2 months without drinking

[deviousdiva]

1 have managed two months af by myself with no medication. my husband has no idea how much of an achievement this is but i am proud of what i've done.

my goal is to be able to moderate my drinking to just social occasions. my problem is that my husband is scared (and he has reason to be although i have never given up before) that i will go back to heavy drinking if i just have one or two drinks. i want to be able to share my successes with him and to enjoy a drink with him as we have always done and not feel like he is moderating me but that i am moderating myself.


he is silently controlling situations where i might be "tempted" as he put it once although i am at work every day with people who drink heavily at lunchtime and have not joined in as in the past. just one example is this weekend. i had a social invitation with my best girlfriend who i have drunk heavily with in the past. we are both cutting back or moderating but i felt like i couldn't go because he would worry. when i confronted him with it he said he was worried about what i might do after an evening with her. I said i felt that it was unfair to project future possible action but of course, i don't have a leg to stand on because of my past drinking record.

i am sure it will take time and i suppose it is a question of trust? any help or advice is very welcome.

[JackieClaire]

2 months without drinking

:welcome: deviousdiva.

Firstly congratulations on 2 months AF (alcohol free).

Wish I could advice on the moderation rout but for me it will never work and I have tried many times. Those one or two drinks now and again may have worked for a while but before I knew I was back on to full force drinking.

Anyway 2 great threads.Have a look in the tool box it's a great read and also the One step at a Time thread. Just click on the links.


https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html


https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...2-a-65268.html

Glad to have you here. Keep reading and keep posting and let us get to know you.

J x
:l

[deviousdiva]

2 months without drinking

thank you so much for your responses. i do take what you have said on board and realise that i might not be able to moderate. so thank you for saying that, mollyka. for now, i'm not drinking and that's great.

my goal, as i said, is to moderate but i have yet to test that. part of me is scared to try just in case my partner is right and i will go back to drinking erratically and irresponsibly. but i am also scared of life without being able to touch alcohol even the odd moderate social drinking. i guess because that means life will change completely and that's quite scary. i am surrounded by drinkers, heavy and moderate and most social occasions involve copious amounts of drink.

Having said that i've been in several situations (and every day at work) confronted by alcohol and not drinking. so i'm happy for now to continue with that.

i will try to have a chat with hubby. perhaps start by telling him i joined this forum! it's hard, i'm not a very open person when it comes to my own issues but i must try. so thank you for responding. i'll definitely be here as much as possible. wonderful to find a supportive community.

[Flossie]

2 months without drinking

Hi,

Just wanted to say a hugh congratulations on your two months.

No modding for me boo hoo, one sip means several later I am right
back where I began.

With love Flossie x

[Honeysoup]

2 months without drinking

Hi DD...CONGRATS on the 2 months....I havent done that for at least 3.5 years...WAY TO GO!

I too used to drink my wine while getting ready to go out. I am newly sober so I am not ready to face going out yet. I found if I couldn't drink before I went out then I would just drink twice as much when I was there.

I understand how you feel...problem is I don't think anyone who is not an alcoholic or heavy drinker can understand how you could possibly feel bc its not aproblem for them. you have to realize you want this you do it for your first. Not anyone else, cuz if your anything like me...it would just make me want to do it more if someone were to tell me to quit. But thats just me.

Try to be open and honest with your feelings. Try to say it calmly and if he can't talk about it calmly then wait for a moment when you both can.

I myself don't think I can ever be a moderate drinker because...it may be moderate the first time but then I would just want to do it again the very next day and then my process would start all over again.

I just tell myself Im not going to drink...at least for today and see what happens. 6 days so far so good.

Good luck to you! Big Hugs!

[aihflvt]

2 months without drinking

Congratulations on the two months - here's to the next two, and the next two after that!

I came crashing off the wagon recently after about two months AF. I spent a lot of that time reading about the biological nature of alcohol addiction. Brain chemistry and tolerance levels can return to normal, but from my own experience falling off the wagon, it will take a lot longer than several months. More along the lines of a year at least, probably even more, and restoration of tolerance is key to successful moderation. The problem with heavy drinkers is that our off switches are broken. Our brain can tolerate much larger quantities of alcohol and we can still be up and about even after ingesting an amount of alcohol that would cause a light or even moderate drinker to pass out.

If you can moderate, more power to you, but from talking with my own MD and all the reading I've done, I think resetting tolerance is key, and the only way to do that is to be AF for an extended period of time. I thought I'd be ok after a couple of months and thought I could moderate, but I've come to accept that AF is going to have to be my way out.

[LibraryGirl]

2 months without drinking

Congratulations DD on your two months sober! That is an accomplishment!

I do understand where your husband is coming from too. My bf used to start out the evening, once I started fixing my first drink, by saying, now please just drink socially. Lol, sometimes I could, but like Molly said, no one can get sober for you. And no amount of wishing or trying to moderate you (by a loving partner or anyone else) will help in the long run. It has to come from YOU.

