathons." It was quite the opposite. She said, "Now, if we a few kids, and you wanted me to wait and pamper you after a long run, and leave me to tend them alone, then we might have some problems" We both laughed. (We didn't have any children).

As for drinking, when I met my friend for brunch, we didn't order any drinks, even thought they came with it. I then decided to have my one, a beer, I was curious as to how I would react (the welbutrin, as I said, is really starting to get into my system). Well, one was definitely enough, I had no desire to drink at all after that.

Meds have me a little edgy today though...

Thanks for listening...not sure if this was at all relevant or not.:new:

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Follow UP

I wasn't sure which thread of mine to put this on, it could go on the business and drinking one I have as well, but I felt this one was more appropriate.

First, no, I did not do anything foolish at a business function drunk, a close friend did and I still have not got over it. Coincidentally, it is the girl I like I mentioned before, where I was worried she might have got offended by my somewhat "off" comment, that really wasn't that bad...well, I'm sure she didn't care about that as I see how she gets when she's drunk.

Before though, I have not stopped drinking, but it?s been under very good control. I still think I'd like to stop, this past conference had me popping Xanax's like crazy, even with the control I had. I even went long periods without drinking...would start much later than everyone and avoided it during the day, this conferences can become sh#4 shows.

Anyway, I mentioned this girl earlier in the thread I work with (different groups, different cities even), anyway, she's involved in running this thing and it?s a nightmare for this board, and stressful. I had no delusional of trying to make "something happen", this is a business thing, I even told her weeks before I wasn?t expecting to spend much time with her, I knew she'd be busy.

To sum it up easy, I told her about a meeting I set up there, we encourage each other... our businesses are very different, and she really doesn't understand how things operated on my end; we need to be very tactful, at times in our dealing with each other (this being one), let alone clients. Anyway, my boss calls me and tells me we're set for this meeting, but keep it quiet because there was an old single point of contact for the company that was very suspect - I know the guy quite well on it; it was suspect because it was old and the guy we met with had no idea who our firm was, there was obviously some regime changes. So my boss says, keep it on the down low.

My friend, who knows about some of my business, especially this pursuit is SMASHED! Apparently, she gets really sloppy drunk a lot, and this was one of those nights (which I think is a mistake in business). It wasn't at one of the sponsored events, a bunch of us were out somewhere, I even wasn't paying her much attention, I knew she wanted to catch up with girlfriends, etc., clients.

She then drags me over and says, "X aren't you meeting with X company here?" In front of the guy we're supposed to keep this info away from...she did not have all the facts, obviously, and in my line of work, you don?t talk about that stuff out in the open this early on in the process. So, I'm in a spot, I don't know what to do, so I played stupid, "and said what?" thinking she might catch on, and just kept looking at her confused as she spoke. I think my other colleague was kind of catching on and he said, ?X let me go get you a beer??

So, when I have her alone, before I can even explain why I did what I did, she just goes ballistic! ?You lied to me! I can?t believe you?d lie to me!? (I should probably mention she?s recently divorced, like me) Which I didn?t, as we all know, I said listen, that?s not the case, this is what is happening?but she was in her own little world and having a logical conversation with a drunk person will never get anything solved. She then said some hurtful things like, ?I learned a lot today,? I?m like what, ?we can?t share business,? she was just an all around mess; I told her we could talk about this later, let?s just have some fun, forget about business now, her response, ?I?m always about business!? Like I said she was one hot mess!

I told my boss about it, his attitude was like, she?s a frigin idiot, what the hell is she doing blabbing about this anyway, she doesn?t get our business, she?s always getting sloppy drunk now, she thinks who she is now because she?s one of the people running the conference, f her, you should?ve told her off, she?s a moron.? And that my playing dumb response was the right move.

I didn?t obviously tell her off and don?t think that would?ve been a good idea. I told my boss that I was hurt about it, he was like, ?why?? she?s the idiot, but he picked up on the reason quickly. HE said, I will say something to her, especially, about the business aspect of it?you did nothing wrong, you put in a tough spot, she did not have the facts, and she shouldn?t be blabbing about out stuff anyway! F her.

