hanging in there

[aquamarine]

I am now on day 3 of AF. This really is a struggle. But for me I see no other alternative but to get alcohol out of my life completely. What is very difficult right now is that because I drank on Tuesday ( had been on day 7 AF and then drank Tuesday night)now my husband is basically not speaking with me because of it. He's really is a great person but has no tolerance for my drinking. He knows I am really trying to stop but it's just black and white with him . f I screw up I am just no good. One of the hard things is is that although I have been struggling I have really been trying and feel stronger than I ever have about beating this. And although I agree that it is totally unacceptable to get drunk at all it's almost like when I do slip this time it is making me more determined. I just think this is a very long process to be successful and if you are really trying and getting back to square on after a slip what more can you do .It 's like leading that double life.
I'm out in the world trying to do everything right, taking care of my kids, taking care of everyone else,lokking like everything is great. And at the same time I am making this all consuming effort to tackle this
problem. Then he comes home and I have to go back to feeling like a piece of nothing. It just feels so awful.
I usually drink at night but this morning I almost had a drink because I felt so awful. But I came here and read and it really has helped somewhat. Instead of thinking of getting through each day I am going to try to get through each craving. Thanks for listening sorry for all the complaining.

[AAthlete]

hanging in there

Aquamarine, don't ever think that you are complaining when you are posting here! It can be hard for someone who had never had an issue with alcohol to understand what it is we are going through. They tend to think that if we wanted to stop, well dammit, we would stop. God, I wish it were that easy.

One of the things that helped my relationship was the fact that my wife attended a couple of Al-Anon meetings. They helped her understand what alcoholism is and the struggles that those of us that have it go through.

I remember when I had gone my first week AF - man I felt like I was on top of the world - then my wife brought up the fact that it was going to take a long time to trust me when I tell her that I am not drinking. Talk about a mood swing - but she is right.... How many times have I told her I was going to stop? After a while, I think they get a little numb to hearing it...

Keep working hard at your AF, and keep talking to your husband. The more he understands what you are going through, hopefully, the most supportive he will be (maybe even send him here to read some posts).

[Deniselb]

hanging in there

Aquamarine,
Just want to let you know that I'm starting out too. My husband drinks and is a wine collector, so we have wine in our home always (great) don't know if he has a problem god knows I can't be the judge of that. Anyway, I'm doing this alone and haven't told him because I know he would think I'm crazy. He doesn't realize how much I drink when I'm alone expecially now that I'm jobless. Anyway, I'm determined to do this without his support and whenever I need support I'll be here. Hang in there and I wish you all the best.

[southernbelle47]

hanging in there

Do it for yourself.............first.....
You are the only person who understands what is going on in your head.
Expect nothing from your spouse and you won't be disappointed!

[MKR]

hanging in there

Denise and Aquamarine - WELCOME!!!!

With or without spousal support you can do it! sometimes it is easier if they don't know so they are not watching for the inevitable stumbling that occurs when first trying to stop. Take each little fall, learn from it and get back up, dust yourself off . . . it gets easier every day!

Best to you both!
Mary

[aquamarine]

hanging in there

Thanks for all your responses. Sometimes it's hard to put yourself in your spouses position where they have heard that you'll stop so very many times and still expect them to be as upbeat and optimistic that you might happen to feel at the time. I guess you just have to keep on trying , do it for yourself and hope they'll hang in there. Thanks!

[cherryc]

hanging in there

hi aquamarine

i am in the exact same position but not doing as well as you .
i dont think i can last the night without a drink and this is only day one.
i am on my own with kids in bed and my husband gone out.
the bottle of wine thats hidden is now calling me.
my husband also no tolerence of my drinking and sometimes he makes me feel inadequate.
i wish you the best of luck and well done for getting to day 3.
your a better person than i am.
regards
cherry

[chile]

hanging in there

Hanging by a thread

I guess I'm hanging in there, too. Was AF for two months, made it over the holidays and everything, and then blew it. Sometimes this is so discouraging. I made an appointment with a counselor next week. I'm ready to try anything. This just cannot go on. I'm at my wit's end. This is true despair.

[aquamarine]

hanging in there

cherryc- Just reading your post I can sooo relate. It is actually harder for me to resist that drink when I'm at home alone at night like you are then if I was in a bar surrounded with alcohol. It sounds like you are already into full craving mode. That's very tough to get out of.But you can! Just try to only get through tonight. Don't even think about tomorrow just right now. Try to ride the urge out. You might suprise yourself that it actually can go away even though you might not even consider that is a possibility. And if you give in do not beat yourself up about it tomorrow.I think that is what holds me back alot is feeling like a failure and really getting so down on myself so that I can't go forwardl If you drink tonight you still did make a little progress because you really thought about it and tried to resist and that might be as big a step as you could for right now. Good Luck!