Do I have some kind of death wish?

[Guitarista]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

patricia;1302538 wrote:

I knew that as each hour passed I was turning a corner.

Nelz;1302541 wrote: Once you start adding up days, you have a reason to continue...you are breeding success, and not failure.

Hi Halo,

I like what Patricia and Nelz say here.

You will have to be firm with yourself, and have a take no prisoners attitude this week.

Show no mercy, use any anger /frustration as a positive energy, and kick some arse.

G-bloke.

[Supercrew]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

I truly felt when I was at my worst I had a death wish...I mean I never really wanted to die, but to continue wrecking myself over and over, and I almost took pride in my ability to withstand the pain and go back to my master alcohol over and over. I was a masochist, and there was a strange pleasure I got from punishing my body.

[Struggles 106]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Hey BH

Just catching up on reading posts, and I wanted to say I hope you're OK today, and hang in there! Stay strong! Seems like a death wish on some level though doesn't it?
It's amazing how self-destructive we can be!
You are just like the rest of us-simply unable to drink and not have terrible consequences.
Once it's accepted as a fact it gets easier.

Take care

[broken halo]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Thank you so much for so many wonderful posts. You guys are amazing and give me such hope.

Kicking arse is what I will be doing. I am going back to the gym tomorrow, I have had no cigarettes either I never would have smoked if I hadn't been drinking. Making the changes starting today.

I had a wee wobble at work and thought about taking a break to drive to the shop (as I have done so many times before, the thought of there being no AL to go home to used to freak me out sometimes) but it only lasted a second. I just kept busy.

I am going to bed sober tonight, and I am pretty tired too, so hopefully will get some sleep.

Well done to all of you, thank you for all the wonderful support and understanding.

No shakes tomorrow, woohoo! :h

[FreeFly]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Hello Broken,

I remember you coming out of the dark last time and just how great you felt AF Forget the slip - take it as a reminder. You'll be shining once again very soon :l

FF

[LibraryGirl]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

K9Lover;1302639 wrote: Hi BH -
I just wanted to chime in and say that I am here to support you also. I know where you are coming from, I wondered daily WHY I was doing this to myself...and I could never come up with an answer. Rock bottom for me wasn't 2 DUI's or all the embarrassing crap that I did while drunk. It was one morning where I'd called in sick (again) and laid in my bed crying with sooo much anxiety, I just knew right then and there that I was DONE. NO MORE. Tomorrow is day 120 for me (not my first quit, but my longest, and last).
Please hang in there and know that you CAN do this. We are here to help you any way we can so please keep posting. I'll be sending you positive thoughts and strength!
K9

This sounds exactly like me, K9. Why didn't I know your story?

BH, it sounds like you have picked yourself up, dusted off and got back in the game.:goodjob:

[K9Lover]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Hi LG!

I don't mean to hijack BH's thread, but what she said struck a chord with me. You'd think my "bottom" would have been something more drastic (i.e. DUI's, JAIL, handcuffs, fines, etc., etc) but it wasn't. My anxiety "that" day felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. I just couldn't take it...my mind would not shut off. I was hungover and SO tired but couldn't sleep. I swore that would be the last day I called in due to a hangover, and it was. I guess mentally I was FINALLY done. I couldn't fathom living like that anymore, for that was not really living.

BH - I give you huge kudos for quitting smoking, I am STILL working on that one. Down to 6 ciggies per day...but ready to be done! I admire (and question HOW) people quit smoking before drinking...I guess we're all different!

Here's to no more days laying in bed anxiety-ridden (just laying in bed being lazy is OK)! LOL

xoxo
K9

[LillyE]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Hey K9,

Re the quitting smoking before quitting drinking... I avoided booze a bit when I first quit but not for very long. Buuuuttt when I started my drinking - already fairly heavy - really ratcheted up a notch! It's like the one addiction rushed in to take the place of the other. It's actually what got me to the point of finally addressing my drinking even though I'd been drinking pretty heavily for years - but was functional 'enough' and therefore in denial about it - my anxiety and depression got so bad.

So, quitting smoking before drinking can be done but for me it wasn't good. But we're all different. Go you on the quitting the fags. I tried for 11 months - never going more than 3 weeks - before I found the final quit, which was similar to what you describe above, just couldn't take my misery over smoking anymore. It's been a year now and I'm soooooo happy I've quit.

If you need a support buddy for that in the Nest I'm here!!

Lilly

[LillyE]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Hey K9, I also commented in Broken Halos thread on your comments re quitting drinking. But if you need a quit buddy for that here I'm here (see my sig!). These sites really helped me too:

quitsmoking.about.com and whyquit.com

[lifechange]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

hey Broken Halo,
you're sounding strong and i'm very happy you started this thread.
i can relate to so much written here and it helps me to deal with my struggling.
your plan to start exercising sounds good.
waking up hang over and dread free is a huge reward, isn't it? if i could just not forget how good that feels i'd be set.

[broken halo]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

lifechange;1304296 wrote: hey Broken Halo,
you're sounding strong and i'm very happy you started this thread.
i can relate to so much written here and it helps me to deal with my struggling.
your plan to start exercising sounds good.
waking up hang over and dread free is a huge reward, isn't it? if i could just not forget how good that feels i'd be set.

Hi lifechange and everyone else. Day 3 is done and dusted. I went to the gym yesterday, not the best workout I've ever had, but it felt good. Work has been hectic and I found out on Monday that I have been promoted, who'd believe it? I feel a lot better. I've had a bit of an upset tummy today and my dreams have been kind of strange, but other than that I feel ok. In my weaker moments I think of all that you all have shared with me and all that I have to be thankful for. The ciggies I am not missing at all, I really hate them, addict or no. I use my nic inhalator on occasion, out of habit more than anything. (That 'habit' word grrr)

Lifechange, waking up hangover and dread free, even if a little groggy, truly is a wonderful reward. I don't know if you exercise. In my 'real' life I go to the gym and run as much as I can. Even on day three, I feel a world away from the wreck I was on Sunday. I know I have said it before, but I cling to the posts from above that tell me how the more you try, the more likely you are to succeed.

Good luck lifechange, let me know how you get on. And all of you wonderful people, too many to mention, thank you so much. I'll post as often as I can here, don't have the time to visit many threads. In my 'real' life I am so busy!

(I am going to drop into yours, Mr G, when I get a chance!)

Love to you all. :h

[Unwasted]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

BH, so glad to hear you're doing well. And congrats on the promotion!

[LibraryGirl]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Kudos on your promotion BH!:goodjob: Also, I look up to you for quitting smoking. That is a demon I've yet to wrestle. I just wish I wanted to quit as bad as I NEED to quit. My quote below applies to me as much as anyone I know.

[Unwasted]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

LG I used to smoke and quit using patches and gum. The problem with your quote as it pertains to smoking is that smoking is such a silent killer......by the time you experience a lot of the physical downside like emphysema it's too late. Sure hope you can quit. :lilheart:

[K9Lover]

Do I have some kind of death wish?

Hi BH -

You're sounding much better! Good job exercising too, I have recently started AGAIN, I hope to hang in there longer this time! I am only doing the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD, I let my gym membership go because I never went. I do miss the sauna and steam room though!!!

I need to jump on this quit-smoking bandwagon, I keep bringing it up to my Doctor and she keeps telling me not to worry about it "yet"...I think she's trying to get me SECURE in my sobriety before we tackle yet another issue of mine. LOL I see her a week from Friday, and I think I'll be on day 130 then...maybe she'll say I'm ready?? Of course, I could just quit on my own, but I've never succeeded that way, I'm reaching out for help this time!

Everybody have a good day and stay strong!

K9