First Timer's Fugue

[wenzalc]

First Timer's Fugue

lesbie or non lesbie it doesnt really matter. But what u wrote just shows that u are really jaded. Well i guess u might have an addiction to being jaded too? U know I think we all have this streak inside which i call the demonic half that surface very often and that's why we are here. Drinking is just a symptom but for which, for many of us escalate to another big problem before we can work our the initial ones and and then its a domino rally. I do admit I sometimes feel it's goot to feel sad and melancholic. I wrote the best poems when I'm most depressed and ever heard the best poets and philosophers are depress? It's a dark arena and temptation we experience. So here all of us are standing to acknowledge that we are not alone and that we dun actually depend on medication alone but here we do have like minded people with tormented spiritual experiences just wanting to be heard and not alienated. Do u guys agree with me?

[boycie]

First Timer's Fugue

absolutley

[dove]

First Timer's Fugue

Oh my god! You need to publish a book! How about getting into a local writing group where people may have ideas on getting stuff to a publisher. Open mic nights are a great place to let it all out in an inelligent forum. If you don't want to be a writer, you are way too f*ing intelligent to be working at the BP! Take out some loans and go back to school. Meet people who think thinking is so much cooler than getting raging drunk. I am going through the transition right now. I feel like a bitch not hanging out with my drinking friends anymore but know it is the best thing for me. And p.s. ... anyone who cares about your sexuality is not worth your time.
dove

[bellaboo]

First Timer's Fugue

hey, your just another freak just like the rest of us there is nothing you have done or could do or things that some of us haven't done of wanted to do or wished we had done just keep posting keep reading threads we are all here for the same reason

[xtexan]

First Timer's Fugue

Stuckwithme:

Even though it has been an ocean of time and experience since I was 18, I immediately recognized something in your post.

It was angst of being philosophically non-localized. Of the pain of being, without a reason for being. Something that gallons of any toxic nerve poison intrinsically seems to wash away, by way of the destruction of reason.

After having pored through many hundreds of tomes by philosophers and sages, it may be worth noting, that 32 years later, I still don?t know why, where, or what for. I do however have a hell of a lot better take on the lay of the land.

The Hindus have a word, which is ?maya?. A state where we still identify what we really are, with the body we happen to be in. It is a particular misery for sure. No religious tracts offered here, but now days, I have an awareness, that does not depend on anything that my physical brain does. It is an awareness that what I really am, has nothing to do with this body that I happen to be contained in. This is not something one knows by intelligence or feeling, but becomes a sense beyond the limitations of the mind or body to experience.

Our physical bodies are a vehicle. Designed not randomly, but in definite execution of purpose to become manifest as an organization of energy.

I found out the hard way, the booze will inhibit this discovery in the most cruel of ways.

Just thought I would pass that along.

Be well.

Neil

[tea]

First Timer's Fugue

Welcome stuck with me, we are glad to be! You have found the place/site that will change your life! Keep posting and please read others postings too, you are defo not alone here.

Lorna

[stuck_with_me]

First Timer's Fugue

a change of direction?

dove;97328 wrote: Oh my god! You need to publish a book! How about getting into a local writing group where people may have ideas on getting stuff to a publisher. Open mic nights are a great place to let it all out in an inelligent forum. If you don't want to be a writer, you are way too f*ing intelligent to be working at the BP! Take out some loans and go back to school. Meet people who think thinking is so much cooler than getting raging drunk. I am going through the transition right now. I feel like a bitch not hanging out with my drinking friends anymore but know it is the best thing for me. And p.s. ... anyone who cares about your sexuality is not worth your time.
dove

Thankyou for the support.
However, last night, to fit in with a new crowd I did go out and get drunk and off tap and am now dealing with a case of the shakes. The problem is that all my friends are either heavy drinkers or drug users. All my BEST friends would also be considered as having a problem with alcohol. I do know who my true mates are, and I've had them for years. For me to go sober and become involved in new social circles would mean a total and complete change of lifestyle. I'm just hoping that I can get this under control when the school year goes back, as the distraction that studying provides might be enough to curb my self-destructive behaviour.
Thank god that I am at school. Uni starts next week and I've enrolled in a Visual Arts (specialisation) course. I need to follow my passion, I think, if I have any chance of making study my top priority, as opposed to drinking?

