Wen and Max;
No one here judges you so when you fall (as we all do sometimes) just post and let your feelings out. We are all here to support you through this incredibly difficult journey.
Have you tried the thread about what other people are reading? Sometimes reading can help me to not drink (or not to drink so much). It changes the routine so that I'm not just sitting in front of the TV getting smashed. Some good suggestions for books on ALL sorts of topics.
Best of luck to you both. I hope to hear from both of you again soon.
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