Constant day 1s

[briseus]

Constant day 1s

K9Lover - congratulations on 149 days, this time, is it consecutive? At least you didn't drink the entire year in 2011. I did. I MAYBE got 30 days sober out of it. How sad is that?
It is disappointing and hurts the heart when you type it out and read it out loud like that.
I know it is doable. I just wish I never had to deal with this. I wish I never became addicted. Mind you, alcoholism doesn't discriminate and I am sure I am not the first one that has said that.

LG - you are right. It is sad to say but I think that I am quite codependant on the bf.
He is all that I have right now and if I lose him I will be so alone and devastated and I am not sure what I would do.
I would probably drink even more - into an oblivion.
I really want to quit for ME. But what if I don't want to do it NOW.
Who am I kidding, I wish I could just take a magic pill and not have to worry about it...like my weight loss. :P
Congrats on day 11 girl. That's really awesome.

I need to just get past day 1 and I'll be fine.
I guess it'll be Monday.

[K9Lover]

Constant day 1s

If Monday is your quit date, then try to take it slow and easy between now and then ok? Maybe taper off and have a little less each night? That will make it easier to go completely without on Monday.

I didn't reply on your other thread because I don't have experience with the boyfriend thing. Last time I was in a serious relationship (loooong time ago), he was on Meth, so not really in a position to be telling me anything.

Anyway, good luck...I'll be thinking about you!

[nancy]

Constant day 1s

taking steps

What I am going to say isn't for everyone. But for me, it was helpful to read the book How To Change Your Drinking by Ken Anderson. He advises if at all possible do not drink the next day. The idea is to minimize drinking in whatever way you can and your body needs to recuperate the next day. If you keep giving yourself future quit dates that's a recipe for a binge. You might want to check out that book. Maybe you don't feel capable of quitting right now but there are always things you can do to make your situation better. Always. As for those drinking parties, my suggestion is stay away until you can handle it. It's not fun for you anyway right? You can't say no and get out of control.

[Kradle123]

Constant day 1s

Hi Bri:

Just wanted to chime in Briefly (ha ha) First I htink tha you JUST being here shows that you are doing it for you and making a dent. You post, you try, you are making plans, you are midful. All this is grea effort and NO EFFORT in this fight is wasted
About the bf...well, I can't speak for him but people who do not drink ike we do do not, will not and don't want to understand in my opinion

My husband never told me not to drink. He onlt insisted hat when I did I not be an asshole and make his life miserable...That did not always go as requested... Deep down I really wanted my husband to 'save' me form this and all the oher 'reasons' that brought me to this poin. But hat was and is never going to happen. So my husband supports my efforts now by what I call benign neglect. As long as I am not bohering anyone, he doesn' care is I drink myself into The ICU
Needless o say his is not good for a healthy marriage and I think that if he knew that this is what was in store for him when we said 'I di' he would have said, 'No Way.'
Oddly enough when I hink back, I drank less when I was no in a relationship. I had more time to focus on my work and my friends and volunteering..I used to do a lot of that!
Anyway, I'm on day 4 and it is Yuk Yuk Yuk. But My husband is gone (out of town) so I can work and meditae and listen to the radio all by myslef. I love that Munchkins home at 4 and Basketball at 5:30....Thank heavens becasue that's the 'witching hour' as I read here not to long ago.
XXOO

[Kradle123]

Constant day 1s

Hi:

I just re-read that post and the spelling looks like i'm either drunk or blind!

Half the damn letters are missing!
I am so sorry. I think I am typing to fast for my dumb brain...
Spell Check???????

[Destiniey]

Constant day 1s

Hi K9, Bri and Kradle.... Just checking in to let you know that day 2 is going strong! I was on here (as some of you know) like all morning! Ha! I ended up doing errands with my daughter today and that kept me on track....I mean..I am not going to take my 19 year old into a liquor store with me! I am really keeping up with the supplements today....even took a baggie along of them so I didn't miss a dose! Ha!

