Self Hate

[K9Lover]

Self Hate

Gosh, I almost hate to say this in this thread but I have the best dad ever, loving, supportive, kind, patient, always there for us....which makes MY situation even more confusing. WHY the hell did I look for love from strange men when I had it from my own father? Guess that's even more messed up!!! Great mom too, and sister...we were the perfect little family of 4. Nice house, vacations, dinner together every night. I know I'm painting quite the "Leave it to Beaver" scenario...but WHY did I turn out to be the alkie? Now I'm wondering what's really lurking in my brain!

[LibraryGirl]

Self Hate

You must have some REAL issues K9, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

[K9Lover]

Self Hate

Seriously LG! Not sure I even want to figure out what they are!

[LibraryGirl]

Self Hate

I must say that my dad was an awesome father as well. He did love me with all his heart, and I now believe he suffered from depression (as I do). He mellowed out A LOT in his later years, and we had a great relationship up until he died. I regret that we lost so much time being at odds over the years.

Thanks for all the replies and food for thought.

LG

[pixie]

Self Hate

I can identify with lots that has been said here :l

My parents showed little affection towards us. For my dad I think it was just the way he was brought up (mom raises the kids, it's not not manly to show emotion, etc), and that never really bothered me that much. However mom was very critical and I cannot recall receiving praise from her, despite often seeking it out. In retrospect I think she was very unhappy, possibly depressed, and her criticisms were her attempt at getting me to have a better life than hers. That's my interpretation as an adult anyways. At the time I was confused - I didn't understand why other kids had such different relationships with their parents.

[pixie]

Self Hate

I can identify with lots that has been said here :l

My parents showed little affection towards us. For my dad I think it was just the way he was brought up (mom raises the kids, it's not not manly to show emotion, etc), and that never really bothered me that much.

My mom was very critical and I cannot recall receiving praise from her, despite often seeking it out. In retrospect I think she was very unhappy, possibly depressed, and her criticisms were her attempt at getting me to have a better life than hers.

That's my interpretation as an adult anyways. At the time I was confused and ashamed - I didn't understand why other kids had such different relationships with their parents.

[K9Lover]

Self Hate

I feel much more distant from my mom than my dad, maybe that has had an effect on me, now that I really think about it. Our relationship is very "superficial" if you know what I mean. I've tried to get closer to her, but we just don't click. My dad on the other hand is the type of person you can just TALK to, very understanding, caring, patient. How much do I owe you all for this therapy session? LOL

[Kradle123]

Self Hate

Actually, I think it's the other way around!

[one2many]

Self Hate

I can identify a lot with this thread, like most of you, my childhood was less than ideal, an alcoholic father and a neurotic and sometimes, if the truth be known, cruel mother who neglected me and made me the mother of the house from a ridiculously young age.We were very poor and I was always manky dirty (soap and water cost nothing but my mother never bothered).
I was also super ugly which did'n't help the dirty part. My mother NEVER let me forget how ugly I was even down to not putting up my school photo because "where the hell am I meant to put that?" "you cannot hang that on the wall" I was (and still am) VERY short which was another bone of contention with my mother "God, why can't you be like other kids"
Even when I am writing this, I still feel the shame and utter unhappiness I felt as a child, the feeling of inadequacy and inability to believe I had any redeeming qualities.

Did it affect me in my older years?? You bet it did. I have always had a sense that I was not good enough and I put up a shield around me so I would not get hurt. AS I kinda grew into my looks and blossomed a little, my mothers attitude did not change, instead she actually seemed annoyed that people said I was pretty. I never thought I was.

It is only in the past few years when I discovered spirituality, I am learning to love myself, I realise that I am a beautiful, worthwhile, totally relevant person and for the first time in my life I am happy in my skin. I AM ENOUGH. I don't care what other people think when they look at me, I care not for their opinions of my character or my lifestyle. The important people in my life love me for who I am, warts and all.

I tell my children they are beautiful every day, I tell them there is NOTHING that that cannot do and that the sky is the limit, I tell them am proud of them and that I love them with all my heart.

And for my mother...she now tells me that she is proud of me, that I look well and that I am "A Great little Mammy"...I guess she feels guilty over the years gone by and she sees in me, the mother she never was but what she doesn't see is that, if she had not been so nasty to me, I may not have learned to be the mother I am, so for that, I am very grateful to her, she taught me the biggest lesson of my life. You cannot make anyone love you, but if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to??

[K9Lover]

Self Hate

Oney -
Your post touched me. And yes, you are beautiful inside and out. And a wonderful mother. You SHOULD be proud of yourself!
Love,
K9

[one2many]

Self Hate

Thanks K9, I appreciate that.

I guess what I am trying to say is that each and every one of us are special in our own way, we are wonderful beings who are powerful beyond our wildest dreams, no matter what happened in the past, what we did or failed to do, who hurt us, abused us or betrayed us, we are very very deserving of our own love.
I think the min we compare ourselves to others we feel inadequate or, just as bad, on the other side of the coin we feel superior, which in turn helps us feel better about ourselves.

Just accepting ourselves and learning to love the woman in the mirror is paramount to our self esteem and our quality of life.

xxx

[one2many]

Self Hate

Worth a look...

How To Love Yourself In 17 Ways — Abundance Tapestry

[Bella]

Self Hate

this is a good post. I too have felt like im not worthy...full stop. Thats why ive got problems. X

[one2many]

Self Hate

And you My dear Mollers are a fabulous woman, you DO know that right??

[Bella]

Self Hate

Hi one x