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    #1

    WTF?

    So..... Stopped drinking, seemed to repair the damage( which I have only realized tge full extent of) with my son. Felt great, happy , positive... It was a bloody struggle , so I sent my boozing husband away for a week.
    Whilst he was away, I had a bunch of social dinners, kept to 2 drinks at each dinner.

    That was last week... Now I'm up to half a bottle a night...am kind of pissed whilst posting this. Why oh why do I do this???? I don't like the taste of booze, don't like being drunk, hate the way I look.... What the fuck us it that makes me drink? I think I am going to have to bite the bullet.. And go on meds.
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    #2
    WTF?

    Hi Daya
    I dont know if this will help but because I don't know you're situation at all but feel so the same this morning myself I looked at an old thread of your posts (oh the shame) and lots of other peoples and found it very very soothing and well, stabilizing...for lack of a better word. We are all so on the same ocean here at different parts of this frickin journey. Reading where everyone has been or is at just makes it all so much more manageable...
    Here's something funny..or maybe not. My 13 year old son just came in to hug me good morning as I am typing here on the iPad and asked, "mom? What's my way out?"
    Well....ummm. Things that make us Go ummmmm...I have no idea idea how I am going to handle this. My family doesn't think I drink .....anymore.....
    Anyway, stay strong. Xxoo
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

    Comment

      #3
      WTF?

      Hi Daya,

      Sorry to hear you are struggling. I know the feeling well. You stop for a while and feel great...so why start again? Believe me, I did it so many times I can't even count. It's like our brain is determined to ruin our body, which goes against every instinct for self-survival. It's called ADDICTION. Doing something you know you shouldn't do, and most of the time don't even want to do.

      What type of meds are you considering? I am on Antabuse. I owe my sobriety to it. It takes drinking completely off the table. It is simply NOT an option. You stop craving something you know you can't have.

      Please stay strong and let us know how you are doing.

      K9
      :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

      Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

      Comment

        #4
        WTF?

        How are you today Daya?

        G-bloke.

        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

        Comment

          #5
          WTF?

          I used to ask that everyday, every little problem i came across, i went straight to that bottle. sorry to hear that. I know what its like as alot of us do. I say one day at a time and those urges i jsut think of the hangover and the cost.
          sometimes it helps

          Comment

            #6
            WTF?

            Sorry to hear that you've had a backslide Daya. It happens to the best of us. I am quite certain that I could moderate, and have, a few times, or a few more times, but I know I would eventually (want to) get back to 1/2 or 3/4 of a bottle of liquor a nite. When you give yourself permission to drink, it's only a matter of time before you give yourself permission to drink more (and more). That is my belief, and from what I have heard others say, it is the truth.

            The good thing is that you can stop. You did it once (or more) already, so you know what to do. K9 might have some good advice: Antabuse. It's something to consider if you are considering meds.

            Keep posting and stay close.:l


            "I like people too much or not at all."             Sylvia Plath

            Comment

              #7
              WTF?

              Well , Guys and gals

              Yep, here again. I don't feel hung over this morning, as i didn't drink enough to be that way, just feel flat, with that sort of dirty feeling I get when i drink......I am just sooo pissed off at myself. K9,and LG what you said is very true, its giving myself permission to drink that does it.

              Also the whole moderating thing, which I think is dangerous for me. I think because I "successfully" moderate, that I can do it, then it starts building..

              It truly is madness. I felt so good last week, calm, contented, fresh....

              I cant take Antabuse because of my heart problems, I think I will just religiously stick to the MWO supplements, they seemed to help.

              I have a very good friend (mentioned in a very early post) who has born the brunt of my drinking, he is begging me to stop. We will both be at a conference together for 5 days in 6 weeks, and I HAVE to get a solid grip on this before then, otherwise what will happen is predictable. (I'll say and do awful things to him, make a professional idiot out of myself, loose his trust and friendship completely) I am amazed that he has put up with it for so long, actually.

              NYguy, the really dumb thing is, when i don't drink, problems are so much more easily dealt with...

              Kradle, oh yes, the family that doesn't think you drink...My relationship with my son has got so much better, simply by me not drinking at the last few events we have been together. I've only just realized DUH? Why he hasn't wanted me to go out with him for years...

