Oh, the dumbness of it all.

[Daya]

I wonder sometimes what the lure of alcohol is for me...I actually don't like the taste, don't like being drunk anymore, and it is really beginning to affect the way i look (vanity oh vanity) I have put on weight, and am beginning to look like an alcoholic, bloodshot eyes, waking up with a red nose....bags under the eyes. I used to be regarded as a rather attractive woman...

My partner is worried about my drinking, but not worried enough to stop endlessly bringing wine home. So, all you wonderful people out there, who live with a heavy drinker, how did you give up whilst always being around it? I know I have asked this before..but I need a boost. I gave up drugs whilst being surrounded with them, couldn't imagine getting stoned now, no temptation at all. So why cant I seem to be able to do this with booze?

I am going away to a conference for a week in 6 weeks, am looking forward to it, lots of my friends will be there, so the goal from today is stop drinking totally, loose 6 kilos (hopefully also stop smoking) become mentally clear, and try and get some bloody dignity back....Also try and get my waistline back I want to do the conference totally sober.

A very dear friend will be there, who I haven't seen in a long time, that has bore the brunt of my drinking, and I want to be able to enjoy my time with him. When I drink, I always end up hurting him...and his patience will eventually run out. Sent him a drunken rant at God last night, the poor bloke stayed up to email me back..he was really tired..

So, I will be here much more often than I have, need the support, and I WONT have a few wines whilst reading MWO, as i often do

[LibraryGirl]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

I hear ya Daya. I feel like AL robbed me of some of my looks too. My pics before I started drinking every day look so much better, I can't believe it. I feel like I look better than I did, since I quit in February, but the weight is definitely still there. I used to be considered quite an attractive woman as well, and I hate that I let myself go like that.:upset:

If nothing else, that is a very good reason to put down the bottle. Even if you can't get back everything you had, you won't lose anymore to AL at least! That's how I look at it now.

Good luck on everything, and I cannot answer on quitting while a partner still drinks heavily (or at all)...Mine doesn't drink, THANK GOD, but many here have quit while their partners did not. Hopefully, they will be able to give you some pointers on that.:l

LG

[Daya]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

Hi Library Girl, I have really noticed the physical changes recently, but I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard also recently. How long were you drinking for?

I have been drinking more and more steadily(12 years) since i have been with my partner. I actually never drank before then much, didn't really think of it. I never drank at home, never had alcohol in the house, would go out and have a few drinks, but not to the point of getting drunk.

I like what you said about not loosing anything else to alcohol, a really good way to look at it

Actually, when I stop drinking, even for a few days, the change is immediate.

[LibraryGirl]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

I drank when I went out too, before about 2004ish...was moving toward daily drinking for a few years before that, but it was firmly cemented by 2004. Gained about 50 pounds too. UGH!!! That more than anything is what I hate to see in pics of myself, lol. Wish there was a magic cure for that!

I had gained about 20 lbs over my "ideal" weight (in my own mind, not health recommendations) before I met my ex, with whom I started the daily drinking...Like someone posted on FB, "I wish I was the size I was when I THOUGHT I was fat." ROFL

LG

[So over it]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

Join us in may makeover!
Can't hurt?? Only offer u more support, ESP with AF and weight loss.
U can do itxxx

[SAUSAGE]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

Hi Daya
I can relate to your post. My husband is a daily drinker and has no intention of quitting. He is in a wine club and is always having the stuff delivered. We have at least 250 bottles of wine in our garage!

When I did my first serious quit in 2008/09 (8.5 AF months) I constantly nagged him to stop drinking, said it wasn't helping me and why wouldn't he go sober to help me. He refused and all it did was lead to arguments. I think this is one ( of several ) reasons why I failed.

I used to really envy people on here whose partners either didn't drink or else supported them, by having no alcohol in the house / not drinking around them.

However I've come to learn that you can't make someone else quit if they don't want to. I mean its hard enough to change yourself let alone anyone else LOL !!! Trying to verbally reason with them won't actually make any difference - can possible lead to more tension and even one -or both- of you drinking even more heavily.

The way I am tackling it this time is:
We don't discuss it - I try and lead by example, I make no comment on how much he is drinking, sit there with my soft drink etc etc.
He has seen my health / attitude to life the house the kids etc improve etc over the last couple of months. He has been there when other people have commented how well I am looking.
I occasionally drop the odd comment about how much better I feel, how much more energy I have etc etc
But it is only a positive comment about me - not a negative comment about him.

And do you know what, he is definitely drinking a lot less, and is more aware of what he is drinking - he is definitely within healthy levels for a male now.

Hope this is of help - I've found that even those that live in an AF home still fail - they just go out and get booze. In some ways I don't think it makes it too much harder, but you have to have the right mindset, and I truly believe that only when you become grateful for an AF life rather than seeing it as being deprived, will you hold the key to a chance of long term sobriety.

[Daya]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

I will !!! see you there!!!!!!

I'll pop over now.

So over it;1307135 wrote: Join us in may makeover!
Can't hurt?? Only offer u more support, ESP with AF and weight loss.
U can do itxxx

[Daya]

Oh, the dumbness of it all.

Hi Sausage,
yes, i posted on another thread the whole partner drinking thing...I also went through if you loved me youd stop. I gave up drugs whilst being surounded by them, hope I can do this too!! God, 250 bottles in the garage????

I am just spending time on my own in the bedroom whilst I get over the the first hump....I am incredibly annoyed at him when hes drunk..when I drink, its not so noticeable..

SAUSAGE;1307238 wrote: Hi Daya
I can relate to your post. My husband is a daily drinker and has no intention of quitting. He is in a wine club and is always having the stuff delivered. We have at least 250 bottles of wine in our garage!

When I did my first serious quit in 2008/09 (8.5 AF months) I constantly nagged him to stop drinking, said it wasn't helping me and why wouldn't he go sober to help me. He refused and all it did was lead to arguments. I think this is one ( of several ) reasons why I failed.

I used to really envy people on here whose partners either didn't drink or else supported them, by having no alcohol in the house / not drinking around them.

However I've come to learn that you can't make someone else quit if they don't want to. I mean its hard enough to change yourself let alone anyone else LOL !!! Trying to verbally reason with them won't actually make any difference - can possible lead to more tension and even one -or both- of you drinking even more heavily.

The way I am tackling it this time is:
We don't discuss it - I try and lead by example, I make no comment on how much he is drinking, sit there with my soft drink etc etc.
He has seen my health / attitude to life the house the kids etc improve etc over the last couple of months. He has been there when other people have commented how well I am looking.
I occasionally drop the odd comment about how much better I feel, how much more energy I have etc etc
But it is only a positive comment about me - not a negative comment about him.

And do you know what, he is definitely drinking a lot less, and is more aware of what he is drinking - he is definitely within healthy levels for a male now.

Hope this is of help - I've found that even those that live in an AF home still fail - they just go out and get booze. In some ways I don't think it makes it too much harder, but you have to have the right mindset, and I truly believe that only when you become grateful for an AF life rather than seeing it as being deprived, will you hold the key to a chance of long term sobriety.