Teezah's Toddling Steps

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Day 6 Down!

Well can't say it's been easy but day 6 is D-O-N-E with!!

Rather emotional in the nest - may have thrown a few twigs about at some point...lol.

DH came back from work and he's straight into the beer and I'm so like....nah, I have to pick up DD today from Scouts so not for me...he's off to Denmark for 2 weeks from Sunday so I'll not be tempted to join him at all. He does know I'm cutting down/out and is very supportive.

DS had two beers tonight - makes me cringe 'coz he's still a teen (u can drink at home in UK from when you are about 2 or something mental like that). But I'm not a strict parent - more a guide-you-on-the-right-path parent and if they are going to experiment with alcohol (which they will do) I'd rather it was with us, in a controlled environment rather than on some street corner or "friend's" house. It takes some of the mystique away.

Disabled D had a great day at school and hopefully transport will be back to normal next week so I don't have to do the 50 mile round trip to school & back. Twice a day. I've already decided that if transport let us down again she won't be going to school next week 'coz I can't do another week like I've just done. Esp with DH away again.

Off to hospice care with Disabled D tomorrow - a great support for us.

[LibraryGirl]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

You're doing really well Teezah.:goodjob: It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility, and that you handle it well. I'm pulling for you, if you help me too.:l

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

One Week Done!!

Of course LibraryGirl I read your posts with interest - we have a lot in common :l

Well here I am after one week! Lol...didn't think I'd get through Fri & Sat, but here I am. DH has just left for Denmark so it will be easier staying abstinent while he's not chugging back the beer. Man, he bought port to go with the cheese & biscuits we had last night. Was not tempted in-the-least (much!). Parenting on my own again for next two weeks :eeks:

Haven't decided what my next goal will be yet so will pop in a Sunday - Thursday this week, stay abstinent. Toddling along quite nicely. So glad that the Baclofen keeps away obsessive thoughts about alcohol. I could not have done this without it. YOU GUYS are the heros! I need medication to assist me...but it WORKS for me!!

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Morning!

Another day Alfree under my belt, although it is still whispering to me, bitch! Thankfully I'd rather have a cup of tea than any wine - long may that last!

This week in Teezahland I have to make a couple of important phone calls (potentially stressful), get the car M.O.T'd & new tyres put on, disabled d has an appointment on Wednesday (she's going to be put on a waiting list for a major operation to take place in the next year :eeks plus all the usual running about, organising, feeding, cleaning up, taxiing children, feeding animals...excetera, excetera, excetera).

I feel in a much better place to handle all the above now that I've been Alfree for over a week. This is where I have the potential to become complacent & forget that Al has wreaked such havoc with my life...and a sneaky little thought comes in that I could manage a couple of drinks. I say will say NO!! to this and carry on with my new interim goal which will take me up to 12 days Alfree.

Have a fabby Alfree day everyone

:thanks:

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Day 9 Done!!

Phew that was a pretty difficult one......

Had meetings this evening about the children & coz DH is away, I had to take them with me. Disabled D is usually in bed by 7pm and was NOT happy to be out at 10pm. DS & DD were bickering in the car, so I started thinking sod it, I DESERVE a drink.......dangerous ground....

Well the bitch didn't get me tonight.

Did my version of the "timer" in as much as I set rules around having a drink i.e. once I've emptied & filled the dishwasher, done disabled D's medicines & feeds, cleaned kitchen, got kids to bed...etc, etc etc...swiftly followed by jumping on the computer & reading some inspirational threads...(and some mental ones going on in other parts of MWO :eeks

Good to see long termers coming in to give us a cheer on (aside from our usual cheerleaders).

Time to get my bedtime cuppa tea, see you in the morning - say strong & resolved (lol sounds like live long & prosper) jump back in straight away if you have tried to fledge too soon - we can beat this together :l

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Resolve & Commitment

Toying with the idea of joining LillyE's bootcamp. My resolve & commitment IS growing which is fabby doo....just need to examine for a wee bit more to see if I'm ready to commit to (what I see as..) such a long stretch. Maybe...just maybe....I'm really tempted.

Apologies again for not posting in with the nesties.....disabled d is my first priority, DD & DS my next and after that I don't have the time to read, digest & repost...so I just read & digest. I'm with you all 100% though! You are all warm, loving, funny & supportive human beings and I follow all your stories as best I can. Love ya.

Managed the mad evening last night, the bitch called me up, but I was too busy being sober to answer her. Phew!

Today is hopefully less stressful, tomorrow is a bad one as disabled d will be having a major op in the next year because of her spinal problems. Traditionally, a huge appointment like this would have me heading for the nearest bottle of wine, so I'm going to review some posts in the toolkit today to prepare for my emotions tomorrow.

:thanks: Grateful for you all and MWO

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Morning Nestles,

Well well well, day 11!

Waiting for my car to be MOT'd so have had time to walk into town and have a cup or two of cappuccino. Being ALFree was easy last night as I've titrated up again on Baclofen after having strong cravings a few nights ago. So feeling slightly queezy at the thought of al. GOOD!!

So disabled d's appointment today...so am just going to list & anticipate the potential stressors for my own benefit:
1. It is a long drive through heavy traffic & road works to get to the hospital.
2. There will be no disabled parking bays available at the hospital. Once I find a non disabled parking bay, which is almost as rare as a disabled parking bay, I will have to park half out of the bay, get disabled d out & into her wheelchair (I will be irritated by then!) and all her stuff out of the car then drive fully into the bay.
3. The appointment is Loooooong. Last time it was a 7 hour round trip including the appointment & the stop for wine on the way home.
4. I will be told she will be going on the waiting list for the op. Joy.
5. no 2 in reverse.
6. No 1 in reverse, in rush hour traffic.
7. Get home & be responsible adult / parent. Feed, medicate, get kids to bed.

