Job Meltdown

[hidden_gem]

Hello all,

As part of my attempt to change my life - and my life MUST change, if I am to be happy - I need to change jobs.

Well, that's all very well and good if you don't need to pay bills, but I do, like everyone else.

I know that my current job is making me ill. I love to help people, but in my role, I am the manager of ten people - and I tend to take on too much responsibility.

I know that sounds funny as a manager, but the problem is this:

1) All of the people that I manage are new to their role
2) Unfortunately the company sets very high targets
3) It's a horrible industry (workers' compensation insurance)
4) I love helping people, but not watching over their every move as I am supposed to do
5) I just don't feel that I can be all things to all people
6) I know that the thing I really need to learn is HOW TO LOOK AFTER ME
7) I hate not being able to tell the truth
8) I want my people to be happy going to work each day, but I am not

Often I have to give my guys bad news and pretend that it is all okay. Deep down, I hate that the only reason my company exists is to make money out of the suffering of others.

I want a new job, but I just don't feel confident enough at the moment to make it happen. I don't feel that I can front up to a new employer and make them want to take me on. But I hate going to work each day.

I know that there must be some of you out there who have been through this, and survived.

Do you have any ideas for me? very much appreciated.

Love Gem x

[Diana]

Job Meltdown

Dear Hidden Gem,
I do not have the answer. I was in a management position with a number of departments answerable to my position and about 100 employees. One day after being very unhappy and unappreciated for a long time I just knew I couldn't do it any longer. Like you I was trying to be all things to all people and took on more than was humanly possible. I walked out and went on stress leave and retired the following year.

I was fortunate in that I had planned to retire about the time when I used all my leave up, my super offered income protection and helped me out until it was obvious that I would not be returning to work and I had enough super to retire on.

The only suggestion I can offer is that you have an extended period of leave and look at your options.
I did survive but only just and the damage to my mental health over a 5 year period was significant. The wonderful thing is since I got off the booze and learned to moderate I am a different person and will be doing a bit of casual work in the near future which I am looking forward to doing.

Good luck with your decision and maybe you just need some time out and an independent person to help you look at your options.

[Popeye]

Job Meltdown

Hi Gem,

I really admire your principles, and your desire to make people happy during their time at work should be adopted by everyone.
Unfortunately, money is King.
I work for a sub-contractor and we travel between jobs regularly. The attitude of the bosses on any new site is often immediately obvious. On the worse sites, people look deflated and totally unhappy as they go about their work. Some of the bigger companies have had their employees on management courses where I am sure, they are taught to crack down on any feeling of joy that they encounter. They often end up spending the day bullying every minion they come across. As a result every job is done resentfully and nobody enjoys their day.
If I was an employer, I'd be very happy to have such a caring, empathetic person on the books. Changing jobs is always a bit scary, but there is nothing worse than spending most of your waking hours doing something that you do not like. You must be true to yourself. You only have this one life. I think you should think about where you want to work, and go for it.

[EK]

Job Meltdown

Find A New Way Out

There is another way.

Every time I think I have the only current way to make it in my world, a door slams in my face, my life seems to collapse around me, and I have to begin again. It happened 11 years ago, it happened five years ago, it happened 3 years ago and 2 weeks ago. It seems to keep happening and I seem to get better at dealing with it. My world collapsing seems to not be the calamity it used to be. Maybe it isn't the world collapsing, but my perseption.

You sound like a sensitive person, like most of us here (otherwise we wouldn't need dimmers like alcohol). So jobs that take hardened people aren't healthy for us. I think you would be best in a different job. You should probably look elsewhere. Do the best you can, but look elsewhere. When you leave, don't burn bridges, but let the folks you manage know why you're leaving, without bitterness.

Leave with the best "karma" you can.

You will have no regrets that way.

:h

[Helensback]

Job Meltdown

For a while, I was a circulation manager for a daily newspaper in "small town" Southwestern Ontario.

I had 125 carriers that meant .........

"kids and moms and dads and brothers" and "best friends" and "this guy I know" and "what paper?" and store dealers that "have no idea what they leave outside in the morning"


So, all this would be all over people's driveways and mindways every day.

And I heard about it.

Big.

I really hated my job. But I loved my delivery people and I let them know that.

Some took advantage, but the majority did not and loved me right back.

I still quit the job, but the love is still there - both ways.

So, either quit that blinking job with abandon.

Or learn to love your staff.

Then you should do just fine.

And we'll always be here for the drinking part.......

[DidItForMe]

Job Meltdown

Can you change positions within your same company? I have been with the same bank for 20 years and have been a manager for most of that time. There have been times when I get so fed up with holding everybody's hand. I am a mom and I love supporting my kids, but I can't do it for another 50 people at work. Especially knowing the battles I face with this alcohol in my personal life. i have been fortunate to be able to step down, do something else for awhile, and then get back into management when the time was right. You might ask your boss to see if there is any possibility of taking a break from your current position without having the trauma of finding an entirely new job. Stay strong!!!

[Rocky]

Job Meltdown

Experience says when you have a job start looking for a better (however you define better) job...
So many (or all) are about the bottom line...must stay a step ahead of the "restructuring"

My wife is in the same boat...Where ever you can reduce stress, make a plan to reduce it....

[hidden_gem]

Job Meltdown

Thanks everybody for your kind words.

Diana... we sound very similar in that I too am concerned about the toll this is having on my mental health. I know that I have to make sure I am healthy first and foremost.

Popeye... thanks so much for your kind words on my principles. Sometimes I feel like a lone... um... something or other! It makes me realise that I need to be in a job where I can put those qualities first.

EK and Helensback... you're right, I do need to look elsewhere, and I do think I can do that without burning bridges, and I think I can do it whilst still keeping the good relationships I have built here.

DiditforMe... Thank you. I have decided to ask if I can step down. Luckily I know there is a position available to do just that. Good idea - then there is no trauma of looking for a new job, and if I want to leave the company I can do that in six months or so when I am stronger. Thanks for saying that - I was a little worried about the stigma of stepping down - I know they say people do it all the time and step up again when ready - but it's nice to hear from someone who has actually done it.

And finally Rocky... thank you. For me a "better job" would, I know, be one where I am helping first - not in order to meet anybody's targets or deadlines, but to enrich lives.

Now THAT is a bit of a longer term goal! But I think I will enjoy getting there...

Thanks again everyone

Gem x