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**resrchqueen** · May 23, 2012, 07:38 AM

Constant day 1s

Try and keep busy...and if you can get some light exercise....a relaxation tea such as yogi calming tea or anything chamomile can relax your nerves. If you drink today, it will make things better only temporarily which you know. If you tough it out, you will feel like a million bucks tomorrow!

**Destiniey** · May 23, 2012, 07:47 AM

Constant day 1s

Hi Briseus! I totally know what you are going through. I had some vodka left from the weekend and as much as I tried not to the temptation was too great and I gave into it. I didn't get drunk as there wasn't enough but after the fact I was so disgusted with myself. Yesterday morning I had to come on here with my tail between my legs and admit failure....once again....ugh! I wish now that I would've just poured it down the drain...but I didn't and now I have to deal with the consequences. Was it worth it???? HELL NO! Instead of being on day 2, I could've been on day 3 and had an extra AF day under mt belt. Everyone here was very supportive and I dragged myself back up in the nest and this is where I plan to stay! I have such a positive attitude waking up this morning with no hangover. It was tempting but I managed to pas 2 liquor stores yesterday and I just kept right on going. My whole mindset has changed...perhaps it's the L-glut and all my other suppliments kicking in...who knows. But I do know that it is important to check in on here as much as you can. The poeple on here rock and they are helping me tremendously!!!! Good luck today....I will be thinking of you. If I could do one day..I am sure you can too....lets do this journey together!

**briseus** · May 23, 2012, 08:14 AM

Constant day 1s

My head is trying to find any possible excuse to drink...
I have decided that I will NOT drink during the day - NO WAY, NO HOW.

I also decided that I am going to decide on a quit date. Do a lot of you agree with something like that? Preparing myself for some sober time?
I was thinking of doing it on Monday - I know - everyone does the Monday thing. But for whatever reason my mindset is totally different when I choose a day, especially one like Monday.

Thank you Resrchqueen - I am going to try and keep myself busy during the day. I do feel quite dopey from the drinking I did the night before (which wasn't too much, but enough)...I have some Gatorade here and will have some tea for the nerves.

Destiniey - thank you for the encouraging words. I am glad I am not the only one! Sometimes I just feel so alone in all of this and the boyfriend doesn't understand at all.
He is always giving me ultimatums and such...I don't know. He said this morning "NO drinking tonight" and that makes me want it even more!
And I know that I am going to test him and probably end up buying some and see what his reaction is...I really dislike this vicious cycle. Ugh.

I am still trying to get to a day 1!
I guess hour by hour...minute by minute...
People say you can't do this without support...a lot of people do though.
I need to get into the right frame of mind, like you Destiniey.
The supps don't do much for me at all...it's all about my way of thinking...this is only in my case though. I wish I could just stop.

Thanks for listening.

**briseus** · May 23, 2012, 08:32 AM

Constant day 1s

I am going to redirect this thread (if possible) to the day 1 thread.
I didn't realize there was one until I posted this.

Thanks.

)

**Destiniey** · May 23, 2012, 08:37 AM

Constant day 1s

Briseus...wow...we are alot alike! My husband told me this morning as he wa alking out the door "NO drinking tonight!" It sooooo pisses me off because he doesn't understand. He seems to think I like living this way.....NOT! He is not someone I can talk to about this so I am so thankful for the support I get here. His words can be mean and cut to the core...I know he is frustrated but he also needs to back off! I told him this morning that I joined a group and I have a plan so he doesn't have to keep asking me if I have "behaved" when he comes home from work.....that just makes it worse. I am such a friggin stubborn person so now that he knows I joined and have a plan I will make sure I don't fail! Ha! If deciding on a quit date is what you think will work for you than by all means do it....there is no right way or wrong way. Good Luck!

**briseus** · May 23, 2012, 09:02 AM

Constant day 1s

Ugh. We ARE so much alike!
It pissed me off - A LOT too! He gets so angry with me...and if I do end up drinking then he doesn't talk to me, it hurts my feelings because he doesn't get it. I am not like him. I can't just have 1 or 2 beers and that is it. I need to have them all and then some.
I am trying to figure out a way to have wine tonight...at least tonight...maybe I will set my quit date for tomorrow. I don't know. It is either going to be tomorrow or Monday...because I am not sure how I am going to be able to keep drinking when the boyfriend doesn't want me to.
Am I being selfish? I often wonder that.
That voice in my head is saying "TAKE A DRINK!" but I know I will feel such shame and guilt if I do. And I also can't lie to my boyfriend so I would tell him what I did right away.
I told him I wanted to do 30 days AF and today was supposed to be day 1 but yesterday was so shitty and I just want a good drinking night with him.
I can't believe how my addictive voice tries to rationalize everything. Ugh.

I agree with you though D - there is no wrong or right way about quitting. I just don't want to keep drinking all the time and finding all these excuses.

It is 10am where I am.
This is insanity.
Thanks for listening D!

**Destiniey** · May 23, 2012, 09:15 AM

Constant day 1s

We are in the same time zone....10 am here too! It's horrible how strong the desire to drink is...is is a total beast that is manipulating and tries to make us think that drinking makes us more social, prettier, sexier, a better conversationalist and how being oblivious to the world around us is a good thing. I have heard that every time you deny the beast he gets weaker. I feel him lurking in the background, ya know, like peeking at me from acrossed the room but like yesterday he is NOT going to get any closer to me today! Bastard!!!!!! Ha! I hope this visualization helps! If for nothing else...if I don't give in to the beast it will shut my husband up from nagging me and pissing me off all night! The pros outweigh the cons!