Just while I was writing the list i've decided to stop at the park & ride thereby shortcutting the whole diabled parking . Almost perfect. Ha! take that stress!!

And I'll do pizza for dinner - fresh out of the freezer. Fu@k you stress!

[spacebebe01]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Hi Teezah, WOW I love the way your are charting your progress on your thread, I started reading here yesterday then had to do something else and couldnt find you again when I got back. Im usually on the meds threads and just pop up here now and again to see if I can be of any help to any newbies.

You are doing wonderfully well. I hope today went ok for you and your daughter you certainley seem to have a lot of responsibilities that you are coping so well with.

Pizza - good choice xxx

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Thanks Spacebebe,

I haven't spent much time on other MWO threads, but hope to someday "graduate" to beyond the newbie area. Feel safe nestled in my cosy nest just now, tho.

MOT'd Car (Check!)
Picked up disabled D (Check!)
Park & Ride (Check! - much less stressful than trying to get a disabled bay), just a wee bit angst about getting on the right bus / fitting wheelchair on bus / getting to appointment on time. Will be easier next time round.
Appointment (Check!) didn't go as expected - she needed to be fitted for a new body brace so we didn't have to do the x-ray & spinal consultant - delayed her going on the waiting list for about 8 weeks (Yippee!!)
Do it all in reverse (Check!)

Pizza for dinner (Check!)

So just got to do meds, feeds & go to bed. Oh! Small successes are the best. Went into M&S in the local BP Garage on the way home to pick up something to munch on and when I got back to the car realised I hadn't even considered or EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT the fact that I could buy wine there (isn't it mad that alcohol is so accessible that you can even buy it in a garage?!) how good is that?

One thing that I have noticed is that I'm starting to take on more things, which I feel at this stage is dangerous. I'm feeling better, which is good...but that makes me think I can achieve more and more and that is often where I start getting stressed out. Think Hyperbole and a Half:

Hyperbole and a Half: This is Why I'll Never be an Adult

I need a plan so that I celebrate feeling better by doing things that nurture me rather than having the potential to bring me down. Have to think about that one.

Tomorrow is a much less stressful day. Lol! Another opportunity to think of the bitch - boredom! So as extras tomorrow I will:

1. Walk the dog around the block (stay away rain!) +tve
2. Take the car round to the body shop -tve
3. Clean out the hen house -tve
4. Watch something good/life affirming on LoveFilm - any suggestions? +tve
5. Maybe do some embroidery if I have the time, or during my film +tve
6. Weigh In! Could be +tve or -tve lets call it neutral for now!

and be a responsible adult & parent. Should be a +tve, but have to admit sometimes it is a -tve!

Gotta make sure the positives outweigh the negatives!

[spacebebe01]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

You do like to keep busy dont you Teezah, just try to take some R&R time out as well, dont want you getting burnt out.

you are doing so well, Im really pleased for you x

[techie]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Teezah I love your posts. Keep up the wonderful progress !

[LibraryGirl]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Good Job Teezah!!!! We should definitely chat on here sometimes. You sound like a very interesting person. I can tell you're British by your spellings and some of what you say. I am a Yank, lol.

I'm glad things are falling in place for you. Giving up AL is NOT easy, and anyone who can do it successfully deserves a huge pat on the back! I am at 39 days (again) today. I drank on the 40th day in April, my first time around, so 41 days will be new territory for me.

Hope you get some good rest tonight, and "see" you tomorrow! (((hugs)))

Lg

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

Rain & Sobriety

Evening Nestles,

:thanks: Library Girl, Spacebebe & Techie, I feel all warm & fuzzy now :h

Today didn't go quite as planned, but that's ok! Got a phone call from a neighbour who is graduating today and she was panicking about getting a parking space. She asked me to give her and her family a lift in....and back, so I said yes. Disabled daughter was off at school and so was dd & ds. So no weigh in for me this week.

I found myself in town again so went to the cafe for a couple of cappuccinos, a scone and read over some toolbox tips - how to stop drinking, dealing with cravings, terence t. gorski stuff & the gifts of boredom. Genius stuff - I've copied them into my notebook so I can read them anytime.

Stuck at my new Baclofen regime. SE's are abating now & hoping no cravings come back so I can achieve "indifference". Still feeling slightly spacey but seem to be slowly floating back to ground level.

Nothing else to report. Disabled D is laughing & giggling at Cinderella - she loves the mice the best. Cracks me up hearing her giggle. I am so lucky

[spacebebe01]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

It is beautiful to hear our children laughing, one of the gifts of being sober.

[teezah]

Teezah's Toddling Steps

still here! still sober!!

So after today I will be 2 weeks sober!

Everyone was right when they talked about an increase in resolve & commitment. It's beginning to feel like it would be a huge thing to give up my precious sobriety, so I won't be doing that in a hurry!

Disabled daughter is in respite this weekend, so I have a weekend free with DD & DS. DD is now going off on a sleepover, so it's just DS & I. Still haven't cleaned out the hens so that's top priority for today (it's jumping in there!), but I intend to spend a lot of time on ME!!

Have a fun & sober weekend folks!