I never thought I'd be here.

[Pavement]

I just need to quit drinking, period. I am in college right now and I feel like I'm killing myself. My friends always ask me to go out and drink and I just do the stupidest things. There are nights I don't remember and hangovers that ruin entire days. I never thought I'd be in this situation but I know it's the social thing to do in college. I am tired of it. I'm tired of doing the dumbest stuff. I'm tired of making a fool of myself and I'm tired of destroying my life. I don't know what to do. I just want to stop. I don't drink every day but when I do drink I drink way too much. My name is a reminder I guess of how many times I've met the pavement while drunk.

I've started reacting very badly to drinking. Hangovers are worse than ever. I experienced actual psychosis after this past weekend (coming off of a 2 day binge). Auditory hallucinations, seeing things, etc. I couldn't even get any rest today because I had vivid imagery flashing with my eyes shut. This is not characteristic of me, I never have any thing like this ever, but after doing some research I found out it's a real thing. I'm just over it. My friends are going to be so upset, but I just feel like I should care about myself more. I mentioned not drinking wednesday because there's a special or whatever at the bar and they had this look on their face like I just killed their cat or something. I'm a social drinker and people enjoy my presence that also drink but, I don't want anything to do with it anymore like I said. I honestly think sometimes when I make it home, how easy it would have been for me to just fall and die or something. I have scrapes on my elbows now and I got a pretty bad one on my chin last weekend. I am just sick of it... I want to forget all about drinking and live a new better life. I can count 3 events that I'm invited to by Sunday that will no doubt involve drinking and I just don't want to do it anymore. :|

[damo180]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hi Pavement,

Firstly, welcome to this site. The people on here will help you take the first step of laying off the booze.

It will be tough at first, especially at social events. My advice is arrive late and leave early, to ease the temptation.
But there IS a life without alcohol and it can be so much better if you are prepared to put in the work.
You WILL achieve so much more sober than spending them hungover.

It is difficult but it gets easier, and you will feel better in so many ways within a short time of being AF.

Just like to wish you well, also, check out the toolbox thread in the monthly abstinence section (i think)

All the very best

Damo in Dublin

[Daya]

I never thought I'd be here.

Welcome pavement

What a great name, BTW. You will find so many people here(including myself) who have, and are, going through the same thing. Alcohol DOES bring on psychosis...I have been so anxious and paranoid after a binge, it reminds me of coming down from a coke binge.

Actually, if you read the thread I just posted, it mentions my fears of the social aspect of drinking...What i have found, is it does take a while to get used to being the only one sober at a social gathering, but i have enjoyed it so much more than I thought i could.

The biggest benefit for me when i know i will not drink at social events, is the feeling of safety. I dont have to wrestle with all the fears you have spoken about.

I am very much a newbie here, their are a lot of wonderful people here who will respond much better than I can.

All I can say pavement, is I'm glad your here...this place has literally been a life saver for me. Congratulations on your desison that you want a better life, that alone is a great start.

[Doggygirl]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hi Pavement and :welcome:

I can relate to some of the college experiences you describe. I too saw a lot of pavement in college, but stupidly I carried on for many more years. I know you are a little scared right now but trust me - you are doing yourself a HUGE favor by considering stopping the booze entirely NOW in your life. You will not miss a thing and potentially add years to your life, as well as enjoy the richness in life that is just not possible under the haze of booze. This is a great place for help and support.

You might want to look up poster DriftyAlison who is another college person in recovery here who just celebrated 1 year sober. She can probably help a lot with suggestions of how to deal with disappointed friends, etc. in the college social climate. And there are lots of other people here to help as well. I don't know everyone's ages so I'm sure there are many other younger people!

Good luck to you. The journey may not be easy but it will be worth it.

