Pointless to Post on Facebook

[Rainyday]

I've been reading to quite a few threads on here today, even responded to a few. I found this website about 3 years ago under the name HereNow. Doesn't look like I ever posted anything under HereNow, but do remember a few of the names of those that regularly post now. I bought tons of books during that time that would "cure" me of my problem. Three years later... still the same, only now I drink a half a 750ml bottle every night and don't remember falling asleep. Don't feel hung over anymore. My body is too used to the alchohol.

Anyway - I just went to check my Facebook page; received a response to one of my "small talk" posts to a woman I barely know, but who's kid is in my kid's class. She's a Mennonite (it's a Christian school) and I'm a non-denominational Christian- not that THAT matters except to say that she is trully in her faith as most others in the school are, and I would be trully into mine if it weren't for the alcholism.

Anyway - everything I post on Facebook is surface material. I responded to her that "mutts are the best kind of dogs" and she "liked" my comment and there it ended.

I used to be in a Bible study group and everyone had issues (financial, kids, siblings) to discuss. I had none. What could I discuss to this kind of group? That I'm an alcoholic? No way. They might pray over me, but my reputation would be severely lowered, and I would just get sympathetic looks... like I really am not one of theirs as they probably thought anyway since I didn't ever say much. Or... since we all lived in the same development that they would heistate to send their kids to our house because of my problem. I have a husband who has a problem too, and the small town we live in is already starting to get that idea as he goes to the local store or borough-run events (he's a Borough Council Member) with the smell of whiskey on his breath. He just got a new job and the smell of booze must have stayed with him during his sleep because the next morning at work his boss told him he smelled booz. REALITY CHECK!

Anyway - don't know where I was going with this except that I'm tired of the surface talks and tired of not being the person I say I am. I'm tired of not having friends live close by who understand me.

I started drinking when I was 15. LOVED it. Snuck Gin from the family I was living with and drank it straight. Food always tasted better with booze. Even to this day my husband and I don't eat dinner with the kids at 6:00. We want that "drunk-on" feeling and then we gorge ourselves when the kids go to bed (and don't remember eating that Taco or Indian Food or Stiryfry - all foods we love)

The girls are getting older... they've seen some scary stuff that at age 7 and 6 (son is 2) they laugh because "Last night Mommy fell asleep on the floor right when we were in the middle of a game of Sorry" or "Mommy was so tired last night she fell".

Things have to stop.

I recently found and listened to a voicemail on my cell phone. Must have accidently recorded my husband and I in the middle of a night-time fight. I couldn't make sense of most of the message.. just me crying and saying "Something has to be done" and my husband saying "about what?" clearly as drunk as I was.

Yeah... about what? He wants to stop. I want to stop. My kids need us to stop. My parents thought we stopped (with doubts).

OK - the blabbing will end now. Talking more to myself than anyone else.:bigcry:

[KittyKatLost]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Gosh I hate facebook, everytime I think about it , It reminds me of all the people who wrote bad stuff about me and the stuff I wrote back even at 37 years of age. I took my account off one day and never went back on, most of the time I used it I was drunk.

[SAUSAGE]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Hi Rainyday
I was a daily drinker until recently and can really relate to your story - I have a 7 year old and a 6 year old and would drink every night after they have gone to bed. More recently I started drinking earlier and earlier, even when they were doing their homework - the 7 year old would comment. She was aware of it now, whereas she wasn't when she was only 4 when I tried to quit 3 years ago

57 days ago I decided this had to stop. It's not been easy but this site is amazing and with the support of everyone I'm now on day 57 AF. I generally post on Newbies Nest in the Just Starting Out section, and also the AF daily in general abstinence. Check out the tool box in this section, it is vey helpful and will get you started.

Look forward to seeing you around.

[Rainyday]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

[QUOTE=SAUSAGE;1300778]I have a 7 year old and a 6 year old and would drink every night after they have gone to bed. More recently I started drinking earlier and earlier, even when they were doing their homework - the 7 year old would comment. She was aware of it now, whereas she wasn't when she was only 4 when I tried to quit 3 years ago QUOTE]

Wow - we're on that same page, only you're 57 days! Great Job!