I noticed that you said your co-workers drink heavily at lunchtime? That's odd, lol. Where do you work that you can drink and go back to work like that? I'm just curious.

About modding: I have attempted it a few times since my first quit in February. I was successful, but still afraid that I might end up back where I started. Last time I drank I had one glass of wine and it made me feel nauseated. I still won't say "never", and I wish you success if you do try it. All I know is that the only people I've seen on this site that managed to mod successfully did so with the aid of medication. I do not want to go that route if possible.

Good luck to you and Welcome to MWO!

LG

[greeneyes]

2 months without drinking

Congratulations on your 2 AF months! Outstanding! I can't offer any advice on moderating. It proved to be not an option for me and it wasn't particularly pretty. At least now I know I can never drink. Takes that little element of wonder off the table. Good luck to you though.

[Kradle123]

2 months without drinking

Congrats DD on Two Months! I am 7 weeks behind you

I found Nicelife's post at the end of the Tool Box about her going back after 6 years super helpful.

Hugs,
:l

[Sober Visitor]

2 months without drinking

Hi DD,

Congrats on your AF time!

Regarding your husband, I think we sometimes forget the significant impact that our drinking may have had on those around us. Perhaps they were verbal and let us know exactly how they felt, or perhaps they tip-toed around us, hoping and praying we'd find our way ourselves, or perhaps they suffered in silence with worry and feelings of helplessness as they watched us go down a very self-destructive path, or perhaps they tried to control the uncontrollable to make them feel more in control, or perhaps they distanced themselves from us, or perhaps they tried it all.

Honestly, the way I drank, my family would have every right to be concerned if I uttered the "moderation" word. It makes me shudder myself, but even if I did just want to have 1 or 2 drinks (which doesn't really appeal to me at all), there have been very few times in my drinking career that I have ever stopped after just 1 or 2, let alone witnesses who have seen me stop. I simply do not process alcohol like a so-called normal drinker. The normal drinker gets the initial warm, fuzzy feeling after 1-2 drinks and their brain sends the appropriate signal that it's time to stop. My brain sends the signal to GIMME MORE, and so it goes! Once I've had the first drink, I'm already under the influence and no longer in control.

That's just the way it is for me and the way it's always been, and no amount of sobriety is going to change that for me. Heck, I was sober for 14 years before I took my first drink and spent the next 30+ years trying to control my drinking. If it was possible for me, surely I would have mastered the technique of moderation with all that practice under by belt.

I think it's only natural for the people around us who have also experienced our drinking to have concerns, so try not to be too hard on him. It's only because he loves you and wants the best for you, I'm sure. I definitely think having an open honest dialogue will help both of you to come to terms with the situation and what's best for each of you as well as the relationship moving forward.

Sheri

[paula]

2 months without drinking

Hi DD, congrats on two months. I have successfully stopped drinking many times, the longest was for six years that was because my first grandchild was born and I cared for him while my daughter worked. That was certainly my happiest time. Then my brother died and I thought I could drink normally, which I did for a short time, but gradually the drinking increased and I was back to square one. Blackout, shame, guilt. It has taken me the last few years to get back to even a few days sobriety.My husband is aware of my problem, but fortunately my daughter is not. I manage to be sober when I see her and I often take care of my grandchildren, so I don't drink then. Even if I only have a few drinks and remain sober, I still suffer from terrible guilt and remorse, and I have learned that it's because I'm an alcoholic that I feel this way. I'm feeling positive at the moment, and my intention is not to drink. I'm afraid moderate drinking has proven impossible for me, so for the moment I'm taking it one day at a time. Good luck whatever you choose to do

[deviousdiva]

2 months without drinking

I noticed that you said your co-workers drink heavily at lunchtime? That's odd, lol. Where do you work that you can drink and go back to work like that? I'm just curious.

i work in a mediterranean country with lots of british expats. i don't want to make too many generalizations but i think the rate of alcoholism us is pretty high. lots of us have been known to knock back a couple of glasses of wine in a half hour lunch break and meet up after work a couple of hours later for after work drinks :S

[deviousdiva]

2 months without drinking

thank you for all your replies. i am still thinking about moderation but feel i need to read more here before making a decision. it seems that everyone here has made the decision to go AF. for now, i'm remaining AF too...

[LibraryGirl]

2 months without drinking

DD, I don't know if you have to just try moderating in order to either do it successfully, or let it go. I am also torn between complete abstinence and moderating. I don't want to go back to daily drinking, nor do I want to suffer blackouts and hangovers anymore. I am still debating whether I will drink again or not. Good luck to us both!:l

[deviousdiva]

2 months without drinking

yeah, i don't know either LibraryGirl. i did a lot of reading around the forums (until way too late!!!) so i'm feeling more positive that it's possible. maybe wishful thinking. i'll probably just try it. and use the forum as support.
still AF.

best of luck.
keep in touch