I saw her the next day, she had to moderate something, she didn?t look good. I said hi, she obliged, we talked a little, she then said, I got to get this thing going, can we catch up later..I said ok. I saw her again around lunchtime, I was talking to her and friend of hers?they were going to do their rounds, but I said, ?X, can I speak with you about something later, won?t take long, etc.? She said ok, and I could tell she knew.

We had her own party going on that night, there is obvious tension between us. In the whole realm of things, this whole situation is stupid and should not even matter at this point. I see her by the bar, ?tell he she looks nice,? she thanks me, ?I ask her if she?s ok, she?s say she?s fine, but was really taken back by last night.? I answered, well, I was also taken back as well, I was even hurt by it, she said she was as well, I asked her if we could talk now and she said, ?X, I really can?t do this with you right now.? I said ok, I understood, it probably wasn?t the right place, but we did start talking a little bit, we agreed to clear a little bit of thing, I told her she did not have all the facts, She brought up me lying to her, I told her I didn?t, I played stupid, and there was a reason for this..she started acknowledging this, even said, ?We?re fine, we?re okay? and was about to walk off, but I wanted her to be prepared if my boss says something to her.

I gave her space the rest of the night. I then saw her the next day when I?m about to leave, she made a little joke about me being not in business clothes, we chatted a little I asked if we could talk, again, she said, ?I really can?t do this with you right now.? She is busy, like I said she?s running this thing, she?s been stressed to hell. She even tells me that she?s actually over it and its not bothering her anymore? I told her I purposely gave her space, which she said she noticed and appreciated..I did get this in, ?I said listen, I don?t care about the business stuff that much, that will work itself out and I will explain it later?you know I care about you a lot, you know that, she acknowledged, I then said, which may have been a little cocky, ?you must care a lot about me too, because you wouldn?t have got that pissed.? I told her I am enjoying to get know her better and don?t want to ruin it, she acknowledged, but I could tell she had to go and still had that overstressed look on her face, I gave her a kiss on the cheek (which she wasn?t expecting) and left.

Wow, this is long and has nothing to do about me do anything stupid drinking, but someone else. Even though I didn?t do anything wrong, I still feel she is unjustifiably mad at me and it hurts. I knew I should let it rest, so I did, my one buddy, much older, said, if you want you can txt something nice to her before you leave, something light, I didn?t even want to do that. He said write something you would?ve if this didn?t happen, so I did, it went kind of like this, ?I think I pocket txt?d you, sorry! (which was tre) One day more XX (the place where this is) gets blessed with your wonderful smile. I know you?re exhausted, but we both know you?re a trooper, think of the Xplace by the sunset.?

I told my dad that, he thought it was corny and weak, the truth, it is what I would say if none of this happened. I purposely did not say speak to you soon, talk when you get back, now I think that is needy.

I just want things to go back to normal?I know women need space in situations like this, I don?t even know why I am writing this here?..I?m a hot mess and I?m sober.

[leciejo]

I need to do this...

Hi Stewarts, I am new here too and just learning my way around, but you will find all kinds of support here. I hope you keep coming back and reading and checking out the different forums.

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Thanks

leciejo;1309134 wrote: Hi Stewarts, I am new here too and just learning my way around, but you will find all kinds of support here. I hope you keep coming back and reading and checking out the different forums.

I must say, this is a first for me. I'm obviously upset for a number of reasons. I am very fond of this person, I know that we're not there yet, I also didn't have any realistic expectations that I'd ever get there, I was simply happy getting to know her and being flirty....I'm pretty sure she knew my ultimate intentions, little things from her slipped out. but I was in control of it, when I lose control of a situation, it causes me anxiety, if I feel someone is mad at me, it's even worse.