Bri...don't beat yourself up about drinking the wine today....just try to stay focused and try to have some water and gatorade in between! My husband came home early from work and I was like "Ha...in your face....I am not sloppy drunk..I am 100% sober" LOL Of course I didn't say that but it was going through my mind like crazy! One thing that I have realized is that I didn't get to this point by him telling me to stop drinking....that just added fuel to the fire. I finally got to the point where 3 very important people...me, myself and I wanted to end this. It was too exhausting trying to act sober when he got home so that he wouldn't call me a "dumb ass". But when your doing housework mid-morning and have that 1st drink just to make the task a bit easier to tolerate...then you have your 2nd...then 3rd and before you know it it's dinner time and nothing is defrosted...and you hear the door slam cuz the hubby is home...well..I just hated that feeling. Thinking of it now just disgusts me. I am 42 and started drinking on weekends in my Senior Year in High School....not heavily at all....just socially. I got married when I was 19 so I wasn't even the legal drinking age to have a cocktail at my rehearsal dinner! Ha! So yes..thinking back I was a weekender from age 19. I drank nothing while I was trying to get pregnant and nothing during the pregnancy. So I guess 11 months at a run I have been sober. I only drank occasionally until she was in school and then that weekender thing crept up on me again. I have done 30 days here and there but for the last 5 years it has been really bad and this past year it has become a daily thing. Wow....it sounds aweful when I write it down...I never really tried to figure it out....Ugh!

K9...that burger was soooooooooooooooooo good and was totally what was needed at that point! Ha!

[K9Lover]

Constant day 1s

Hi D -

I'm ashamed to say that I've taken my pre-teen into liquor stores with me, I'd always try to distract her with candy. The shame of it all. She knew when I'd ask her at like 8:30pm if she wanted me to go to the store to buy her candy, what I was really up to! I have to say that since I've been sober I haven't offered to go buy her candy, and if she asked me at 8:30 or 9:00pm I'd say "You must be crazy". LOL

Ok enough about the burger already, I am starving and have been on a strict 1500 calorie a day diet...but tomorrow I go on a mini-vacay so all that goes out the window. My new workout starts on Monday...until then, all hell is going to break loose. HA

Bri - Give us a check in ok?

[Destiniey]

Constant day 1s

K9....I used to take my daughter into the liquor stores with me when she was in a stroller!!!!! The time I stopped was when she innocently mentioned to her dad that she went shopping with me in a place that had lots of glass bottles. Well....that totally blew my cover as I was hiding it from my husband then. Wow....can anyone say "LOSER"...I swear...I have never been so brutely honest as i am on here and seeing it in writing makes it look so pathetic!
Have fun on your mini-vaca...I hope you stomach feels better!

[Kradle123]

Constant day 1s

Hi All:

Feeling a bit better. You guys reminded me that I would so days without going into the liquor store which I could have easily while the kids were in school and the BAM! I'd be toddling around after school with them or on a saturday and try to 'figure out' how to go to the LS without them knowing. All my intensions, all my ability to drive past that damn store just evaporated and I just had to figure out a way to stock back up...

I would park them in the lot, doors locked with my cell and tell them I was going into the Pet store next door (there is one) but they couldn't come in becsue I was just going quickly in and out...then I'd pop over and get a bottle of rum...Oh and some dog treats. How stupid that all sounds know.....
Thanks for sharing and opening my eyes.
Day five tomorrow

[Destiniey]

Constant day 1s

Kradle....thanks for sharing that! It is so amazing how much we are all so much alike....and I thought I was being so sly......NOT! I am so glad that you are feeling a bit better! Have a great night...congrats on day 5. I just completed day 2 and I am ready to wake up to day 3 tomorrow!

[TheSunFlower]

Constant day 1s

1000 day 1's

I have often joked that I have been sober for years with all my day 1-3's. It is an awful cycle to be in. I can only speak for myself, but I certainly wish I had stopped sooner. I am only on day 18. What happened? I took myself to the ER, with plans to go to detox and then to rehab. The ER was a disaster and by the am I went home. When rehab called I was too sick to get in the car and go. My sick brain did not what to go out with such a bang. So I drank on day 3. Worked very hard to not do anything stupid that the outside world could see. About 10 days after that I ordered a beer. I mean it wasn't my fault the waiter put us in the bar I had two sips and could not even gag the thing down. Since then I have not had one iota to drink, but its still early.