**briseus** · May 23, 2012, 09:32 AM

Constant day 1s

Hahah, thanks D.

)
I will also make sure to use that visualization as well.
I have a bunch of NA wine here...I was thinking of having one...but I haven't touched it. What is the point anyways?
Ugh. I hate this.

How long were you drinking for? What is the longest you have been sober for?

**K9Lover** · May 23, 2012, 10:53 AM

Constant day 1s

Oh Girls...I would NOT deal well with someone telling me "NO drinking tonight!"...ugh, that would be my ticket to get rip-roaring drunk, just because I can!!! Can either of you explain to the fellas that making comments like that does NOT help one little bit? That's not encouragement or support, that's an order...and personally I don't take orders well. Then again, I am single, and maybe this is why. LOL

Bri - did you pick a quit date? Oddly enough, all my "day 1's" are on Fridays. Figured I'd get the weekend and first 3 days over all in one shot. Strangely enough, it seemed to work. Of course I did that many times before it "stuck". But don't fret, it WILL stick...just be patient with yourself.

Let me know how you gals are doing...and Destiniey, I am super jealous of that bacon cheeseburger you had the other day. LOL

K9

**briseus** · May 23, 2012, 11:19 AM

Constant day 1s

It does sound like an order, doesn't it...
It really made me want to drink even MORE. It was insane. Why does the mind do that?
He has given me ultimatums in the past which had given me some sober time - either I quit or we are done.

It definitely isn't supportive when they do that or say things like that. I told him I need support and today was supposed to be my day 1 but no...
I just had some wine...it is after noon. At least I didn't drink in the AM - and I do this because I can and because it is there...
I am so upset though that I did this.

Ugh.
The boyfriend doesn't think I have a problem. He thinks I can just "stop". That's even more frustrating because I really wish it were that easy!

K9...that makes sense, to do a sober date right before the weekend. I was thinking of Monday and then I decide on tomorrow then Friday...now Monday again.

Do you think if I write down my plan and all that and have the boyfriend read it that it will make a difference? I don't know.
I hate the feeling I get when I am drunk. I can't do anything. I am not productive or nothing.
I am trying to avoid the second sip...but it is there...half a bottle...that is going to get me drunk for sure.

Why do we do this to ourselves?
I am so angry with myself and I hate it. So WHY not just STOP!?

**K9Lover** · May 23, 2012, 11:26 AM

Constant day 1s

If only it were that easy to "just stop" huh? Yeah, if it were...none of us would be here! Can you explain to your boyfriend that once you start, you just CAN'T stop? Therefore, you need support in not starting at all! It's the first drink that counts. I know for a fact that I cannot sit next to a bottle of alcohol and not drink it. Just ain't gonna happen! Telling me to drink "normally" (if there is such a thing) is like telling a leopard to change it's spots.

I really do understand what you're going through right now. I remember many a night where I was on beer 8 and felt sick, full, bloated and disgusted, but for some reason forced those last 4 down....talk about not making sense!

Take care today and slow down if you can. Have some water and gatorade. Keep me posted ok?

K9

**briseus** · May 23, 2012, 11:57 AM

Constant day 1s

Hey K9. I read your post in the other thread. Unfortunately I didn't pour the wine out and can't. I will send myself into a panic. I really think that I need to implement a plan here. I need to figure out when I will quit.
Sad to say that it is all up to my boyfriend because I am going to say "Ah well, I am going to do the 30 days starting Monday" if he says "whatever" then I will go ahead with Monday as my quit date...if not then tomorrow it will be the day.
I will space them out though. As much as I want the second one now I am thinking of how I didn't have one all morning...and I don't want to be drunk when the bf gets home. Or that will be bad and I am not sure I have anything else left in me to have another argument of how big of a f**k up I am -- he has never said this...it's just the way that I feel at times.

Thanks for the positive vibes. I feel them!
I think if I post on here often enough and prep myself for my quit date then it will be easier. I need to do the 30 days. NEED to.

How long have you been sober for K9?

**K9Lover** · May 23, 2012, 12:31 PM

Constant day 1s

This is my longest consecutive "quit"....149 days today.

I've been trying for years though, tracking my drinking, marking days in my calendar, etc. Last year (2011) I had 257 sober days, not in a row, sometimes no more than one in a week. My pattern was really sporratic, and I have last years calendar hanging above this years, trying to figure it all out...but I can't. Seems like I'd go 2 weeks sober, then drink about 4-5 days. That was me "messing" with the Antabuse. Obviously planning to go off of it here and there. This year I do NOT mess! I take that sucker every dang day, whether I want to or not. Sometimes I wish I didn't have Antabuse in my body...but really why? So I can feel like shite? It's a horrible cycle Bri, and I really feel you on this one. I understand that you can't pour out the wine right now. I get it.

Don't feel like a F**k up, you're really not. You're just a person struggling with an awful addiction. It ain't easy, but it IS doable...I know you'll get it. I have faith in you.

**LibraryGirl** · May 23, 2012, 01:03 PM

Constant day 1s

Bri, the one thing that seems to stand out from your posts is your bf. It's your body. Don't quit for him. Do it for you. Go ahead and pick a quit date, Monday if that works for you. Keep posting and good luck!:l

Day 11 for me.

LG

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