The whole irony here is I didn't even do anything wrong! Yes, I had a couple of beers, which is why when I saw she was beligerent, I just stopped. She also wanted to get away from me because in her mind "I lied to her" which I didn't. If anything, I should be pissed off and I am....which is what I meant when I said I wanted to talk to her, I hope she knows that, I hope she's not thinking about anything delusional like I wanted to take something to next step after that fiasco! I'm not even sure I'd want to at this point....

If she was willing to talk me, I would lay into her a little. This is where some people can help me out, I forgot how beligerent and wharped perception of realty bad drunks get...I know this is what it is, and perhaps she doesn't want to talk about because she knows she went overboard and doesn't want me calling her out....I did tell her you know I care about you a lot and I'm enjoying getting to know you better...

My course of action is not bring it up, unless she does. I'll bring it up if by some chance I close the deal, but there's no reason to at this point.

A lot of my colleagues and friends think I may have even dodged a bullet. I don't know. The funny thing, I was not planning on drinking during this trip because I was worried about another colleague of mine who I can't stand, I was worried about him setting me up...this is the last thing I though would happen.

Damn, for some reason, I feel evern worse than when I got divorced. I know in time these things heal and I should just lay low, especially if I'm feeling depressed like this, not good can come of it. Perhaps she will contact me when she gets back...if not, I'll try to get back into our normal routine in a few weeks and see how she responds.

I don't feel the need to drink, not at all. Its my first day back at work and I'd really just like to get to sleep again...if anything, I've been abusing Xanax a little.

As corny as this sounds, and I'm not this type of guy, I'm very skeptical of the male-female as "friends" dynamic, at this point I just want our friendship back...maybe it is still there and I'm over analyzing this...

I just don't know what goes through the mind of beligereant drunks like that, I can't remember the last time I got like that. I mean do they feel bad? Embarassed? Or are they so out of it they think they're right? I found it odd she wouldn't talk to me about it...I do kind of get it, with a work conference and all, it wouldn't have taken that long, I would've explained the situation...the only thing I did want to get across, which I did, was that I was personally upset and hurt.

I know I shouldn't dwell on this, hell, I even know what course of action to take....I just hate feeling like this...it goes away and then comes back.

Like I said, I did drink as well (not like her), maybe I'm still just jet lagged and fatigued.

I know this will sound sexist, but it is true, from my experience, when women get overly stressed out like this, which I know she was, they tend to be very hard to talk to about things like this, which in this case could be a whole bunch of things, I guess in her mind.

[LibraryGirl]

I need to do this...

Stewarts, maybe you should continue to focus on yourself and your reason for being here. Are you still interested in giving up AL? I have found that the people I wanted to impress or was interested in while I was still drinking were not people I'd still want to associate with now.

Post in the Newbie's nest and get to know everyone. We won't bite.

LG

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

I know

LibraryGirl;1309415 wrote: Stewarts, maybe you should continue to focus on yourself and your reason for being here. Are you still interested in giving up AL? I have found that the people I wanted to impress or was interested in while I was still drinking were not people I'd still want to associate with now.

Post in the Newbie's nest and get to know everyone. We won't bite.

LG

I know this is much more a psychological thing; also, a psychological thing where the person acting irrationally and unstable is not me. I just didn't know where to vent.

I spoke to my therapist today about this and she told me that I did everything perfectly. She understood that I did nothing, she also was like, "Why did she think you were lying, you weren't lying"...I think that was a projeciton of something else...having nothing to do with me and of course alcohol didn't help. I'm proud of myself that I did not disengaged contact when I realized I was not talking to a rational person, I gave the person space, I asked the person to speak about it at approriate times, she declined (which my therapist thought was weird, and even more reason why I shouldn't be beating myself up), but we were able to clear the air on somethings and left out speak later...the best thing actually is if this blows over...She even said the little note I sent when I left the destiantion was thoughtful and sweet and definitely did not come across needy; this is a time game, but library girl, yes I thought about what you said.

