First Timer

[Deniselb]

Just found this website today and have ordered the book and supplements. I was recently laid off from my job and have found my drinking problem has gone from bad to worse. There just isn't anything to fill my day other than wine. Anyway, I'm ready to make this work. Someone had posted they just want to know what normal feels like and that just hit home with me. I've become a social recluse because I have to drink to be in any social situation, it's tough to explain to your girlfriends during a weekday lunch that you have to have a few drinks. I am starting a new job in a week and need to get my life back on track. I know this is going to be a long journey but I am so ready to feel normal again and to go out for dinner without stressing about how much wine I can have. My question for someone is how do you handle being around your spouse, partner or whatever when they drink. My husband drinks and isn't at the point of thinking he has a problem, I don't want to push this on him, this is something I want to do for myself. So grateful to have finally found support:thanks:

[lushy]

First Timer

Hi Denise and welcome. I cannot give advice on the spouse issue as mine is a nondrinker but I am sure others will be along to help you out. I wish you the best!!!:welcome:

[Accountable for Me]

First Timer

Welcome Denise! Congrats on your upcoming job!

I would also like to know how one who isn't drinking deals with a drinking spouse/partner? So it is a very good question.

Again, welcome Denise!!!

:welcome:

[sri]

First Timer

Welcome. I'm relatively new too but I've decided to not ask my husband not to drink. He's in control; I am not. All our friends drink. I have to learn to live in a drinking world sooner or later...sooner it is. So far, so good. Only 6 days alcohol free but six days more than I've done in the last two years. My CDs and sups come soon....let's give it a go!

Good luck to us bothQ

[AAthlete]

First Timer

Denise, you don't mention if you husband is aware of the severity of your drinking problem. If he is not, it may be time to have a heart to heart with him and let him know what you are trying to do. If he is aware, let him know how important doing this is to you - if he is on your side I'm betting he'll help you out. In sickness and in health, right?

Glad that you are here, and wish you the best in your journey.

[Breez]

First Timer

:welcome: GLAD YOU FOUND US.

[CLB]

First Timer

HI

I am a 47 year old single woman and I'm a newbie here too. I can't even think straight since not having a drink. I recently found this site, and ordered the book and the hynotherapy tapes, but just started to read them yesterday, because I thought I could do this by myself. Obviously not. I have been bingeing off and on for the past 6 years. I was never a drinker until I hit my 40's. It seems at this point that I am wasting the best years of my life with alcohol I ordered the supplements today, so anxiously awaiting them.

I figure if I don't get this problem under control, it is going to kill me. I am very frustrated because I thought I was strong enough to do whatever I needed to, but this has me thrown for a loop.

I am hoping these posts will help me to get a grip on things and address this now.

[dilayne]

First Timer

HI Denise,
The spouse situation is a delicate and sometimes complicated one. My husband quit drinking when we dated before we got married because at the time I was not drinking and had gone to AA. We were married 15-16 years before I decided to give a go at the wine again when the kids left home...well, he finally agreed to join me and ended up liking it as much as I did. When I realized that I was walking on dangerous territory, I was confused as well about the subject..and didn't feel I had a right to expect him to quit...I realized later that I did have a right to believe that we are partners in life and that it was possible for us to address the problem from a relationship standpoint. We had some help, but when my husband realized that my relationship with alcohol was different than his, and that it caused me great grief and pain..he realized that he could, in fact help by not drinking..when he saw this in the context of our marriage, giving up alcohol for 'us' was a non-issue...of course, he could live without drinking if it meant I would be healhier and happier..because if I'm healthy and happy, he would be healthy and happy...It's amazing how we can put our partner's right to drink above our relationship with eachother, our sobriety, our well being..as if it's such a huge part of life itself..well, it's not, and it's not too much to ask...you may be surprised what the answer will be. There is a process, of course to getting there...if you go in 'demanding' it..that is not going to work..there will be a wall between the two of you. We needed someone to help us look at the drinking issue together, a counselor and friend...when we looked at alcohol and it's impact on our relationship, we were both able to deal with it from that vantage point..then it was easy..before that, it was a power struggle and control issue between us..a he vs. she, a matter of will, etc. We brought it to a higher light and it's made it 100X easier, and my husband is now on my side instead of being the tempter, or the alcohol cop, or the deprived one..we played all those games. Sorry this is so long, but it's been huge for our sometimes troubled marriage to know that we are truly married...through sickness and in health, richer or poorer...if you can't ask your spouse to help you, who can you ask?
With Love,
Dianne

[dilayne]

First Timer

Welcome CLB...you've taken the first and biggest step! These post are lifesavers for sure. As I mentioned before..I drank for only a few short years in my late 20s and quit for many years and just started again just 3 or 4 years ago..and started binge drinking just 2 years ago or so..so time really doesn't seem to be a factor..you either can handle it or not..if you can't, then one has to make a choice, and it sounds like you're making a very wise and loving one! Best of luck to you!
d

[Saint Jude]

First Timer

:welcome: Hi Denise & CLB. Looking forward to getting to know you both better. This is a great place, it's given me my life back!

:l Judie

[aquamarine]

First Timer

Denise, Welcome. I read your reply to my post also. Thanks! Wine is just about all I drink. That would be very difficult with a wine collection in the house. My husband drinks very little so we never actually have any alcohol in the house.What I drink I go out and buy each time and then drink it. I admire your desire to want to work on this problem without anyone pressuring you. Although I am at the point of personally realizing I have a big problem and want to stop , I have been under constant pressure from my husband for years. I don't find it difficult to not drink with him when he does drink because we have not drank together, at least not in an enjoyable way for a long time. I imagine that will be difficult for you. Maybe if you talked to him a little he would be more understanding than you think?? I empathize with the social isolation. That kind of creeps up on you over time and then you realize wow, what am I doing. Welcome again. I find this to be very helpful. Hope you continue to come back Aquamarine