Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

[Didz]

Hi, feeling very flat tonight ( Australia) after hurting my husband yet again. I don't know why I say the things I do and now I can't retract them. He's so hurt. I lasted 6 months on campral then thought I was ok- ha ha. Here I am back at square one day one. This is tough.

[paula]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Hi Didz, and welcome. I know just how you feel I have been hurting my poor husband also. Iam also back on day one. The only recompence I can think of is to get sober. Try looking at the tools thread, and maybe the MWO book, plenty of advice in that. Also keep posting you will get plenty of support on here. Good luck.

[spacebebe01]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Hi Didz, you did really well getting 6 months so what happened? Did you stop taking the campral or do you think it stopped working. Whatever, try not to pull yourself down, whats done is done so try to put it behind you. When you say your back at square on dont htink that you have lost those six months, you still had 6 sober months with your husband, fell over and so now you can get up again and carry on. I knwo how upsetting it must be for you but just try and get though as best you can, distract yourself if possible, tv, films, walking anything that will take your mind off things.

Have you thought about what you will do about cravings this time, I only ask because you where taking campral before so are you going to carry on with that.

Many of have to try and try and try with many attempts at this, your not alone.

[Destiniey]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Welcome Didz! So sorry that you are feeling down...but posting here is a great first step! Check out the Newbies Nest like Zen said. We have all "been there, done that" and sometimes it's just nice to know that you're not alone!!!!!! I too have hurt my husband....not with harsh words but by not being there for him and choosing AL over him. The only way I can make it right is to be free of this vicious cycle!!!!

[Nelz]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

As much as I wish I could add any good advice to this thread.....the others have covered it pretty well.

All I can say is that I also said some things to my wife under the influence, that I was not very proud of. Its just the nature of the beast.

You will find that every morning you wake up, sober, you will start to feel much better about yourself. Then you can build on your success. You will quickly start racking up AF days, and soon, as hard as it might be, you will be able to taper off. It wont be easy, but it WILL be worth it.

Wishing you all the knowledge, support, and strength needed

[windy]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Hi Didz,

Achieving 6 months is a great success and a good start to your overall goal. I would suggest that you really and throughly think about what worked for you and why? Why you gave in when you did? And last but not least, how to say NO THANK YOU in the future. The hard part and the part that takes a long time to get to is really wanting to say NO and having no remorse, or as they say: "white knuckling it". You can get to that point, but it is tough and takes a lot of research and planning. It is always one day at a time, but I am a firm believer in long-term goals too. This is a great and wonderful process and everyone is different, so find out what worked best for you, dust off, polish and repeat.

Just the other day someone asked my how I stayed sober for a long time (relatively speaking) and why I gave in after 6 months, and what I learned from it? It really made me think about those things (ALOT). So...I guess I am asking the same thing of you.

Letting the people we hurt know how much we hurt too might help. Really...we are not lashing out at them, but at ourselves. Hard to explain....But pointing the finger at someone is really pointing it back at us.

Good luck and keep posting and let us know how it is going.

[Butterbean]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Falling up or down?

Didz, I am saying this as much to myself as I am to you and anyone who wakes up so upset with him/herself for letting ourself down... When you fall, you are falling forward. It is still FORWARD. You learn from each mistake, fall again, and even though it feels like you are stuck, we still are moving forward. You got back online and admitted your faults so to me it is still inching forward even if it isn't the pace or the way we want to do it.

Yesterday was a VERY long day. My husband has been laid off since December. He has gotten several really good opportunities come his way, made it to the 4th interview and only to be devastated by not getting the positions. This is the 3rd time this has happened. We were on pins and needles for the last several weeks waiting to see if we could finally look forward to the future. This news happened to coincide with my doctor's appt I had scheduled to humbly spill my guts and admit I need help to the doc. Maybe it was good that it was such an emotional day. She was very understanding and even asked if she could pray for me later that day! She was not willing to do the Topamax but liked the vitamins, cd's and 30 day abstinance plan.

So, gulp. I have made it to start my Day 5. I am going for a 22 mile bike ride to clear my mind and start the day. I have all of you in my prayers and thoughts. Thanks for letting me journal these deep troubling thoughts to such a supportive group.

Butterbean

[Didz]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Wow everyone- thanks so much for your responses- I am truly overwhelmed. Everyone's input really really helped today- I was so tempted to order a glass of wine when I bought one for my girlfriend at lunch today- I could literally feel my heart racing- I know I would have caved had I not read all your messages this morning. I still have tonight to go but I feel a bit stronger for already saying no today so will have aloof at the tool box. Windy- I have spent today going through why it worked for me for 6 months before- I will plan a plan of attack using this so thanks for suggestion. Spacebebe01- you ask why I didn't last- I was sooo motivated after yet again hurting my husband and him saying I couldnt do it that I had to prove myself , so I saw psychologist once a month and went on campral- I was only on 3/ day but went ok. Then 2 months into it I found I had become an inspiration to a few friends- I think it was pride all the way along, then I got cocky thinking I could go social- then got lazy taking campral , then too many festivities then cravings- wa lah! Thank you all!!

[Didz]

Newbie today- I hope for hubby sake this works

Hey butter bean , thanks for your post. I hope your bike ride was good- things sound so tough. You've done a brave thing spilling your guts and getting help. Things feel so heavy when they all come at once. I admire your fitness- that's gotta help.