              MrG, I'll just dust myself off, and rise up again. I will also stay close here, I have definitively noticed when I don't hang here, even if its just to read a bit each day, i slide....

              Comment

                #8
                WTF?

                Daya, don't answer this if you don't think it's appropriate for me to ask, but why do you think you "abuse" this one friend in particular when you drink?

                I agree that AF is probably the only way for us. Modding is only a slow, or quick, road to AL full-blown.

                ((hugs)) LG


                "I like people too much or not at all."                 Sylvia Plath

                Comment

                  #9
                  WTF?

                  LG, I know why I abuse the poor man...we have been having an affair for 3 years. So, hows that for letting it all hang out

                  We both love each other very, very much, are extremely close friends, work in the same industry ,but do not intend to leave our marriages....not ideal, I know. I don't deal with the situation very well, and when I am drunk, he bears the brunt of it.

                  Actually, he is a sort of collateral damage from my drinking.. he has never been unfaithful in his life, and I seduced him years ago whilst drunk...he is my biggest support to stop drinking, he is a controlled drinker (I don't understand how people can do that, BTW)

                  I have only seen him slightly drunk once, and he wont drink around me if he knows its hard for me. He has said the only addiction he has in his life is me...

                  He is the only man I have made love with sober in nearly 15 years...I have often said to him, that if I get truly sober, then the affair will probably end...

                  LibraryGirl;1316545 wrote: Daya, don't answer this if you don't think it's appropriate for me to ask, but why do you think you "abuse" this one friend in particular when you drink?

                  I agree that AF is probably the only way for us. Modding is only a slow, or quick, road to AL full-blown.

                  ((hugs)) LG

                  Comment

                    #10
                    WTF?

                    Oh, Daya.:l I'm sorry I pushed you to post that. I never expected you to reveal your private business. I just thought it was something else, lol, I guess I am a bit retarded. Forgive me for prying.

                    I make love with my bf sober and it is much more satisfying. I know when I was drinking, I'd often initiate, then not remember it most times, and even if I did, I know it wasn't "good" for me anyway...

                    I wish you peace in your heart and mind, however and whatever it takes to get there (without AL). PM me if you ever want to talk.

                    :hLG


                    "I like people too much or not at all."                     Sylvia Plath

                    Comment

                      #11
                      WTF?

                      Library Girl

                      You didn't push me to post that, it was my choice. The affair is intimately wrapped up in my drinking, and is a big part of it, and also the problems I have with my husband (not legally married, BTW) .

                      It is something that I will eventually have to deal with....I know if I get clear with the drinking, i will hopefully become much clearer on everything else.

                      Thanks for the suport LG:thanks:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        WTF?

                        K9 :30 day shred

                        Hi K9, My 30 day shred arrived today, how is it going with you? have you noticed much of a difference? I realized the conference I'm going to is actually in 37 days...so it seems like a good time to get serious, do 30 days AF, and become a babe

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                          #13
                          WTF?

                          Daya;1316687 wrote: Hi K9, My 30 day shred arrived today, how is it going with you? have you noticed much of a difference? I realized the conference I'm going to is actually in 37 days...so it seems like a good time to get serious, do 30 days AF, and become a babe
                          You will be a babe alright after 30 days AF Daya!

                          At 30 days Af, i looked HOT baby, hot i tells ya!

                          Shred it Momma!

                          'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                          Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                          Comment

                            #14
                            WTF?

                            LOL I bet your super hot, Mr G)))
                            I may post( headless) before and after pics!!

                            Guitarista;1316693 wrote: You will be a babe alright after 30 days AF Daya!

                            At 30 days Af, i looked HOT baby, hot i tells ya!

                            Shred it Momma!

                            Comment

                              #15
                              WTF?

                              Daya and Mr. G -
                              I'm sure you're both hotties already! Going AF will definitely kick up your hotness though Daya. The Shred is going good for me, I started Level 3 yesterday and am really feeling it. I've lost 7 lbs and 4.5 inches...all in 3 weeks! It ain't easy, but it's worth it....just like being AF! Good luck and let me know how you like "Shredding"!!
                              K9
                              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                              Comment

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