I need to do this...

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Also...I guess

I think the reason I brought this whole thing up is, I'm still confused why she's shutting me out...I mean it is clear I did not "lie" to her...when I told my therapist the story, who knows nothing about the business, even she was like, how's it that lying?

I think I also made it very clear that I was upset, but was not mad at her, per say, I simply wanted to clear the air...I mean saying I care about you, and simply wanting to move on, I don't know how more simple that gets. It's almost as if she's punishing me (?!?!)

Since I know there are some women on here that have gone through AL issues, I was wondering perhaps if you could shed a light on what she's thinking, maybe...

she screws up, I'm even being open-minded and nice about it, I'm not getting agry in her face or anything, actually the exact opposite, but somehow I feel like the bad guy which makes absolutely no sense....I'm actually trying to clear the air, and in a comforting way, and she's being resistant. I mean, I don't understand how one drunken incident would make someone not talk to me again, when I was the one who's, for lack of better word, the victim here and not the victimizer and is willing to be cool about it....

I don't understand the logic...

[LibraryGirl]

I need to do this...

Maybe this is not the site you need to ask these questions Stewarts. I am finding it hard to understand exactly what you want help with. In the beginning you were clear that you had a problem with AL and wanted to cut down or stop. Now you seem to be wanting advice about a potential relationship? Pardon me if I have missed something here.

P.S. As for the woman in question, I don't think the fact that some of us are women and have used AL too is going to clue us in on a stranger and her relationship with you, lol. Men! LOL, they think we are all the same. If I had to make a guess, I'd say she just isn't interested. If I were you, I'd back off and let it go completely. If she talks to you act like nothing ever happened, UNLESS she brings it up. Otherwise you are beating a dead horse to death, to be redundant, lol. Sorry if this sounds harsh, buddy, but obsessing over every little thing with this woman is not going to help you understand anything, IMO.

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

LibraryGirl;1310621 wrote: Maybe this is not the site you need to ask these questions Stewarts. I am finding it hard to understand exactly what you want help with. In the beginning you were clear that you had a problem with AL and wanted to cut down or stop. Now you seem to be wanting advice about a potential relationship? Pardon me if I have missed something here.

P.S. As for the woman in question, I don't think the fact that some of us are women and have used AL too is going to clue us in on a stranger and her relationship with you, lol. Men! LOL, they think we are all the same. If I had to make a guess, I'd say she just isn't interested. If I were you, I'd back off and let it go completely. If she talks to you act like nothing ever happened, UNLESS she brings it up. Otherwise you are beating a dead horse to death, to be redundant, lol. Sorry if this sounds harsh, buddy, but obsessing over every little thing with this woman is not going to help you understand anything, IMO.

I think you're right. As for her not being "interested", that's not even the issue, we were tight as friends before this, and she'd contact me just as much as I'd contact her, sometimes even more...anyway, you're right, its the wrong forum.

I brought it up because it was just something that recently happened that I never experienced before. Most people I know, that know us both, say she probably feels like an idiot and is embarrassed. And yes, I don't plan on bringing it up unless she does, the thing is I reallyt don't care about the incident, its all so stupid...before I left, my buddy asked me what would you do if this did not happen and were about to leave? I said, "I'd write something somewhat corny flattering (we would do this type of stuff) and supportive, since I know she's stressed with this whole thing (the conference)." I then would add see X. So, I did, leaving out the see you X...I'd said something like X(the place we were at) gets blessed with your smile one more day, I know your stressed, its one more day, think of the sunset at X (a common place we know)"

But Library Girl, you're right, I don't want to bring it up, like I said, I just want things to go back to normal....damn, at this point I just want to reground the friendship, there's no reason we shouldn't be...my game plan is to lay low, if I don't hear from her in a week or two, I'll contact her in the normal stupid way we chat and see how she responds. You're right, she may simply want to forget about the whole thing and move on, and hope I move on, to get things back the way they were as well.

I just can't believe how crappy I feel about this and ironically, I didn't do anything wrong. Damn, I've been more messed up about this then my divorce, in some ways....you're right this is the wrong place...I wanted to discuss my habits, and now I got into talking about a friends...I just got so blind-sided.

sorry

[Stewarts]

I need to do this...

Checkin in

I thought I'd check in, since all of you were so supportive and understanding. As for drinking, I don't want to say I fell off the wagon, that's too drastic, but I have been a little more than I would like, I think I understand why, and some of it is connected to that story between my friend and I, I'm sure you were all bored with...but this does pertain to drinking and why I break my own "rules" I think I know now.

First, I am training for another marathon, a "god-like" complex does come with that, especially if done them before, you pretty much think you can do anything and may get a little reckless, believe it or not. Some of the biggest drinkers I know are runners, ironically.

I went on a run last night and then to my club. Running is the only time I feel empowered now, since I'm not playing a summer hockey season (I'm too old to play a hockey season and do a marathon season - its also not good cross training, well the hockey isn't good for marathon training, but the marathon training is good for hockey).