[SAUSAGE]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Click on my name, read my posts, follow my journey - you can do it too.

[Lavande]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Hi Rainyday,

Welcome to MWO, this is a good place
You joined MWO as HereNow a few months after I joined, wish you had stayed with us. The tremendous community support I received here helped me so much! It can help you too but you have to stick around

Please jump into the Newbies Nest thread where lots of people are just getting started.
If you haven't already, download the MWO book from the Health store here on the website. That's what I did to get started. Take a look at the Hypno CDs too, I highly recommend them. They helped me to change my thinking about AL & learn to relax (without AL on board). In a way you are fortunate to have your husband wanting to quit drinking too. Real life support would have been nice

A strong desire to quit, a real commitment & a solid plan will help you both reach your goals! Here's a link to the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html. Use the great ideas in there to help you put your plan together.

Wishing you the best!

Lav

[LibraryGirl]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Hi Rainyday. I can really relate to your story. Although I am childless I was also in the same mess, and my husband was right along with me. 1/2 a 750 ml was exactly where I was too...spiced rum for me/us. Most mornings I would pull it out from under the cabinet to see how much I drank and was proud if I didn't go over the 1/2 mark...this is after I started drinking alone, after ex and I separated. Together we usually polished off a bottle a night.

I know the feeling of being a fake, and the posts on FB that don't really reveal how messed up we actually feel. Except for the drunk ones that are confusing to our FB friends/family (or they DO know we're a drunk). The endless depressing cycle, the hateful mornings...ugh.

I quit in Feb and stayed completely AF for 39 days. Since then I have drank on 4 occasions, and not to excess, but I do not advocate modding. It has worked for me thus far, but I know how close I am to going right back to where I was. I haven't drank but once this week, and I am not drinking tonight. I will probably go completely AF again very soon, because I do not want to jeopardize my initial success.

All this rambling is meant to give you a little hope. It can be done, and there are lots here to prove it. Keep posting and trying doing it ODAAT. Setting goals is very helpful too.

:welcome:

[Trixiebelle]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

So many people here with the same story - Me too.

I bought the MWO book years ago, but never bought the CD's - I use Holosync - does anyone know how they differ for relaxation?

Also living in Aus, the vitamins get pretty expensive coming from the US - anyone bought anything similar in Australia? Perhaps time to stop looking at the dollar value and focus on the real value.

[K9Lover]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Hi Rainy,
Two things:
1) I hate Facebook; and
2) I thought I was being sneaky with my drinking, until my daughter wrote me a tear-filled letter telling me how she hated how much I drank and that she was afraid I was going to die.

Kids are aware of MUCH more than we think (or want to think) they are. I got sober for her, but I stay sober for me (which means us). You can do this too. Keep us posted on your progress!

K9

[Rainyday]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Thanks everyone for their posts. I finished the My Way Out book in two days (just yesterday). Been taking vitamins and not drinking near as much, which my husband noticed. I think the Holy Basil is helping me (recommnended by Prairie Fairie I believe). It's for Sugar and Fat Metabolism, so I think it may be helping me with "sugar/alcohol" cravings. Past two days I listened to a hypno CD (not MWOs) and haven't really thought about alcohol like I did before. Incredible. I am thinking this is going to be MWO as I really want it this time. Summer is coming and I want to enjoy Ice Tea and Lemonade and Awareness of my surroundings! I will read all that has been suggested. Thank you!

[Arial]

Pointless to Post on Facebook

Welcome Rainyday - you're in the right place and you seem already to be off to a good start - well done on makiing this first move towards a new life. I was 'lucky' with my girls in that my ex drank more than me and was more obviously drunk so by comparison I didn't have a problem - unfortunately this gave me an excuse to keep drinking. I so regret what the girls grew up with - and the clock doesn't go backwards...

At least here you can be honest and open - sometimess putting it all in words helps clarify the situation, and the support is amazing. So look forward to seeing you around hopefully.