Had nearly 60 days AF and fell flat on my face again! I just sometimes wonder what to do and how I will ever get it threw my head I CAN'T DRINK! I am soo upset and feel like gargage right now I can barely stand it. One way or another this whole thing needs to come to a end. This constant starting and stopping is wearing me down and the depression and anxiety over it is killing me and sucking the life out of me. Well what to do?? I guess it's time to just start over and work on day one again. This damn curse of AL and why can't I use my brain to realize this is absolutely no good at all for me. Sorry for the rant!! I just had to let it out of me.
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You've done well - I'm back on day 1 as well after drinking bottle of wine Tuesday night and Wednesday night. Am stopping now before all the horrible side effects start. Easy to say in the morning harder as the evening kicks in but we can this. Hang on in there and stick like super glue to these boards. PxShort term goal 7 days AF -
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Sorry meant to say We can do this - I'm rubbish typing on iPhone but it's more private
Short term goal 7 days AFComment
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Finallydone,
I've just read your story which is amazing and I wish I'd read it before posting. So sorry, but wish you all the luck in the world - you sound like an amazingly strong, sensible and resilient person who truly derserves to succeed. PxShort term goal 7 days AFComment
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Thank you patricia! I can't sleep at all tonight! It's almost 3am in the morning here and I going threw some tough anxiety right now. Boy does it ever make me realize to finally be done with drinking! congrats patricia on day one. And YES we can do this!!Started living again 2/7/2015Comment
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Well said and soo true!!:thanks:mollyka;1304705 wrote: Hey Finally Done and Patricia. Look at least you ARE on Day 1 - you could be still falling into the bottle. Personally I found the whole stop starting thing even more damaging than just the daily drinking (not recommending that either mind!!!) - it absolutely wrecked my head -- my body was better as I did have long gaps between bouts, but I was an emotional and mental wreck -- it is underestimated here imo how damaging on-off drinking is for a problem drinker. I wish I'd known that -- I thought having a few months sober was brilliant -- so off I'd go again --- very very damaging. So good on you being back -- get the first few days behind you and you'll be back feeling great again - and with more awareness of how bad the relapse made you feel
Molly xStarted living again 2/7/2015Comment
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Soo true again mollyka!! I am staying postive that in a few days i will be feeling good again! And than this is where the real work begins!mollyka;1304706 wrote: Xpost there FinallyD --- the anxiety will also go after the first week - and yes, it IS horrible and ya don't feel as if it's ever going to lift --- but it does, and that feels so empowering - until it does I'm afraid there's an element of white-knuckling it:l Oh and great job on your sober time! That is awesome!:goodjob:
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Go Easy on Yourself :-)
Hello you...
I am new here but if you only got drunk once ever few months (So half a dozen times a year) you wouldn't need to be here...
"Normal" people get drunk and make total idiots of them self a hell of a lot more than that..
Don't try to be PERFECT because no one is..
You are awesome for doing 2 months Sober, a little bump in the road surely can't stop where you want to go!
Get on with it :-)Comment
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finallydone,
Sorry about your fall but glad to see you right back here & posting!
Take care of yourself today, you will feel better soon enough.
The disappointing myself over & over again (years worth) finally wore me out too. When I accepted the fact that I just cannot drink AL, everything became much easier. I stopped fighting with myself & accepted that drinking is no longer an option for me.
Just keep trying, adjust your plan as needed & move forward
You have lots of support here!!!!
LavAF since 03/26/09
NF since 05/19/09
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You are all brilliant - thank you for all your encouragement and thoughts. And FD - sorry you can't sleep - its horrible but I always find that without the AL even the sleepless nights seem bearable. I'm sticking like glue to these boards today and probably for the next few . . . . . . I am sending you so many good wishes and good thoughts for your success. PxShort term goal 7 days AFComment
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I talked to a good friend recently concerning my alcohol abuse and she assured me regression is part of it. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You still have those 60 days and no one can take them away from you! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on track! You aren't the first person to do this nor the last!Comment
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Hi FD!
I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you are. Sorry you fell back into the AL trap, but you are pulling yourself right back out. I was looking at my calendar for last year, and I noticed that I'd go 2-3 weeks then drink 3-4 days. Thinking back, that cycle was pure HELL...I don't know what I was doing or thinking or going through, but I was definitely dragging it out and making it harder on myself. Not drinking at all is so much easier. I know you know this. Don't be too hard on yourself, but don't stagnate either...get moving on your plan and remember how much you HATE alcohol and all of it's side-effects. I'm so glad you're back. Now glue your butt to these threads and don't go wandering off! LOL
K9:heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:
Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.Comment
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Totally agree with the others. AL is a shitty and unfair opponent. How can it make us do what we KNOW is killing us? How the hell does it have such almighty power over us? What are we doing to ourselves and why are we self destructing? The only answer I have is that this is addiction at its finest. I wish I could say that everything will be ok....but wait a minute...I CAN say that!!! Here is the good news! You are now armed with the gift of hindsight! This Day 1 is going to be the start of something good. I know you feel like crap now, but on Monday morning as you check back in with 4 days under your belt...you are going to be right as rain. Stay close with us...why do you think I've hung around for 2 years plus?? You can do this, get off the hamster wheel (thanks Lola) and enjoy the peace of mind and simplicity that being AF brings. The whole thing is just exhausting, isn't it? Hunker down, and let's get going! ByrdieComment
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Thank you everyone! I know I have to stop beating myself up over this. It was a mistake and time to move on! I so admire and love all the support. There is soo much I want to say but right now I am just trying to get my head around all of this. This road feels soo lonely at times, but I know I am not alone and that all I have to do is reach out to my friends here to get support and encouragment. This place is a blessing!!
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Hello Finally!
Just like I think 99.9999% of everyone here I can relate exactly to how you feel. I also made it to almost 60 days and relapsed for a weekend and really beat myself up about it. I am now back to day 18 and trying just to embrace the days I have and learn as Lav and Byrd and many others here have that the only way to be is AF forever. We can get there - and you're right you are not alone by any means! :l:hComment
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