Missing Out

[angel77]

Hi all

How is everyone? Well, I am 41 days AF. So feeling quite proud of myself. Which is a big deal for me as I don't say that often. I am finding it hard when it comes to social events though. As I am only in the early stages of recovery I thought it would be best to avoid high risk situations where I am likely to drink. For example, I was invited for a weekend away last week and I knew that it was going to involve going out at night, and everyone would be drinking. Sooo I decided not to go. I felt really angry/sad that I couldn't just go and be strong enough to resist it. But, in the past I have been sober for ages and then ruined it by attending a gathering or party. I wasn't strong enough then, so I don't know if it would be the same this time. I also was thinking about going to the Country Races which involves camping and Bonfires and loads of drinking. I found myself thinking "Oh it wont be fun if I am not drinking" I can't seem to shake that idea. Anyway sorry to ramble on just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences or has any suggestions.

angel77 xxxxxx

[hidden_gem]

Missing Out

Hi Angel,

It was really timely that I read your post as I have just been thinking how much things have changed since I became AF (I am at 93 days).

Up until now, I have largely socialised with close friends only (who are either very light drinkers, or who are supportive of my sobriety), and if there has been a big event, I have made sure that I am the designated driver, so the issue didn't come up.

Tonight I had my biggest test for quite a while. I have just finished an intensive residential course, and almost the whole group of 50 people seemed to be talking about how much they were looking forward to having a "few too many drinks" afterwards. I wasn't worried that I would drink, but I was worried about how I would be able to socialise, especially as in the past, I would have used this final evening to talk to people more in a way I wasn't confident enough to do when sober.

In truth, I could feel part of me yearning for the old days when I would have looked forward to "letting my hair down", and also sadness that I wouldn't be able to "bond" with people the way I did before.

Well, what a load of crap those thoughts are!!!

I was still able to let my hair down. The relief I felt at finishing our group work and at finishing the course was real, so I did feel more relaxed than I did before. I also was able to enjoy a nice meal with the group, and after the first awkward 30 mins or so (and nearly EVERYONE is nervous at the start of an evening), I didn't really notice that I wasn't drinking... although I did notice the people who were drinking a LOT, as I think that behaviour will always fascinate me!

In terms of "bonding" with people, I had a few engaging conversations with people I probably wouldn't have bothered with before (because I would have been too busy searching out the biggest drinkers so I could hang out with them). And when I did go and visit the big drinkers' table, yes, the "biggest" personalities were there, and I joined in with the jokes and laughter for about an hour or so.

But quite soon, they had got to the point in the evening where they were only half present. Everyone was yelling over the top of everyone else and there was a lot of screeching. And I remembered that, if I had been amongst them, and had been drinking for five hours, I would have long forgotten that I had a stop button. I would have been feeling tetchy, wondering what to drink next, searching for something... something. I would have probably been trying to have deep conversations, repeating myself, blah, blah blah.

So yes, there is a part of me that is sad that things have changed, the part of me, like that part of you thinks, "It won't be fun if I am not drinking." But it's the part of me that was fooled by the illusion of alcohol.

It's still very early days in my recovery, and I am still just finding my feet about who I really am without using alcohol to avoid all of my feelings. I'm not always going to magically be able to talk my way into enjoying every social situation without alcohol. But neither do I have to avoid them.

My observation so far is that it's helpful for me to be able to leave when I want to. Sometimes just knowing I can leave when I want to helps me tough it out a little longer, if that makes sense. Sometimes I do that and then end up having more fun than I thought possible!

Anyway thank you so much for your post - it's nice to be able to share my experience of tonight with you. All the best!

Gem x

[angel77]

Missing Out

Hi Hidden Gem,

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. That is really good to hear that you were still able to have fun out even though you weren't drinking. It gives me hope that I will be able to also! That is also a good idea, to keep in mind that I can leave when I want to. I should give that a go. I also get what you mean about the "bonding" with others. It will be very different when I'm sober I guess. I am feeling a bit low tonight as it is Friday night and I am craving alcohol. I just want to relax and let go for a few hours. Actually, who am I kidding, I want to be drunk. I want to escape being me for a while. Ahhh, this is so hard. I know all the reasons I shouldn't and I know I should just go watch a movie or whatever. Anyway, thanks again for sharing your experience. It helped me out a lot