The shoes I had on were shot, so I wasn't feeling too well running, plus I ran hills the previous day. I broke away from the group and did my own thing. I did get to think a little, then I went to bar at the club to watch the Rangers game, and a lot of things starting making sense to me, having a few beers, of course. It was nothing crazy, a female friend met me after the run, to watch the game, have a few beers, we were then "harrassed" not really, this guy is harmless, but this guy, who never remembers meeting me, but gets smashed on white wine all the time, a plastic surgeon, his actually a nice guy, but I don't think I ever seen him sober.

Anyway, the story with my friend came up, the plastic surgeon is so drunk, trying to buy us drinks we don't want, but this older female friend of mine keeps asking me about it (there is a point). I told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore...she pointed out the obvious, which everyone I know has pointed out...you didn't do anything, you should be proud of yourself, it sounds like you like her, she probably likes you to have such a violent reacion (as messed up as that is). So, I only have two beers here and then my good friend and his wife txt me that they are somewhere in our neighborhood to watch the game...so, I leave and meet them...this is when the real drinking starts.

First, again, I bring this story up to my buddy's wife, who knows a little of the history, of course she has the same conclusions as everyone else. Oh, this is an old friend of mine, so we've been drinking together since teenagers. His wife leaves us, we drink a whole lot more...we're having a good time, nothing wrong with that...I bring the story up to him, I told him I asked his wife about it...I don't remember his conclusions, but I'm sure they were the same, all I do remember is him saying, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, that must really suck" (still does). So we stay longer than we should, I even stop by one more place before I go home, somewhere I would usually watch the game. I eventually hit a diner for a grilled cheese and go home.

Good news, bad news, yes, I'm a little hung over, but at least there is no anxiety. I feel like I'll have a wasted day, but I'm not stressing it, I'm trying to figure out, well, why I stayed out so late and was irresponsible. It's quite simple...I'm lonely. Being with my friend, well, obviously made me feel good...too good. (actually, I had to take a little break from this to do some work, anxiety is starting to kick in a little).

As for my friend, who obviously has a drinking problem much worse than mine, even outside the obvious crush I have on her, we both projected our own lonliness on each other, which I don't think was such a bad thing, it's obviously what bound us tighter, despite living in two different places - we both went through same heartbreaking situation with our ex-spouses. It's messed up, I'd be txting with her more than women I'm or was dating...she'd even tell me when she'd be international and we wouldn't have access to each other....I'm getting off track a little...

Point, I'm not one of those people that goes home and cracks open a beer or open a bottle of wine. Any alcohol I have in my place is all hard alcohol which I don't drink, for guests. For me, it always was social thing, but I think the barriers are starting to cross.....I can't live a balanced social life, its like all or nothing. I think my friend and I are at the opposite ends of the whole post-divorce process...I actually want new, real social relationships (not necessarily girlfriends, I have no problem getting laid, and I live in NYC, it's not about that). I don't think she can handle or is ready for any personal relationship of any kind with anyone....which puts her in a situation where things are always about "work" and she mixes the social and professional in the worst possible ways, with alcohol, which we all know leasds to disaster in the end.

Now, your all going to say this is about you, screw this stupid person...you're right...but I do care about her, even simply as a friend, and it did affect some of my recent behaviour; because our bound was severed, even if only temporary (hopefully).... it only added to my current state of lonliness....probably why I was abusing the Xanax over the past week (which I left home today, thankfully).

It's kind of like starving yourself....your so used to being by yourself, that when you do see your friends, people you like, or watching a game with people, even random people, it's like stuffing your face because your starved...in this case starved for social interaction.

I could just be melancholic and melodramatic as being a bit hungover, but its how I feel...if you read this, thank you, if your cursed me, I understand. :-)

Yes, putting on a good pair of running shoes, runnig through Central Park, like you can conquer the world is empowering....it can also be very lonely...

(wow, I really wish I had nothing to do today...)

Oh, not sure why I am thinking about this, but I was just thinking about how look at myself in the mirror...an odd thought...so here we go....

I'm in good shape, not like super jacked, simple medium toned; as a female friend of mine told me, I look "normal" when it comes to body. I actually get more concerned with weight, than muscle, which I guess kind of makes me like a girl :-)

So, I have dark hair, since I've been in the sun, my olive skin is now tan...I have dark brown eyes, which I've often been complimented on, which I completely don't understand, my ex-wife even liked them..I guess I would be considered a good looking guy, but I'm not winning any Mr. Universe contests nor is Ambercrombi & Finch calling me to be in any ads :-)

My hair, I pretty much comb like Don Draper (Jon Hamm has more hair in the front then me, but I have enough); I even use brylcream which I know is unusual for someone in their mid 30's...

So, every day I look in the mirror, getting ready for work, this is what I see, and all I can think of is how great it would be, or feel, if everything just ended...I'm not talking about killing myself, I mean, something like getting hit by a bus and dying instantly....wow, I need to stop writing this crap.