[francis]

First Timer's Fugue

Dear Stuck_with_me,

I think our stories are different but our present situations are not too dissimilar...

I am also a student. I study Classics, with a bit of philosophy thrown in on the side...
My social life and social circles also seem to neccesarily entail for me to get wasted (can't have just one...).

Well, I've been sober for 10 days now. It's been a bumpy ride. Feelings of joy and acheivement gradually eroded by feelings of bitterness, resentment and...sadness. I mean, plain and simply, getting drunk is fun right?? I miss it...

'wild nights, wild nights, I remember thee.'

I just have to keep reminding myself that the cons that drinking brings about in my life far exceed the pros. It's not poetic it's not beautiful. Its cold hard fact. The cons drinking brings about in my life far exceed the pros.

My mind has been too busy adjusting to it's new situation for me to have really started to hit the books again, but I think you're right about trying to devote you're energies into a passion; something constructive as opposed to destructive. Something intellectually stimulating as opposed to something that inhibits brain function.

As regards my social life...it's gotten pretty quiet to be honest. Far from Ideal...My evenings have mostly consisted in drinking copious amounts of non-alcoholic lager in front of the t.v. I've seen little of my friends, even close ones; I'm simply not ready to sit in a pub and sip orange juice whilst everyone else drinks 'real' drinks. I'm hoping this will pass.

Anyways, I'm sorry I couldn't give any words in the way of advise- this is all pretty new to me. I just thought I'd post out of empathy really...

It's tough. It's a bitch of a problem. But it is a problem that won't go away on its own.

Francis

[Java]

First Timer's Fugue

Hey Stuck_with_me, WOW, what a post. You are an amazingly talented writer and obviously an extremely intellegent girl. I love the style in which you write, I can't really decribe it, but i was certainly drawn in by every last word, and I agree you should be looking into it professionally if that is something that you would ever like to do. I am also in school (I am 23) I major in history, so the first thing I tend to notice is the way people put together their words, and I am just sitting here typing now, wanting to go back and re-read again...

You have have had quite a rough ride, and i don't really know what to tell you, everyones situation is a little different. I had a lot of sleep issues as well. I had a lot of fear associated with sleeping I had to deal with. I am sleeping better now, so there is hope, but it will take some time. And about the friends, and changing your social circles and stuff, I had to distance myself from some of my friends, I havent told anyone but my boyfriend that I have a problem, so they all invite me out to drink; I can only go out with the ones who are not pushy. I have friends that just would not understand me saying no to a drink, especially when I have been the advocate of it for so many years. I hope this helps

Victoria

[Saint Jude]

First Timer's Fugue

Hey there Stuck...:welcome:
Wow... I'm speechless. Well, almost... You are an amazing writer.

Just wanted to welcome ya aboard. Looking forward to getting to know ya better.
Catch ya around "campus"...
:l Judie

This is a wonderful place. I've spent many a night in the chat room till the wee hrs, when sleep eludes me...

[Pisces]

First Timer's Fugue

It doesn't worry me...

Whether you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend is of no consequence here, we are here to give and receive support and understanding, and I'm sure all would agree with me.

And you do have an awesome talent for writing, and my advice would be to get yourself a big fat excercise book and keep spilling, writing is a wonderful release, and I'm sure you will find that as time goes by you'll start feeling better, but we all have ups and downs, so don't expect everything to change overnight, but you have taken the most important step, the first one.

I'm sure we will all be looking out for your posts, it was an amazing read!

Sending lot's of love, Jas xx