DG

[noodle]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hi Pavement, :welcome: Well done you for addressing your problems at this stage, you are right in thinking they won't magically dissapear without some work, when you decide when that is is up to you. College time is difficult, it kinda goes hand in hand with AL, but don't be fooled, a drinker will always find it a difficult time, unless they want to quit. I hope that makes some sense - I know what I mean:H
I was heavy drinking from around 16, by Uni years I was already off the rails, some of the situations I put myself in make my blood run cold now - I'm very lucky to still be here. Looking back I wish someone somewhere would have taken it upon themselves to help me, I was despite being the party animal everyone expected, very lonely and very sad (not to mention very poor and anorexically thin). My advice to you would be to seek help, and keep in mind what you've written on here. If your on here, you're already in trouble, we're all here to help and support you, you're in great company.
Wishing you all the best on your journey x:h

[Vallan]

I never thought I'd be here.

Pavement...I'm glad your not waiting till your years down the road like many of us. I didn't cross that line till my mid 40's. Now it's 15 yrs. later of almost daily vodka drinking and I like you have said enough. Today is day two and I slept really well. It feels good to wake up and not feel like shit or like you not feel guilty for some of the stupid stuff I've done and can't remember. Alcohol is a poison and I find nothing good about it...at all. It should be outlawed like drugs but unfortunatly it is too woven into our population . I can't think of one positive thing that alcohol contributes to society. Your in the right place and you can do it. You must think positive and remember all the negatives that will happen if you drink. Find new friends who think like you and who are into healthier habits and are supportive. good luck

[janka]

I never thought I'd be here.

Sweetheart you are lucky to begin being sober o young. Be happy.

[patricia]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hi Pavement

Wish I'd had your sense - believe me, you will save yourself and those who love you so much heartache . . . . . Px

[angel77]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hi Pavement, Welcome to MWO! I think it's really brave/smart of you to stop drinking for yourself and not drink just because others ask you to. I can really relate to the whole college drinking thing. It can be so hard when nearly all the events involve drinking and there is nearly always someone that will offer it to you or ask why you aren't. I find it so hard to say no especially when all of my friends are drunk and I am the only sober one. Sometimes I think " oh it won't be as much fun without drinking" I guess it takes a lot of will power. Hope you are going well today.

[Kradle123]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hi pavement
My god your post was like looking in a retro mirror...it made me cry because if I only had had the sense to wake the hell up as you are clearly I could have saved my own life years ago.
Your friends who look at you like you just killed their cat? I think deep down you know they are on their way to self destruction too.
Plasm stay on MWO as much as your schedule allows. I swear you can graduate, blink and 20 years goes by...

Many hugs,
xxoo

PS. What's your major?

[Ambrose71]

I never thought I'd be here.

Hello. This is my first post. I spent a chunk of the afternoon reading the toolbox and looking around. Seems like a really good forum. This is day 8 for me. I decide to reply to this thread because Pavment's story is identical to mine 20 years ago. Now, at 40, I am still pushed to go out because everyone loves my antics and don't give a sh*t attitude when out drinking. But now - I don't enjoy it and can't control it. So I have to stop. Not happy about having to stop - but truth be told - I am feeling better than since a long time. I can also handle situations better and not cut corners on projects just to clock out and get to the pub. Also - went to a function where there was drinking and didn't have to much of a problem ordering Perrier. The free wine scared me - but a quick no thank you was all it took.

Anyway. That is that. Pavment: your real friends will be proud and respect your decision. Mine do.

[Yogamom]

I never thought I'd be here.

Welcome. You are very brave. You can do this and this is a great place to get support.

[LillyE]

I never thought I'd be here.

Pavement I really want to encourage you to stick around and say that, even though I've never met you, I'm PROUD of you for coming to this realisation at your age. I read your post just after I'd been thinking about whether I should try to talk to a friend 10 years younger than me about her drinking (I'm 37, she's 27). I see so much of myself in her and I wonder how different my life might have been had I quit back then. I can see now that about 95% of my problems in those years have been booze related.

And if you are having alcohol psychosis now... well, I guarantee you it's going to get worse, not better. You would be doing an amazing and wonderful thing for yourself if you quit now. I would put all my money on this fact: If you don't quit now, one day you will look back on this time when you considered it seriously and wish like hell you had. I absolutely guarantee it.

Please come join us over in Newbies Nest!

Wishing you lots of strength and here to offer support as you need it.

Lilly x