What got my attention was at the ER....I had drank 10 lite beers that night, violently threw up and 2 hours later....tested at a .18! That got my attention and has stuck in my head....quite frankly I don't know why I was shocked. I was still legally drunk in the am.

Whenever I picked a day to quit in the future it was like a pass to drink as much as possible. The day would arrive and it would be a battle. By day 3 I would drink because I was horrified by my behavior while drinking. AND this cycle went on for years.

I don't wish this cycle upon anyone. I like all the "good jobs" I get from people that believed in me ALL these years. And I stay sober to spite the people who did not believe in me. But mostly because I have no desire to feel sick tomorrow. If I drink....I will not feel 100% even if its only 2.

I am early in this journey....but, trust me....you do not want my last 10 years. I don't think there is a single person who does not wish they had gotten their act together sooner.

Sounds like to me you are in a position of feeling like you can't and they can. It sucks. I would be so angry. That thinking got me nowhere. I choose not drink. Afterall, it is my choice.

[briseus]

Constant day 1s

Thanks to all who posted. I did drink even more yesterday...and I ended up waking up this morning not remembering how I got to bed. Sad. I was also more then half in the bag when the boyfriend got off work.
Today I am going to work on not getting drunk by the time he gets home.
There is a full bottle of white wine in the fridge and it is taking a lot for me not to go in there and have a glass because I am feeling "dopey" from the night before.

Instead, I will have a bath, do some gardening and read out in the sunshine.

That is my plan.

I understand what you mean TheSunFlower - when you pick a quit date and then you feel like you need to binge before that day. I don't plan on doing that...as much as the voice is telling me to start drinking now, pass out and wake up groggy but sober-ish before the bf gets off work, go out, get more and do it all over again. I need to be productive with my day though. I can't keep doing this.
So no, no drinking for me during the day.

I am not understanding how alcohol has such power over us. It makes no sense to me at all.

[K9Lover]

Constant day 1s

Hi Bri and Sun -

I have "years" of sobriety too, if you count all my day ONE's! I know this is so difficult, but I'm glad you're both here. Bri - Sorry about last night. At least you have a plan for today. I used to pick quit dates too, and like Sun said, they just made me binge right up until the so-called "date". And of course those dates never really stuck anyway. Well, that is, until I decided that I was DONE, I just could not do it anymore. The blackouts, the passing out, the driving intoxicated, the stupid texting/emailing, scrambling for the phone at 3am to see what I said to who....it just got to be too MUCH!

I hope you have a good day and can stick to your plan...Let us know ok?

K9

[briseus]

Constant day 1s

It's funny how I thought yesterday that today was going to be my day 1 and I was just going to go wild with the boozing last night and I woke up and see there is an entire bottle of wine and I figure "to hell with it"...and keep on going.
I know I am mentally preparing myself to quit and that is a good thing, no?

Yesterday at noon I picked up.
Today it is after 1pm and instead I am going to go out and read in the sunshine.

I do know exactly what you mean K9. And it is beginning to get too much for me too. It is becoming increasingly out of control because I figure that I'm drinking to get drunk anyway and I just pound 'em back.
I'm going to monitor how fast I drink tonight...if I do...well, I know I will because there is a bottle in the fridge right now...
If there wasn't, then I wouldn't be arguing with myself about drinking tonight or not.
Maybe tomorrow once there is nothing here I can focus more on not drinking and maybe have a sober Friday.

Thanks for everything K9.

[K9Lover]

Constant day 1s

Hi Bri -

I just wanted you to know that I am leaving town for a little get away with the family for the next few days, so please do not think I am ignoring you when I don't respond! I read posts from my phone, but I'm no good at replying from there, it takes too long! lol

Anyway, we're both facing "giving up" things, today I am trying to quit smoking. I feel it's time, my lungs are starting to feel achy and I'm not exactly a "spring chicken" anymore...the big 4-0 is looming and I do NOT want to do permanent damage (hopefully it's not already done!). Soooo...you say "bye" to the wine and I'll say "bye" to the ciggies, ok? Let's add a "good riddance" in there too!

Pace yourself tonight and be safe. Keep checking in because I will be "lurking" from my phone and I wanna know how you are!