55 days AF and then I drank

[angel77]

So last night I drank after about 55 days or so AF. I feel like a horrible awful person. I'm trying not to feel too down and just start again but I feel so disappointed in myself and angry/guilty.. I knew I'd feel like this but I did it anyway. I don't know if I'll ever be sober FOR GOOD. It's just so damn hard. Anyway sorry to be a downer I just wanted to tell someone.

[Kradle123]

55 days AF and then I drank

Hi Angel:

I know you're feeling down but please don't see this as a failure. No way, Jose!
You have 55 amazing days and this one night you drank cannot erase that.
It is ALL part of your jouney and an imporant piece. I drank after 28 days and now have seven.
Because I drank almost every day for years I seegetting any string that long even with a break as Amazing for me - not as any kind of failure.

I hope you can look at your expeience a bit differently, wih a wider Perspective....
I think you did incredibly well :goodjob:
Sorry to sound corny but this does not dimiish your journey ; it makes you stronger in it!

Hugs,

:l

[cpn1004]

55 days AF and then I drank

If a person is used to drinking every day, then even ONE day AF is a big deal. So 28 and 55 days AF is a huge deal. Don't beat yourself up too much. Just start again, one moment at a time.

[angel77]

55 days AF and then I drank

Hi Kradle, thank you for your reply. I need to look at it positively I know. I always tell other people not to beat themselves up when they fall but it is hard not to do. I guess I'm just stressed as I have a lot of work to do for my course and now I'm wasting a whole day being hungover. Anyway onwards and upwards from tomorrow I guess. Thanks again

[angel77]

55 days AF and then I drank

Thanks cpn, thats my plan I guess.

[angel77]

55 days AF and then I drank

Hi Zenstyle, Yes thats what I want to do. You know the funny thing is when I was drinking last night I found myself thinking this really isn't that great.. which doesn't happen often. I need to hold onto that thought I guess. Thanks

[angel77]

55 days AF and then I drank

That's a good idea, no thoughts, nothing for now. Sounds like a good plan for the moment.

[Running4life]

55 days AF and then I drank

One slip in 55 days is pretty good. Don't beat yourself up, just make sure you get right back on the wagon. The hangover is a good reminder that you don't want to go back to drinking and feeling rotten again. I have slipped a couple of days since I quit in November but I sure didn't enjoy it. If you get enough AF time you know how good it feels to get up in the morning without a headache.
Take care,
R4L

[teezah]

55 days AF and then I drank

Hi,

Good advice here from everyone, but I'd just like to add my wee bit:

Think back to when you were drinking the other night and remember the thoughts and emotions that were going through your head. Feel it inside your body and how it felt to have the alcohol in your system. Remember what brought you to the conclusion that you really weren't enjoying drinking. Feel the disgust, guilt and anger at yourself - REALLY FEEL IT live it again. Don't push the emotions away. Remember them. Hold onto them.

Now relax yourself again - think happy thoughts. When the urge strikes you again conjure up those thoughts feelings & emotions again and, knowing you don't want to experience them for real again, you have a powerful tool to help you get through the urge.

Possibly counter intuitive, I know, as we usually try to bury these experiences (usually with AL...lol!) but I find that being more mindful of our bad moments helps our resolve in avoiding them again.

Thoughts are with you

[daisy45]

55 days AF and then I drank

Hi Angel; I did the same thing last week after 68 days AF; to have done it, for me, means that the 100% wish to be AF was not quite there yet, otherwise why did I risk it? Each time I have drank since coming to MWO there has been a lesson to learn. I am on day 3 now - when I started my last stint of 68 days I had become desperate again and wasn't sure that I could do it - I had gotten back to old habits.
Right now I don't even feel that I have to beat myself up over last week; if what I got out of it was the last kick in the arse I needed, which is how I feel, then I am grateful. I look at those 68 days now and see the changes in my looks, attitude, how productive I was, my relationships with family and friends, my newfound 'no barriers' approach to life - am I willing to piss that all down the drain now? Then the few days drinking last week, which I feel sick even thinking about....not because I messed up my AF time, but because I took a chance at walking away from all those good things that I had been experiencing and want more of....
I didn't enjoy it; I thought I would. My same old drinking capacity was there immediately and same old disgust. But something different and stronger was the 'craving' I had after my 'experiment' was not for alcohol but for the life I had just a few days earlier. That life had become one of possibilities again and so the choice was to continue in one direction or the other - so day 3 here, just continuing on with my AF life with a harsh lesson along the way.
I had fallen back a bit on the exercise front - this affects how I feel about myself, so today I will get back to 5 days a week and no excuses. The doubts that I had (only small doubts, but they were there) about whether I really wanted to be AF for life have been dealt with as of now - I am now AF, not because I am a desperate alco who needs to cut down but because I just love being AF more than anything else.
There was a post from Byrdie a few days ago - in 20 years when we look back on our AF lives, the start dates within any one year will be irrelevant as long as we continue until we get there....

[clear eyes]

55 days AF and then I drank

Hi Angel

Hop right back on the wagon like they all said. I had 88 days until going to Vegas in April. My habits didn't go right back at first but as I continued to drink they did. So I sit here tonight finally finishing day 1 again. I am doing the one thing that I enjoyed the most when I was AF and that is laying in bed at night sober knowing everything that I did that day. Best of luck.

Clear Eyes

[Running4life]

55 days AF and then I drank

I agree with Daisy, when I slipped I woke up the next morning and felt terrible. I had gotten used to being AF ( I did do almost five months before slipping) and feeling wonderful and rested in the morning. I immediately craved that instead of alcohol. Yes, I have had a couple of slips since then but they have only been one day and then back to AF because it feels so much better and I really desire to be totally sober. We will get it, we just have to keep hammering at it.
take care,
R4L

[SAUSAGE]

55 days AF and then I drank

I did 103 days the first time and then drank ( soon realising I couldn't moderate!)
The second time I did 8.5 months but then found it really hard to get beckon the wagon again,
I am now and today is day 124.

You've had some excellent advice here that I can't really add to, only that most people have at least one "slip" or whatever you care to call it, before they are long term sober.its all part of the learning process. The main thing is you learn and build on it ( look at the overall picture on what you have achieved this year).

Onward and upwards.

[angel77]

55 days AF and then I drank

Running4life- Thank you for your comment. Yes the hangover is a good motivator not to drink.. also the headaches well mainly nausea for me anyway. Wow five months is great. You take care also

Teezah - That's a good tool to use. I'm going to try it next time I am craving alcohol. Which will be soon no doubt. I agree with not pushing your emotions away also, as they are there for a reason, and if you push them away/suppress them with alcohol or food it only gets worse. I think by reliving them it might help to realize how horrible I was feeling. As I normally just push that to the side and remember the good parts of drinking which is silly.

Daisy - That's funny you say that you had a craving for the AF life you had before not for alcohol, as I normally after slipping I only desperately want to stop drinkng again I don't crave how I was before but I feel as if I did a little bit this time even though I'd gone longer before without alcohol. And reading your comment has actually reminded me that I was quite productive in the past 55 days. I need to focus on that. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I'm on day two today!

Clear eyes - Wow 88 days is really good. Well, we are both back on the wagon then and in the early days, nice to know I'm not alone

Sausage - Thank you Yes, well I have had a few slips.. I hope this will be the last for a very long time.

[angel77]

55 days AF and then I drank

Sausage- p.s well done on 124 days!!