I know what its like to be gilted by a spouse, I can empathize, however, I can also seperate business and personal, I don't think she can. I think she is completely emotionally unstable and can't handle anything but work...but boozing that hard and work will catch up with you, and can only lead to bad things.

I guess I didn't understand why I was so sad, its not like I got completely smashed and made a fool of myself. (which is also what my therapist pointed out why she may not want to talk about it, she personally may be starting to realize she over reacted, which is actual even an understatement). My dad said it the best, "Do you really think you need a broken-hearted, unstable girl that drinks like a fish in your life?"

It's funny, one time when we met, or were talking, she actually even said, this is months ago that she didn't want me seeing her out drinking, I was like, "Why?" I'm the farthest from a saint or judgemental when it comes to alcohol or drugs, her response was, "I want you to always have a good opinion of me." I was like, why wouldn't I? I've done so much f'd up stuff messed up in my life, who hasn't...well, I think I know why now.

As for AL....I'm really not sure, right now, I don't have any desire to drink, I can tell you that. I was proud of myself that I drank responsiblity, I had a couple of women keep me a little later than i wanted to, but hey I was enjoying the company...I don't feel bad about any of it...I never felt so sad doing the right thing.

I'm traininf for another marathon...so I want to focus on that..if anything, I've been taking too many Xanax in the last couple of days.

[Struggles 106]

I need to do this...

Hey Stewarts

I think you are definitely on the right track with intentions to quit. I also think that if you don't you will see an escalation in drinking and the consequences.
As for not remembering stuff when drinking, Here is what happens physiologically: your brain cannot create and retain new memory when you are that intoxicated. Your system is too busy using the resourcees to keep you breathing and alive. Just think about that. Pretty frightening.

I wish I had quit at your age. My life would be entirely different. I am as straightforward with myself as with others and I believe that what you describe is the beginning of alcohol addiction.
I wish you well and I know how hard it can be to be "social" and not drink. For me it's nearly impossible sometimes.

I find help in reading alcoholic memoirs, seeing that other people have been through it and are sober now. MWO is a wonderful place for non-judgemental support.
Everyone here has seen and done it all so there's nothing you can say that will be shocking.
Nothing compares to being in a place where everyone knows exactly what you're talking about.

So keep coming around and stay strong!

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Thanks

Ann 221;1309855 wrote: I think you are definitely on the right track with intentions to quit. I also think that if you don't you will see an escalation in drinking and the consequences.
As for not remembering stuff when drinking, Here is what happens physiologically: your brain cannot create and retain new memory when you are that intoxicated. Your system is too busy using the resourcees to keep you breathing and alive. Just think about that. Pretty frightening.

I wish I had quit at your age. My life would be entirely different. I am as straightforward with myself as with others and I believe that what you describe is the beginning of alcohol addiction.
I wish you well and I know how hard it can be to be "social" and not drink. For me it's nearly impossible sometimes.

I find help in reading alcoholic memoirs, seeing that other people have been through it and are sober now. MWO is a wonderful place for non-judgemental support.
Everyone here has seen and done it all so there's nothing you can say that will be shocking.
Nothing compares to being in a place where everyone knows exactly what you're talking about.

So keep coming around and stay strong!

Actually, the one I leaning toward alcohol addition here is not me, its my friend. I was completely in the right, I didn't do anything stupid, I was sober when this happened....I found out later, we sort of cleared the air, but not quite, but she went to my boss like three times, "am I in trouble?" over and over, and he said, "No, you didn't know what you were talking about, and I know some things were said, but you're not in trouble...I know Stewarts was really upset by it, if anything, you owe him an apology." Which I did not get, and don't expect.

I now know when she was still acting weird now, she must be embarrassed to hell...she made a complete idiot out of herself.... so, you kind of missed the point...I did everything absolutely correctly, I confirmed this with a DR. even...my friend was the AL idiot here...its just amazing I am the one that still feels bad about the whole thing....I should actually be really pissed off out her, if anything...

[Struggles 106]

I need to do this...

Hey Stewarts

I'm sorry; when I responded to you it was not about the incident with the woman you have discussed. You clearly are a smart guy, but don't kid yourself. The energy you have expended just writing about drinking, added to time spent concerned about drinking says something.

I still believe that you are me some years ago. I did not really have a place like this, or anyone to day "hey you're screwing up." I knew it; I just didn't do anything about it.

As for the scenario with the woman you mentioned-I would agree with your father. Why WOULD you want to be around an unstable heavy drinker? It's hard enough to keep your own shit together without dealing with all that drama.

I'm not being judgemental, please don't misunderstand. You can be selfish now. You can concentrate on YOU. I used to run marathons as well and now I settle for 5Ks. I know what you're saying about the grind of training.

I loved the story about the people at your door and you closed that door. If you decide to stp drinking there will probably be a lot of those situations for a while. People just expect you to be the old you, and when the dynamics change people get uncomfortable.

I hope I have not offended you and I wish you all the best.

[K9Lover]

I need to do this...

Hi Stewarts,

I have read all of your posts, and I am unclear as to whether YOU are trying to quit or cut down on alcohol, or if you feel the people around you need to be doing that? Sorry if I seem confused, it wouldn't be the first time! LOL

I hope you are doing well and have a good weekend.

K9

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Of Course not

Ann 221;1310402 wrote: I'm sorry; when I responded to you it was not about the incident with the woman you have discussed. You clearly are a smart guy, but don't kid yourself. The energy you have expended just writing about drinking, added to time spent concerned about drinking says something.

I still believe that you are me some years ago. I did not really have a place like this, or anyone to day "hey you're screwing up." I knew it; I just didn't do anything about it.

As for the scenario with the woman you mentioned-I would agree with your father. Why WOULD you want to be around an unstable heavy drinker? It's hard enough to keep your own shit together without dealing with all that drama.

I'm not being judgemental, please don't misunderstand. You can be selfish now. You can concentrate on YOU. I used to run marathons as well and now I settle for 5Ks. I know what you're saying about the grind of training.

I loved the story about the people at your door and you closed that door. If you decide to stp drinking there will probably be a lot of those situations for a while. People just expect you to be the old you, and when the dynamics change people get uncomfortable.

I hope I have not offended you and I wish you all the best.

Oh, I'm not offended at all. I was drinking at this thing, just not like a moron. I just don't understand why I feel like such shit, about something someone do to me....I think it was even clear to her that I wasn't mad at her...I also think it was clear that she definitely misinterprated anything...and that's being kind...If she didn't get that from me, my boss saying, "Hey Stewarts is guy in the industry, that cares about his reputation and stuff was said, if anything you owe him an apology" have made it sink in. She went absolutely crazy for no reason and had not logical explanation for it...I think she was projecting and alcohol doesn't help...for whatever reason, as illogical as it is, she thought "I lied" (?!?!?) a lie is a betrayal...both of us where betrayed in the worst way in the way our respective ex-spouses left us. I think she saw a guy she was starting to trust and because of AL stupidity, projecting that on me...in a very irrational out of control way, which I don't think she realizes.

I just don't understand why I feel like the bad guy here...when everyone, from my boss, people there, a Dr., my parents, that did absolutely nothing wrong (which I didn't) and actually, reacting perfectly considering how the situation unfolded.

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Good Question

K9Lover;1310408 wrote: Hi Stewarts,

I have read all of your posts, and I am unclear as to whether YOU are trying to quit or cut down on alcohol, or if you feel the people around you need to be doing that? Sorry if I seem confused, it wouldn't be the first time! LOL

I hope you are doing well and have a good weekend.

K9

I'm actually not sure...definitely cut down, which I have considerably, but have contemplated cutting it out all together...I think that's my ultimate goal. I know some friends want to meet after work...I have no desire to drink...will have a beer, maybe, but doubtful considering the Xanax's I've been taking.